AIBU to not want to call my daughter’s genitals her vagina?

Fanny, privates or bits are fine. No misunderstandings will arise if a child mentioned someone touching her fanny, it's not a word that can be misunderstood.

I know what you mean OP, I find it uncomfortable too. However, I made myself question why I find it uncomfortable and ultimately decided I don't want to pass on that discomfort to my children. It was an interesting line of thought, why society sees 'willy', 'dick', 'cock' etc as everyday (allbeit slightly rude) words but 'fanny', 'foof' and 'c*nt' are either cringe or so rude that I don't even want to write the full word here for fear someone will take offence. I think it was Caitlin Moran who changed the narrative for me to say she has a piece of anatomy so strong that people fear to speak of it in public!

So, we call genitals...genitals! Or more specifically penis and vulva. I also considered all the alternative words for vulva and decided that really none of them sounded better than another (hate foof for example) so why not just stick to being anatomically correct. I'm trying to raise them to not cringe when they think of or refer to their own body parts, and to have as much body positivity as I can muster. It's really out of my comfort zone, but I've been told I'm putting on a good show of it.

It's worked so far, my 3 and 5 year olds say the words the same as they would say knee or elbow. Perhaps that'll change with school influences etc, but we're trying to lay good foundations.

It helps that DH is German, and on the whole they have far less hang ups about nudity, body parts, body hair and the rest of it than some other countries.

I’m not sure why you’re looking for ways to deny CSA whereby an important case detail was the terminology used by the child being used by the adult male’s (usually) defence team to cast doubt as to what he had done.

Because it does happen.

By all means don’t arm your child with the actual names of her own anatomy if ‘it doesn’t sit right’ with you, but I would be cautious about attempting to cast doubt upon the very valid reasons many, if not most, parents choose to use actual anatomical labelling to help protect their children.

Wtaf is this thread??? Why do you want your children to grow up thinking that the words that describe their female body parts are taboo?
we used vulva because that’s what it is. Vagina is also fine.
FooFoo???! How gross and cutesy is that 🤮 never even heard of it.

You say “no one says vulva” but I think that’s an issue in itself! They should say vulva because vagina is the inside part (not saying you don’t know this but it’s a reason to say it)

It’s a problem that adults don’t say the word vulva.

I don’t have any other helpful suggestions for a word - I have skimmed the full thread but still don’t think anything else works.

We use "vagina". Yes, I know the outer part is the vulva but we are talking about the whole organ.

I don't say "my duodenum is hurting"; I say "my tummy".

Same situation.

This reminds me of 'bonus hole' on another thread

I like it!

She will only be weird about vagina if you are.

You can say
'My privates' for now if you like as that is clear terminology that adults will understand and take seriously if she discloses abuse and it also reinforces the message that it's private and hers.
Lot up nspcc pants rule too.
I would also get a book about body parts to teach her correct terms .

Admittedly I am old, but I don't remember my parents ever using any words at all : not even "privates".
I had boys so the question never really arose:

Fanny was the old term- I still get a 'shock' when Americans call a 'bum bag'{for dog treats/poo bags &c} a ''Fanny Pack''

Or they say ''I fell on my Fanny'' which sounds very painful.

My son called them his 'testisticles'. Now he just uses 'balls'

I was always taught minnie and I believe that's what my nieces have been taught.

It is really, really weird how you keep asking people to post cases of child SA just because you don’t want to use adult terms for a body part. Please, grow up

Our girl version of Willy is Wilma.

wildly inappropriate? Really? Why?

it’s also worth noting a significant number of cases are nfa’d (no further action) in the uk - so many of the children we work with will not even get to court. If the CPS think the case doesn’t stand a serious chance winning , it will be nfa’d. The public will know nothing about it - so I can think of several cases I’ve personally worked with where this is the case. the family , the alleged perpetrator and the professionals involved in the case will all remember it but no one else will even be aware it was even investigated and it certainly won’t be reported publicly

The argument for using correct terms is to avoid misunderstanding when a child relates a crime. The example used in my training was a child relaying that her Grandad "licked her cookie". I'm not convinced that's a real example, but I supposed there is scope for misunderstanding.

I've always used privates or private parts. I think that would always be clear, even if more questioning was required to establish exactly which private part.

YABU The more you use the terms the less 'harsh' they sound.
This is a bit outting as I've told this story irl. When my Dd was about 3, she heard the T'pau song 'China in your hand' and asked why the lady was singing about Vagina in her hand 🤣
Makes me smile every time I hear the song which is not often enough tbh

Why would you want to read them? It would be distressing. The main point is if the child has a name that doesn’t raise alarm bells any disclosure could go without being acted upon.

the private details of a small child’s case will often not be shared publicly. But I can personally tell you it was bloody awful being involved in those trials.

the csa rates in the uk are between 1in 7 and 1in 20 depending on the severity of the abuse - I can’t imagine why you would want to increase your child’s risk of not disclosing over a word. Worse- we know children who don’t have the words and the environment to safely disclose wait longer to tell a trusted adult. More children disclose after their PSHE lesson than at other times which can mean some children wait up to 7 years to disclose. The thought of a child being in that position for 7 years is unbearable (and I work with them day in and day out )

I think the problem with Fanny is that sone people use it to mean buttocks, as in Fanny pack, or landed on their Fanny, which raises the old “ bottom” ambiguity which people worry about. In terms of knowing exactly what they mean, tbh Willy would get the point across more accurately: it’s obvious a girl isn’t meaning penis.