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Original poster

Staying at the dinner table until everyone has finished

121 replies

ForkingKnivesAndSpoons · 23/09/2024 05:11

For normal everyday family dinners at your house, does everyone just leave the table once they've finished? And I'm not talking about expecting others to wait for extra slow eaters, I mean when the "slow" person (me) takes a total of 10-15 mins to eat their dinner?

YABU - Yes it's normal for the slowest eater to be left sitting alone at the table
YANBU - It's rude to up and leave them there alone

OP posts:
stanleypops66 · 23/09/2024 11:44

My fil talks that much that we'll have finished our meal and he will have had a few mouthfulls. If we're out or in his house I'd stay (as there's nowhere to go) but if it's at mine, I'd prob start clearing up and let dh stay and chat.

LostittoBostik · 23/09/2024 11:33

BlackOrangeFrog · 23/09/2024 07:39

One of my annoyances in life! In laws will start eating before people have been served, or even sat down, and then will just up and leave as soon as they're done.

Drives me crazy.

That and eating standing up, when there's a seat available!

Oh god that's so rude. That would drive me insane

LostittoBostik · 23/09/2024 11:30

We try so hard with this but it's really hard to get our 7 and 4 year olds to stay put. I hate how meals have turned into a tit for tat battle with me asking them to stay while others finding (often the eldest waiting for the youngest)

WeRateSquirrels · 23/09/2024 11:26

I was brought up to stay or ask to be excused. DH was brought up to eat alone in front of the TV. I was a bit surprised when we first got together and he would leap up as soon as he finished, he had no idea some would think this is rude. Now he stays, but we're all speedy eaters here anyway.

Spyro48 · 23/09/2024 11:22

My dad eats at an absolute snails pace and expects people to sit there for ages after they've all finished. I think that's ruder than leaving prematurely to clear up eg.

Nagatha · 23/09/2024 11:21

I'm actually so relieved reading this that so many people also allow their young children to leave the table before the adults have finished and it's not just me and my shit parenting.

InTheRainOnATrain · 23/09/2024 11:20

I let the kids (7 and 3) get down from the table if they finish first and ask politely. They wait for each other though. Adults obviously stay and in a couple of years I’d expect DC to stay until everyone has finished, it just seems a lot to ask of a 3YO to sit for an extra 10-15 minutes with nothing really to do, like if we were in a restaurant I would have bought colouring etc but at home he may as well go off and play.

DrunkTinkerbell40s · 23/09/2024 11:19

Absolutely not! If we're all having dinner at the table or breakfast bar, we would wait until everyone had finished before clearing up or leaving table.

lololulu · 23/09/2024 11:13

@poppyzbrite4

Well I've allowed it. I wouldn't say I've encouraged it.

Surprisedcupcake · 23/09/2024 10:50

I've always thought it rude to leave the table when others are still eating. Little kids I think are an exception though. But I think its because for me, mealtimes are for quality time together as a family as much as they are for sustenance.

Fudgetheparrot · 23/09/2024 10:44

I don’t make DD wait until DS is finished as he’s 1 and can take forever, but she knows to wait until DH and I have finished and to ask “please may I be excused”

BobbyBiscuits · 23/09/2024 10:26

Don't usually eat at the table. If we do then we all just leave when finished eating. Or I usually take my plate upstairs to finish at my leisure as I'm a very slow eater! If we had guests then I would stay at the table until they had finished and beyond.

poppyzbrite4 · 23/09/2024 10:21

lololulu · 23/09/2024 07:03

Oh god my kids eat in their bedrooms 😬😬

Why have you encouraged that?

StrongAutumn · 23/09/2024 10:08

Dinner:

We all wait until everyone is served and we eat together.

We all stay at the table until I make a move to start clearing and then some people help - whoever's nearest to the kitchen.

My kids have never known any different.

Table manners are important to me.

BlackOrangeFrog · 23/09/2024 09:09

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 23/09/2024 09:03

It's an arbitrary rule. Why is it rude?

Just like putting your elbows on the table. Why is that rude?

It feels rude to me, because it makes it seem like a purely functional activity, and that people don't want to socialise with their family... And like "I'm only here for the food". Just seems odd to me, and rude.

Elbows on table, I can't get worked up about.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 23/09/2024 09:03

It's an arbitrary rule. Why is it rude?

Just like putting your elbows on the table. Why is that rude?

AspirationalTallskinnylatte · 23/09/2024 08:03

Oh, we are heathens! I cook, everyone comes down when they can be arsed after I text the family WhatsApp (or not in the case of fussy DH), I've often nearly finished by the time slow to come down DD gets there and we all leave pretty much when we're finished. Music on for the whole meal because of DSs disgusting habits of chewing with mouth open. I sometimes clean around DD to keep her company while she finishes hers.
Reckon I need to up my standards 😂

TheChosenTwo · 23/09/2024 08:03

We wait until the last one is done however we sit round our kitchen island and if ds is still sat gnawing on bones one of us will start loading the dishwasher but all still together and chatting.
Family dinners are really important to us, the act of sitting together and sharing a meal and having general chat is the focus of the evening.
Obviously there are some exceptions like if someone is going out after dinner or feeling unwell or whatever, it’s not a hard and fast rule but it’s our norm.

Statsworry1 · 23/09/2024 08:00

Nagatha · 23/09/2024 07:52

So weird as I was going to pose this question today, based on a very uncomfortable moment with my in-laws yesterday who expected us to make our toddler sit in his high chair while we finished.
I got a speech about how another family member makes their child eat everything on his plate and doesn’t get down until he’s done (he is a few years older than my child).
Toddler has finished his meal and getting shouty and screamy so I let him down. (We were at home). The comments and looks I got made me feel like such a failure.

This reminds me of ex in laws… used to drive me crazy!

warmduvetnights · 23/09/2024 08:00

Are you a family of piranha fish?!

Surely 10 minutes for dinner is speed eating for a human?!

soberholic · 23/09/2024 07:58

ConflictofInterest · 23/09/2024 07:56

We all eat in separate places. I did used to be made to stay at the table as a child though. I never understood the point it.

Oh I just posted about eating in seperate places, glad I'm not alone on this 😂

Namechange5555555555 · 23/09/2024 07:58

We all stay and chat.

So rude to get up and leave!

exprecis · 23/09/2024 07:57

In general, we stay. Sometimes DH chewing every mouthful what feels like a billion times drives me so crazy that I start washing up 😁

ConflictofInterest · 23/09/2024 07:56

We all eat in separate places. I did used to be made to stay at the table as a child though. I never understood the point it.

mitogoshigg · 23/09/2024 07:55

@lololulu

My dc aren't allowed food in bedrooms and they are adults. Things go rotten (even the odd sandwich has!)

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