Why aren't any of the school mums ' normal ' ??

The problem with try to make friends with ‘school mums’ is that you are trying to form a friendship based on the fact that you have kids around the same age. That’s it and nothing else.

If someone is an awful person they won’t put that on show at the school gates. Seeming nice at the school gates for 10 mins twice a day means nothing. There’s no indication that you will actually get on. So if you really want to make friends there you will have to go through the process of getting to know them, many times before you find one that turns into an actual friend.

DS sometimes went to breakfast club but on the days he didn’t, I would drop and run.

The common denominator in all these relationships that go wrong is presumably you… ?
Just pointing this out.

Just say hi, smile politely, don’t say much, just drop your kids off or pick them up and then get out of there as quickly as you can.

Hmm I know what you mean, I met a mum who I thought was really nice but she seems to have it in for a particular couple where the mum is a bit of a high flier (we are both SAHM’s her own husband earns quite a bit). She doesn’t even know them that well, I do and they are really, really nice people (especially the mum, she’s really smart but also very self effacing). i means she says stuff about their perfectly normal children as well. I never actually attribute stuff to jealousy but yup that there is jealousy of a woman with a stellar career. Really put me off her.

Another mum started giving me a lecture about how god had written my life out already so I shouldn’t worry. Bless her she’s still lovely so we are still mates but I avoid anything that may trigger a god chat.

We are all people, none of us are perfect and the school gate is a bit of a weird one. But yes my default setting is very friendly and I have found some people to be quite unpleasant with repeated contact and sincerely regret making an effort at all.

This is the attitude I have and it’s so freeing. Even with this attitude I’ve made friends with a handful of really lovely mums on the school run over the years. It’s been a slow burn though as the ones I like are the quieter ones. I avoid the loud ones like the plague.

Are there any Dads that you can chat to?.

At my DD's school it wasn't really the DC that encouraged the friendships, it was getting to know people and there was a tendency I noticed for older parents so late 30,s plus to be more likely to be friends and those in there 20s or early 30s to be friends.

It's actually case IN point, not casing point, whatever that is.

Don’t do this to yourself. Make friendships based on shared interests - not the sheer fact your kids attend the same school.

I somehow wound up with some mums at the gates at one school. Nothing but hell. I remember when I moved my kids schools I swore never to befriend anyone at those gates. It was BLISS, the school run was enjoyable and no one knew anything about me and vice versa

In my experience it's not a good idea to get too friendly with the primary school "clique mums".
I got to know 2 or 3 that I really liked and are still friends with me. I was polite to the clique mums but just didn't get involved. We had nothing in common anyway, only that our kids were in the same class.

This is me. I walk home with one mum but we have known each other ages as our kids went to the same nursery and we have both seemingly decided we can do 20 minutes chat without annoying each other!

Because the normal ones have been so put off by the two faced queen bee ones that all they do is scuttle in, drop kids, and run away as fast as they can hoping only to smile and peg it with seeing as few other parents as possible.

A few people have said "so what, these people are just dropping their kids" That's true but I do think it would be nice to form some sense of community around school life.

I'm jealous of my "real life" friend who has formed a tight group of parent friends, so much so that they all go on holiday together. The main benefit being reciprocal childcare and the kids practically feel like family.

I do feel a bit isolated as my ds is an only child and I'm a lone parent. I'd love to have a wider network. I've tried to be friendly without seeming desperate and so far have managed to be on texting terms with one mum, and I sometimes meet my ds best friends mum for coffee while the boys do an activity. I suspect that will be the extent of my friendships given ds leaves primary school in 1.5 years!

I actually did a lot better with friendships at nursery, mostly cos one persistent mum welcomed me into the fold and is a great organiser so we all meet up a few times a year. Thank god for that!

I've noticed this too. Anytime I try and get to know someone there is always something, like they begin to get a bit too controlling and too much in my life, nosey, or wanting to spend all the time with me, , or one will talk non stop and you can't get a word in edge ways. Another I used to take their kids in the morning sometimes so they could go to work early but she started expecting it every morning. Another one who seemed really friendly starting shouting at me as apparently her child had got upset about something my child said , it really was nothing, something said as a joke that offended her. I usually just drop my child off now and keep myself to myself and will only smile and say hello to a few of the parents

All people have flaws, all my friends have flaws and do things that I don't agree with but at the end of the day you can either be picky about these things or you can accept the "bad" bits of people because you enjoy spending time with them the majority of the time.

Are you American op?

I used to think I had nothing in common with school mums on the days i dropped and collected. I realised as my child got older that the women that were like me were working in professional roles so they weren’t at the school gates necessarily.

In year six we all ended up getting together to do some fundraising and I got to know these mums a lot better.

I don’t mean by this post that professional women are more “normal”, just that in my case I had more common with them.

This, sure I chatted sometimes but it seems perfectly normal people at the thought of going to a school become this wanting to turn it into an American TV movie

We are there to do a job if we meet people great but if, and a big if, you come across like an over eager puppy it may put people off

Just be yourself and maybe calm down

On the flip side I've met my best mate from the school run..... kids now in year 4, in that time I've sorted the wheat from the chaff and now just exchange pleasantries with the others.....time will tell.....

I agree that you shouldn’t expect to make good friends through school - if it happens then you’re fortunate. I met a handful through playgroups, nursery and school but this was over 5 children and 20+ years.

They’re just people with kids in the same school. You’re as likely to find them likeable or dislikeable as any other twenty five randomly chosen people.

Stop being ‘super-friendly’ with virtual strangers until you get a better sense of what they’re like.

I think your problem is that you say you make connections quickly. You obviously need to slow down and take your time. You're right to back away at red flags like bad mouthing people.

What is "normal"? Very few of us are actually ok. A few may be, but many of us are stressed and overloaded and running around like headless chickens and trying to hold our shit together because it's expected. Most people have issues of some description. I agree, avoid the ones who are actively mean but give the rest a break.