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AIBU?

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Neighbour kicked my door down/broke in

435 replies

Sparklfairy · 22/09/2024 20:51

AIBU to expect the police to arrest/remove him...?

I live alone in a flat in a block of 4. I have met this neighbour just once, and introduced myself. A few weeks ago he knocked on my door, not threateningly, but persistently - consistent knocking for 3-4 minutes... at 1.30am. I was awake as I WFH but nights, and just ignored it.

He went away, and there's been nothing since. Until yesterday at 6-something in the morning. Again, I was working but the flat was in total silence. No tv or any noise that would disturb him, I was literally just sitting on my bed.

Suddenly I heard a bang and froze. I was confused and didn't know what it was and was trying to work out where it was coming from. 3 or 4 further bangs and my front door burst open and he was stood there, swaying, glassy eyed.

I screamed. It's a studio, tiny flat, like one of those micro flats that you see advertised but yes, this is my life and I had no escape, no room to hide in, not even a bathroom with a lock on the door (as there is no lock, and the bathroom is opposite the front door).

I screamed at him, he said I was 'in' his head, fucking with his head (when I've done absolutely nothing), and when he tried to step towards me I screamed again and he suddenly 'clicked', became lucid and said ok and left. I was shaking.

My other neighbour (upstairs, but next door to him), texted me saying he heard screaming, and let me take refuge in his flat. Before I did, I obviously called 999. The police seemed non committal, that someone would come out at some point. 36 hours later I've had no visit.

But here is the kicker. When hiding in my neighbours flat, my friend/neighbour had the bright idea of just knocking on his door and talking to crazy tenant. He has recorded the conversation where crazy tenant admits I did nothing wrong but I just 'remind him' of someone and that's why he broke my door down

I rang 101 with the crime ref to update. The lady was so helpful and checked with her supervisor as she was astonished no one had come out to me yet. She reassured me that someone would attend and it had been miscategorised/recategorised now.

It's now nearly 9pm on Sunday and STILL nothing. I can't go home. The lock has been 'fixed' but obviously Crazy Tenant has proven that he can break it whenever he likes. I live alone. I have stressed every single detail which should have escalated this, but nothing is being done. I have chased with the letting agent but basically they're saying I have to wait until Monday for any action to be done. And even then, they were non committal as to WHAT would happen.

So I'm stuck, and cannot go home, and my rent is due today. I have no idea what to do.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Sparklfairy · 24/09/2024 06:28

Also, I'm not really sure where to go from here. At the risk of outing myself even more than I have already, this isn't the first time the police have fucked up (10 years ago, I was attacked by an online date). At the time I got my MP involved and he tried his best, but didn't get anywhere with the commissioner. I stumbled across a solicitor who was an absolute SHL and got a judicial review and an apology, but then they alluded that if I pursued it any more then they would fight it tooth and nail, meaning they would be digging into me and discrediting me. My solicitor relayed that to me directly, and I trust her (plus you know, being bound by ethics and shit), so I dropped it. 3 years of consistent stress to come to not much, and it seems nothing has changed.

I have a lot going on in my life right now, and having been through it before I'm not sure I can put myself through the complaints etc again, only to be dismissed. I may have to sort out some kind of therapy though, because every single noise I'm hearing is giving me a surge of adrenaline - even though I'm 80% sure Crazy Tenant has gone and I know he can't break in (easily) now with the deadbolt...

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 24/09/2024 06:15

Sorry for not coming back, yesterday was stressful and as I work nights and normally sleep in the day, but haven't really slept since Friday (!) once everything was 'sorted' I just crashed out in bed.

First, letting agent came round with some contractor. Had a chat, he looked at the door, and then I was told that the locksmith would be over later. I was also told that Crazy Tenant would be removed and housed elsewhere today (as in yesterday).

Then I went to the police station. Honestly there isn't much to say about that. They didn't ask anything they haven't already, and those calls are all recorded rather than scribbled down based on an interpretation of what I've said. But whatever.

Then I came back and shortly afterwards the locksmith arrived, who fitted a deadbolt which is fab, and basically since then I've tried to fitfully sleep with Prison Break being binged watched in between my one hour snoozes.

I assume Crazy Tenant has left. I haven't heard movement upstairs for a while, I doubt anyone will tell me when he's gone - the agent isn't proactive like that.

I know that people have formed their own opinions about me supposedly being 'difficult' but I'm not sure you completely get the circumstances. I was still in shock when I wrote the OP, and it's really difficult to know when you're writing how much detail to include, and how much is not necessary and makes it too long, but I'll try and fill in some gaps/remind you of the sequence of events which influenced my decision making process.

As soon as Crazy Tenant left, I pushed the door shut, noticed the lock was broken (obviously) and called 999.
Dispatch asked me some questions:

  • When did this happen (just now, he's now pacing upstairs, I can hear him and I've got no idea if he's going to come back, I've now got no lock on the front door and this was unprovoked with no warning and he's clearly volatile)
  • Can you hide in another room? (It's a studio flat, the only other room is the bathroom and that doesn't have any lock on it)
  • Can you leave the flat? (Not really, my option is to run out into the street and go where at 7am on a Saturday dressed in pyjamas? My other neighbour has just texted and said he heard screaming, so now he's on his way down).
  • What's brought this on? (Nothing, I've met the guy once and introduced myself. He knocked on my door persistently (but not threatening) at 1:30 am one night a few weeks ago, and I didn't answer, but nothing since. [I then explained about the transient population of that flat and often that the tenants were vulnerable/drink/drugs etc and that it was clearly escalating, from knocking to smashing the door in and nothing in between].

I genuinely thought someone would come out. Especially as she'd told me to hide - you kind of get the impression that you'd be hiding until the police turned up, no? But 6 hours later I get a call, more questions, saying well you're on the list, might be today, might not etc etc.

I kicked myself a bit mentioning my other (nice) neighbour at the time. Maybe they'd de-escalated priority because of that. But it occurred to me that if I'd stayed in the flat, then clearly I didn't consider myself in danger, and if I said I was leaving the flat as suggested by dispatch, then I wasn't in immediate danger anymore anyway. I couldn't win or make a different decision that would have made them come out any quicker.

When I got yet another call that they were coming out at some point, but couldn't say when or even a timescale, and wanted to know what hotel I was in, I lost it (in my head, not to them). I should be sleeping in the day, not hovering waiting for them to randomly turn up/not turn up. PPs have said it can take MONTHS for them to attend to take a statement.

Now this isn't a have-a-bitch-at-the-police rant, but if that is the way the system currently works, I am allowed to consider the practicalities and impact on me. If you don't give me a timeframe, and are likely to either wake me up or even burst in, climb through an open window however many days/weeks from now, and expect a coherent statement from me when I'm in that state, then I was absolutely right to insist that a firm appt was made and I could just go and get it done.

Of course, they may not have knocked on my door (which as I'm sure you can imagine, put the fear of God in me even when the agent and locksmith did it yesterday - I had no idea if it was them as I didn't get a time and it could have been Crazy Tenant coming back). The police may have just given me a lecture about wasting police time because I wasn't available for an indeterminate amount of time at their beck and call.

I stand by my decisions. Sorry this was so long, but it was really upsetting reading quite sanctimonious posts saying I should have done xyz. Thank you to everyone else who has given their stories and support.

The worst thing about it all is that when it happened, Crazy Tenant suddenly 'clicked' and became lucid again, and just said 'Ok' when I screamed at him for the second time and disappeared back upstairs. There was absolutely nothing to say he would click back to crazy at any point and come back downstairs with a weapon. And I had no lock on my door now. When I stayed at my other neighbours, we were both worried he would just kick his door in next.

OP posts:
passiveaggressivenonsense · 24/09/2024 05:04

This sounds terrifying. Arm yourself with some deep heat spray. Look up on you tube for ideas how to barricade a door. I hope the police / your landlord remove him soon.

Fraaahnces · 24/09/2024 04:10

I keep hearing how hard it is to get police out for what I would consider to be pretty momentuous safety concerns. I understand that they're overstretched and under-resourced, but that's pure negligence.

BiscottiToffee · 24/09/2024 03:18

I hope things are going well for you.

Any update ??

VickyPollard25 · 24/09/2024 02:57

This is unfair and makes me furious on your behalf OP. It’s always the more vulnerable that are targeted- women living alone, the elderly, children, etc.

It’s disgraceful that the police didn’t come immediately. I honestly think no one cares about vulnerable people and if you don’t have money or family around to help you, then you are a sitting duck in this world. I think we need to do all in our power to protect ourselves. In your position, I would not go back to that flat other than to move out. Can you try and find temporary accommodation elsewhere while you get a new permanent place? You can also get these travel door wedges/stops that have battery alarms in them. I use them when travelling. They will prevent the door being opened regardless of force used, and make a real racket if someone tries.

I think the man who broke in had evil intentions. He identified you as living alone and thought he was entitled to you as no one was around to stop him. It’s BS that you reminded him of someone.

Candy1985 · 24/09/2024 02:47

OP sorry to hear this shite you are being put through. Do not back down I hope you get it all sorted out.

sidebirds · 24/09/2024 00:08

KrisAkabusi · 23/09/2024 23:53

i found this thread shocking & upsetting. apparently random (and i bet unvetted) males being housed within the private secure spaces of a woman living on her own.

I get that it's upsetting, but this isn't happening. The OP is renting a flat in a block of flats. There are no circumstances in which another flat in the same building could be considered her private secure space.

i disagree. once one passes the communal door of a block of flats / shared house, etc., it is a private secure space, as far as the residents are concerned. and of course becomes even more so within the flats themselves.

anyway, incredibly negligent of a cash-hungry landlord to house (perhaps unvetted) random short-term lodgers in such circumstances. not to mention the response of the authorities to this distressing - in fact, terrifying - situation.

Italiangreyhound · 24/09/2024 00:00

*Sparklfairy I am so sorry, this is awful. *

I hope you get the resolution you need and I would definitely move.

PerkyBlinder · 23/09/2024 23:56

I complete sympathise with you @Sparklfairy but would advise you start looking for a new flat as your neighbour with mental health issues is unlikely to be moved quickly if at all. My DD’s dad is a housing officer and it takes a long time to build a case to evict a problem tenant with mental health issues. They have to prove they have done everything to support the person and eviction is a necessary reasonsble action to take. It takes time to secure and requires a court hearing. He had one recently where the tenant had literally taken a machete round to a neighbours house. They were repeatedly abusive and violent to multiple neighbours, spent time in prison but it took ages to finally get the case heard and the eviction through. The council has to prove they have not failed in their duty to care for the mentally ill person. The other tenants rights to live in peace is only something taken into account in balance to the mentally ill person’s needs too. It’s frustrating for everyone involved.

Given you are in private rented, you can choose to live elsewhere. You can’t change the world or the system and even though it’s not fair and it’s not justice, at least you have that option to choose where you live. If you’ve signed a long term tenancy contract then you’d need to come to an arrangement with your LL to break contract early which hopefully given the circumstances you can arrange to do.

Hope you find a resolution soon and have some good support around you. Victim Support can be really helpful and the police should put you in touch with them. 💐

KrisAkabusi · 23/09/2024 23:53

i found this thread shocking & upsetting. apparently random (and i bet unvetted) males being housed within the private secure spaces of a woman living on her own.

I get that it's upsetting, but this isn't happening. The OP is renting a flat in a block of flats. There are no circumstances in which another flat in the same building could be considered her private secure space.

sidebirds · 23/09/2024 23:37

RaspberryParade · 23/09/2024 20:16

The thing i worry about those is if what if you need an ambulance and you cant get to the door to let them in?
Its going to be hard to batter down the door.

no door (unless perhaps a 24 inch thick metal door at Fort Knox) is impregnable (however a tank would manage it), so properly equipped police could get through a door equipped with a London Bar. but another layer of defence to a woman on her own.

i found this thread shocking & upsetting. apparently random (and i bet unvetted) males being housed within the private secure spaces of a woman living on her own.

Autumnismyfavouritetimeofyear · 23/09/2024 22:41

Thats terrible @Fruby - it is just unacceptable that DA is still being treated so poorly. Jess Philips was just talking about Raneems law the other day - after the poor woman and her mother were killed by her abusive ex, but she had called the police 4 time that day concerned about her safety, one time of which he was in the house I think. The police were found to have materially contributed to her death. When I worked in a womens shelter, 30 years ago, they always reminded us that statistically at least 20% of the male officers responding to calls about DA were abusers themselves.

Fruby · 23/09/2024 22:04

sorry this has happened to you.

Something similar happened to me and it took over 3 weeks for the police to respond. During this time I genuinely felt myself and my baby were in extreme danger.

It turned out the police in my city had a problem with the computer log system, so the lost hundreds of reported crimes.

I was quite shocked because its the only time I’ve ever needed police assistance and couldn’t believe they weren’t there for me.

Do everything you’ve got to do to keep yourself safe, and keep contacting the police and local mps until someone takes it seriously

Haggia · 23/09/2024 22:00

I don’t think OP is coming back.

Autumnismyfavouritetimeofyear · 23/09/2024 21:43

OP, how did it go with the police today?

Noodles1234 · 23/09/2024 21:40

This is horrendous, I am so sorry OP.

can you visit your local Police Station and talk directly to someone? Chase your local Police Commissioner and maybe local mental health department in your local hospital?

Absolutely horrific.

Toptops · 23/09/2024 21:31

Appalling!
Hoping you get speedy resolution x

PinkyFlamingo · 23/09/2024 21:28

Sparklfairy · 22/09/2024 23:10

The reactions to this are so weird. They have failed in their basic duty to protect me, so no, I'm not telling them where I am, because it's the only place that I am 100% safe.

However, I have made arrangements that I will go to them tomorrow morning. I'm accommodating them, just not in the way they dictate.

This is their fuck up, not mine. It's on me to protect myself because they won't.

That's completely ridiculous, regardless of how you feel they have acted your safety is not at risk from them!

KrisAkabusi · 23/09/2024 21:06

Headstarttohappiness · 23/09/2024 20:53

Have you the energy after all this to call the Kent Messenger/ Evening Post news desk and give them the story? They will probably run the story and that publicity may well get the police and/or your landlord shifting.

How can they publicise anything when they can't possibly name anyone involved for fear of getting sued? They couldn't name the OP, the neighbour, the landlord or where it happened!

Notenoughtime23 · 23/09/2024 21:04

I am not saying what the police did was right but I genuinely don’t think the public realises how over stretched they are. I’m not a police officer but have a lot of dealings through work. Unfortunately they have to prioritise as there simply isn’t enough officers to go round. So if the neighbour had left then in their eyes you not in imminent danger but the woman on the other line whose husband has a knife and is trying to stab her is or the person with intruders in their house is and therefore these have to be prioritised. It’s awful that this is the case but this is what the reality is. I think and I hope that had you rang whilst he was still in the property then the response would have been very different. No one wants to do this job anymore. They are not valued by the public and for the abuse and violence they have to put up with on a daily basis they are simply not paid enough. The government need to step up because both police officers and staff are leaving in high numbers. There is no incentive to stay anymore. The government don’t want to pay for more officers or staff so police have to make judgement calls and they aren’t always the correct ones but again it’s the police that get the blame. Never the people that cut their numbers. As for why are they so worried about covering there own arses because they have to. Policing is now 90% paperwork. Added to the fact there aren’t enough numbers of officers the system is bound to fail but it is very unlikely it will just be because someone couldn’t be bothered it’s more likely that they simply didn’t have the resources. If people realised the sheer amount of violent crimes police attend on a daily basis they would be shocked as I don’t think unless you work either with the police or alongside them you truly realise the amount of things they deal with that the public just don’t hear about

Foxxo · 23/09/2024 21:01

Hope you're having a more restful and less stressed evening this evening @Sparklfairy

GuestFeatu · 23/09/2024 21:01

Headstarttohappiness · 23/09/2024 20:53

Have you the energy after all this to call the Kent Messenger/ Evening Post news desk and give them the story? They will probably run the story and that publicity may well get the police and/or your landlord shifting.

They shouldn't be writing stories about allegations that haven't even been investigated by police. For one thing they could be sued for defamation as they only have one person's word for it and for another if newspapers publish stories about potential open police investigations they risk prejudicing the investigation. This is a total non starter.

sunights · 23/09/2024 20:59

Overtheatlantic · 22/09/2024 21:24

Please install a camera ring bell outside your door. The police won’t be able to ignore it:

Edited to delete due to OP's responses being BU / only accepting advice that with fits their point of view.

Haggia · 23/09/2024 20:56

Headstarttohappiness · 23/09/2024 20:53

Have you the energy after all this to call the Kent Messenger/ Evening Post news desk and give them the story? They will probably run the story and that publicity may well get the police and/or your landlord shifting.

Great idea but willing to bet the farm this ain’t going to happen.