AIBU to not want to call my daughter’s genitals her vagina?

Why do people cringe at medical terms but use terms that predators/paedophile like to use. Silly little names like they are 5. Adult up. It's only biology.

Yup, I worked in an adjacent area for a bit and I’m not going to share any details for rockspiders to get their jollies over, but it would be really good if parents just called things their correct names.

If you say “vulva” in context 10 times, it will seem normal, and your daughter won’t need to have this conversation when she is a parent.

I was always told from a young age that it was my privates. When I grew up I did think it was strange when I had to start calling it my vagina. I wished I was taught it from the start! I've told both my kids, it's vaginia. Absolutely no one I know in real life has ever called it vulva.

Op Ive tried searching but hard on my phone and tbh so much is coming it it's heartbreaking. But I did read an article last week where a step brother had got his young step sister convinced body parts were called something else so when she said anything it was immediately evident exactly what was going on. I believe but could be wrong he'd take the front off of front bottom for example

There is no female equivalent to willy is there? Penis and vagina/vulva are such ugly words that we always went with willy, fortunately we only have a boy! I think if I had a dd who was asking me straight out though, then I'd go with vulva just because the other options are not great.

Honestly they're all awful! 'Bits', 'Foof', 'front bottom', 'fanny'... or just 'make sure you wash...yourself' with a general indication to the between the legs area. Bleugh!! My absolute worst by a miracle mile is the one that rhymes with cringe, Don't even want to write it. Yuk.

Genitals, vulva, vagina...done.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/erinlarosa/how-many-words-that-mean-vagina-do-you-know

I think saying ‘bits’ is far worse. At least don’t be so twee-private parts if you must or genitals. And front bottom? What on earth is that??

Yes I said it was mentioned. Often by adult people who speaks of severe trauma from not being heard and believed by care takers. A link has been offered above for you to look into. Again 1 is too many.

Here you are OP, maybe take a leaf out of Caitlins book...

I'll mark it as sensitive as I know some people REALLY hate the word.

This is a terrible term to use. Far too easy to be misunderstood in a safeguarding context.

I always wonder what’s wrong with ‘fanny’, too. And why on earth there isn’t a commonly known equivalent of ‘willy’.

I’ve heard ‘fanjo’ from Gdd1, now 9. Certainly sounds better to me than the so often misused ‘vagina’, or ‘vulva’.

No, I didn't say that: just that (at the time) I never noticed their absence.

Be great wouldn't it if there could be a generation who weren't taught that part of their bodies was shameful/dirty enough to not warrant being called its true name/need cutesying up.

So many men are so frickin proud of their penis. Sigh.

whats the issue?! I mean call it what you want but it’s a bit weird to not want to use the correct terms don’t you think?

Giving them the correct names normalises it though. You don't give your other body parts nicknames, why do it to genitals? That just highlights your embarrassment or whatever it is that makes you feel you can't use the correct terminology. Don't pass that on to your children.

And yes, I know we all use slang terminology (bonce, arse, boobs etc), but that's a different issue, you wouldn't be teaching those to your kids either.

All of this.

Like I said I watch a lot of true crime. I can link you if I come across a new one. However I am not going to bother going through watched ones to satisfy your curiosity. Like I said 1 is too many.

Also:

my daughter has started to ask ‘what’s this’ pointing at her ‘bits’ and we need an answer soon!

you need an answer when she asks the question. You know the answer- it’s a vulva. You should answer your children when they ask questions, to the best of your ability and honestly.

You could, I suppose be honest and say “it’s actually called a vulva but I have difficulty saying that because it makes me feel uncomfortable/ dirty / ashamed, so I’m trying to come up with a suitable euphemism to soften the blow of having to acknowledge your female body parts out loud.”

I think I would personally choose getting over myself and responding simply with “it’s your vulva” 🤷🏼‍♀️

I do think being fastidious about anatomically accurate words in this day and age is ridiculous.

Vulva/vagina works for me (although I hate the word “vagina”: think it’s really ugly.

I absolutely loathe “fanny” though. Always found it inexplicably disgusting and laced with overtones of perversion for reasons I can’t quite explain. Urgh.

You’re free to google yourself. I don’t have access to the course materials from the several safeguarding training sessions where this was provided as an example. I believe https://thirtyoneeight.org was the provider.

Exactly this. And now my girls are able to talk about and describe their body parts without any shame.

It can be used by a defence team to very successfully deny ‘severity’ in the horrific event of CSA. I don’t think adult social discomfort around actual names of things should be passed on to children, but that’s me. You do you.

We say vagina - I know I know its technically not correct for the whole area but the naming of specific parts can come later. I talk to her about "how many holes there are" and what they are for, in language she can understand. Felt a bit weird explaining the first time but she gets it and I realised the weirdness was only in my head. She's completely comfortable with it now.

I explain as much of the world as I can to her - I would feel weird talking in depth to her about dinosaurs and the water cycle etc but then telling her she has a "fanny" or a "foof". Doesn't sit right with me. She needs to know. We need to arm them with as much knowledge as possible.

And you think that’s a good thing? That you grew up having no words to describe your female body parts?

OP terribly desperate to justify not using the word vulva. FFS.
There are online legal resources where you can read the full cases including testimonies and judgements. The CSA above can point you in the right direction I’m sure.
I’m a lawyer, but I’m not going to. This aversion to the word vulva and the word vagina is just too irritating and nothing gets better while women can’t even happily name their own anatomy nor teach their daughters to do so. FFS.