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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being sensitive, or is my dh a dick?

94 replies

oObyeOo · 22/09/2024 21:24

Recently got back from a biking event. A sport that I’d say I’m alright at. I spend a lot of time on my bike, pushing myself to try harder and get better. I’m not amazing at it but I can hold my own in enduro races and national events/festivals.

The last few enduros I’ve done I’ve been on the podium for my category.

This weekend was an all women’s festival. It was great fun! Full of women at varying abilities, including pro riders. Everyone was so friendly and encouraging. I had such a great time and felt really good about myself. I even won a fun time trial race for my age group.

I got home all excited and was telling dh about it and he’s completely deflated me with his comments.

Why can’t he just say ‘well done’ ‘Sounds amazing!’ Instead he says ‘were you the only one in your category’ said with a laugh, as a joke apparently. And ‘well done, for someone who doesn’t even pump on a pump track’

It’s just so off hand, and I cashed him out on in. But he just dismissed it as he’s only having a laugh!

But why?! Why not just say well done and leave it at that?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 22/09/2024 22:55

It really is @FranceIsWhereItsAt

Lucy25 · 22/09/2024 22:47

oObyeOo · 22/09/2024 21:39

This is exactly it! It’s me being ‘sensitive’ for not taking it as a joke.

Show quote history

You’re not being ‘sensitive’ jokes are meant to be funny.I agree, with another comment, who said, he rained on your parade.You were buzzing, would have been good to of celebrated it.You’re not being unreasonable, to hope he would be pleased for you, he is.

nomorezoflora · 22/09/2024 22:44

Could he be being extra twatty due to jealousy that you're having fun with your daughter specifically while biking, without him? Given biking is also something he's into.

Grammarnut · 22/09/2024 22:24

Iggleheim · 22/09/2024 21:32

He’s rained on your parade because he is jealous and wants to control your happiness.
Well done OP. You sound amazing,

Exactly this.

splatmouse · 22/09/2024 22:22

Echoing the first response, it sounds like he doesn't like you if he wants to put a dampener on your happiness. But, OP, do you not feel that his reaction is killing your love for him?

A DH should be someone who you want to share good news and achievements with, someone who will cheer you on. This guy seem be doing the opposite. I can imagine you feel less and less excited about sharing good things with him. I'd be liking him less and less tbh.

Mayorq · 22/09/2024 22:16

Yeah that's definitely his own insecurities manifesting in trying to drag you down.
What a cunt

Noseybookworm · 22/09/2024 22:14

He sounds like a tosser. I'd think very hard about whether you want to spend your life with someone who puts you down when he should be happy for you. It sounds like a miserable existence.

AmiablePedant · 22/09/2024 22:05

I reckon that all people who say "Just having a laugh!" when they have manifestly hurt another person should be made to run away and join the circus.

Original poster
oObyeOo · 22/09/2024 22:05

Edingril · 22/09/2024 22:03

Sounds like a twat but why would he be jealous?

Because I went away without him and left him without the car. Not sure!!

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/09/2024 22:04

He's jealous and nasty

Edingril · 22/09/2024 22:03

Sounds like a twat but why would he be jealous?

FranceIsWhereItsAt · 22/09/2024 21:59

Absolutely agree with this OP! If you do exactly what this poster suggested, and he can't sit up and make a huge apology, and then take a whole different approach in future, I would be planning a whole different future, which he's not a part of.

Also, 'MrsTerryPratchett' doesn't it feel wonderful when your DH praises you to the hilt, about something that you didn't really think he'd taken that much notice of? My DH does this, and it really makes me aware of how much he's out there routing for me. Love that man!!

Pebbles16 · 22/09/2024 21:57

oObyeOo · 22/09/2024 21:24

Recently got back from a biking event. A sport that I’d say I’m alright at. I spend a lot of time on my bike, pushing myself to try harder and get better. I’m not amazing at it but I can hold my own in enduro races and national events/festivals.

The last few enduros I’ve done I’ve been on the podium for my category.

This weekend was an all women’s festival. It was great fun! Full of women at varying abilities, including pro riders. Everyone was so friendly and encouraging. I had such a great time and felt really good about myself. I even won a fun time trial race for my age group.

I got home all excited and was telling dh about it and he’s completely deflated me with his comments.

Why can’t he just say ‘well done’ ‘Sounds amazing!’ Instead he says ‘were you the only one in your category’ said with a laugh, as a joke apparently. And ‘well done, for someone who doesn’t even pump on a pump track’

It’s just so off hand, and I cashed him out on in. But he just dismissed it as he’s only having a laugh!

But why?! Why not just say well done and leave it at that?

Well done OP.
He's a PITA

Original poster
oObyeOo · 22/09/2024 21:52

BarbaraHoward · 22/09/2024 21:49

I don't think you're being oversensitive, no.

Are you spending a lot of time on your hobby, does he have similar levels of free time and does he resent you being absent a lot?

Have you become a bore about your hobby?

Honestly if DH spent huge amounts of time on a hobby and left me holding the fort without the same level of freedom I don't think I could summon up any interest in the hobby either.

But yeah likely a dick.

Not at all. We both work full time. I have weekends off and he works on a 3 week rotation away from home. So when he’s home he has 3 weeks of free time. So if anything he has way more time than I do. I have weekends and evenings.

We spend every weekend as a family, but always involves biking as the kids are mad keen too. My dh is really in to his biking.

OP posts:
Lolatusernamesuggestions · 22/09/2024 21:49

I love hearing about this sort of thing, the doing well and enjoying yourself. Good for you!
He sounds like an utter prick.

BarbaraHoward · 22/09/2024 21:49

I don't think you're being oversensitive, no.

Are you spending a lot of time on your hobby, does he have similar levels of free time and does he resent you being absent a lot?

Have you become a bore about your hobby?

Honestly if DH spent huge amounts of time on a hobby and left me holding the fort without the same level of freedom I don't think I could summon up any interest in the hobby either.

But yeah likely a dick.

AltitudeCheck · 22/09/2024 21:49

Also, this is exactly why women's sports events like this are so important. Sounds like a fantastic weekend and well done to you and your daughter 👏

Original poster
oObyeOo · 22/09/2024 21:48

ClementineChurchill · 22/09/2024 21:41

Be wary of any man who seeks to put down your achievements … how’s the marriage in general? Too early for me to say LTB?!

This has been an issue throughout, but on a lower level. I very rarely go away for a full weekend. So I was buzzing more than ever when I got back over how great the whole weekend was, airbrush time with like minded woman, and learning loads! I was buzzing for my daughter too as she had such a good time.

So it hit harder than if he’d said it after a normal day.

OP posts:
AltitudeCheck · 22/09/2024 21:45

Classic example of negging with a bit of misogyny about women's sports/ achievements thrown in. Very unattractive :(

Your daughter will pick up on this, perhaps only subconsciously. If he won't change for you perhaps he will consider the message it sends her?

Tusktusk · 22/09/2024 21:45

Dear OP,

You are not being over-sensitive.

He is a dick.

My ex was a bit like this too.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/09/2024 21:45

So he is just shitting on it. It's not a joke.

I'd try a last attempt using When...I feel...Because...Please.

When you 'joke' and make comments belittling my cycling
I feel hurt and deflated
Because it's important to me and I try hard. It's also important for DD to see my accomplishments.
Please don't 'joke' about me not being good. Please encourage and support me.

If he can't, I'm afraid that would be a dealbreaker for me.

Just to give you an idea of what a good man does... I have lost a bit of weight running and watching my food over the last few months. Short distances, only three runs a week, and I'm slow. A mutual friend hasn't seen me for a while and said, "you've lost weight" I said something modest and vaguely self-deprecating. DH said, "she's had the eye of the tiger, mate, properly committed". It was lovely.

MultiplaLight · 22/09/2024 21:44

There's a difference between being humble and proud, than thinking too highly of yourself.

He needs to stop.

LovelyDaaling · 22/09/2024 21:44

He hates to admit you did well and he feels a failure because other men were better than him.. He's small minded, jealous and doesn't like you going out for the day.

Original poster
oObyeOo · 22/09/2024 21:43

User364837 · 22/09/2024 21:37

Sounds like my XH. Could never congratulate or be genuinely happy for anyone else, always had to pull them down.
for him I think it was because of his own insecurity and because he’s a very proud person. But it’s not a nice trait. You want a partner who is your biggest cheerleader and bigs you up.

I think it is his own insecurities. It’s like he doesn’t want us to think highly of ourselves because we’re not pros!

He used to spend a lot of time taking part in a different sport with pros. He was really good at it, but not as good as the guys he was doing it with. So if you’re not a pro, you’re not very good.

OP posts:
ClementineChurchill · 22/09/2024 21:41

Be wary of any man who seeks to put down your achievements … how’s the marriage in general? Too early for me to say LTB?!

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