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AIBU?

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Original poster

Neighbour kicked my door down/broke in

435 replies

Sparklfairy · 22/09/2024 20:51

AIBU to expect the police to arrest/remove him...?

I live alone in a flat in a block of 4. I have met this neighbour just once, and introduced myself. A few weeks ago he knocked on my door, not threateningly, but persistently - consistent knocking for 3-4 minutes... at 1.30am. I was awake as I WFH but nights, and just ignored it.

He went away, and there's been nothing since. Until yesterday at 6-something in the morning. Again, I was working but the flat was in total silence. No tv or any noise that would disturb him, I was literally just sitting on my bed.

Suddenly I heard a bang and froze. I was confused and didn't know what it was and was trying to work out where it was coming from. 3 or 4 further bangs and my front door burst open and he was stood there, swaying, glassy eyed.

I screamed. It's a studio, tiny flat, like one of those micro flats that you see advertised but yes, this is my life and I had no escape, no room to hide in, not even a bathroom with a lock on the door (as there is no lock, and the bathroom is opposite the front door).

I screamed at him, he said I was 'in' his head, fucking with his head (when I've done absolutely nothing), and when he tried to step towards me I screamed again and he suddenly 'clicked', became lucid and said ok and left. I was shaking.

My other neighbour (upstairs, but next door to him), texted me saying he heard screaming, and let me take refuge in his flat. Before I did, I obviously called 999. The police seemed non committal, that someone would come out at some point. 36 hours later I've had no visit.

But here is the kicker. When hiding in my neighbours flat, my friend/neighbour had the bright idea of just knocking on his door and talking to crazy tenant. He has recorded the conversation where crazy tenant admits I did nothing wrong but I just 'remind him' of someone and that's why he broke my door down

I rang 101 with the crime ref to update. The lady was so helpful and checked with her supervisor as she was astonished no one had come out to me yet. She reassured me that someone would attend and it had been miscategorised/recategorised now.

It's now nearly 9pm on Sunday and STILL nothing. I can't go home. The lock has been 'fixed' but obviously Crazy Tenant has proven that he can break it whenever he likes. I live alone. I have stressed every single detail which should have escalated this, but nothing is being done. I have chased with the letting agent but basically they're saying I have to wait until Monday for any action to be done. And even then, they were non committal as to WHAT would happen.

So I'm stuck, and cannot go home, and my rent is due today. I have no idea what to do.

OP posts:
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Merida46 · 22/04/2025 00:55

Get yourself one of these Maglite torches. This one takes four D Size batteries and if Duracell alkaline batteries are used it is quite heavy. Shine it straight in the face of any attacker and it will have them stumbling around in the dark. It can also be used to rap an attacker over the head, once only please!😉

Neighbour kicked my door down/broke in
Cazareeto1 · 04/10/2024 08:58

kittensinthekitchen · 25/09/2024 12:41

An emergency? Yes, I think that's why the OP said "Before I did, I obviously called 999."

Show quote history

It is still an emergency is what I am saying the man is unhinged and if he was willing to break in to her flat once because he thought she was in his head…. The man is likely has schizophrenia, having paranoid delusions, clearly unmedicated, which is highly likely he will do again to her or someone else until his condition is under control so yes it’s an on going emergency which should still be treated as an emergency. Mental health team should have been called by the police to have him assessed but clearly they are not doing their job correctly. The OP should have told the police where she was, that was extremely stupid. As they would have came out to see her at the location and would have seen how terrified she was that she left her home! That is an emergency, but due to her doing that they won’t take if seriously now or in the future on this unfortunately. Which they did not take the correct actions breaking and entering should have had police out that night that is negligence on the police’s part.
my point being until the man is mentally assessed he is an on going danger to everyone around him including strangers which is a reason for an new emergency call. If she hadn’t woke up this could have been something we read in the news..
and could potentially be a future far worse outcome

PsychoHotSauce · 01/10/2024 07:42

I hope you got some sleep. I'm not sure you need to move though. All that upheaval when presumably you're otherwise happy, and the expense... why should you?!

ShouldIGoHigher · 30/09/2024 21:29

OP I really think you need to move.

You've had trauma in this building now so may never feel truly safe.

Also due to the flat belonging to a charity and the housing crisis you may now get all sorts of people coming and going in that flat. If it's temporary then you can never truly relax as you don't know who's going to be in their next.

Seriously, move!

Autumnismyfavouritetimeofyear · 30/09/2024 18:46

I think it is time to go to councillor or MP - enough is enough. The police are supposed to be up on this stuff after Reneems law - its way over due for them to be responding. This should not be your problem to resolve - there are so many other agencies here who need to step up. So sorry you are still in the middle of this.

PsychoHotSauce · 30/09/2024 16:59

So you've been awake 24/25 hours now?

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 30/09/2024 16:36

Zimunya · 30/09/2024 16:09

@Sparklfairy - I don't have anything useful to add, but I just wanedto say that I am so sorry to hear about your experience, and the awful response from both the agent and the police. You deserve to live in safety, and I'm so sorry this isn't happening for you right now.

Thank you. I really appreciate that.

OP posts:
Zimunya · 30/09/2024 16:09

@Sparklfairy - I don't have anything useful to add, but I just wanedto say that I am so sorry to hear about your experience, and the awful response from both the agent and the police. You deserve to live in safety, and I'm so sorry this isn't happening for you right now.

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 30/09/2024 15:41

PsychoHotSauce · 30/09/2024 14:42

What about the police OP? Have they responded yet?

No they haven't. And I'm annoyed at them too. Because it could have gone a very different way.

OP posts:
PsychoHotSauce · 30/09/2024 14:42

What about the police OP? Have they responded yet?

urbanbuddha · 30/09/2024 14:12

You could try asking your local councillor if they can help. The tenants will placed there by social services. If your council is better than ours they might be able to take steps to make sure it’s a tenant who can actually cope with normal living on their own.

Soangrynupset · 30/09/2024 14:05

OP, so sorry to hear about your experience.
Everything is still raw and definitely remains terrifying for you. Having to deal with people less than patient, understanding and professional can be pretty triggering.
Your feelings are valid. Hopefully, the lady has not been fired.

Healing will come.

(I apologise it has been a while since i read your OP, i can't remember.)

Is moving to another part of town an option? Or another town altogether? Different agents/landlord/environment.

(I am heading into an appointment and didn't want to r&r).

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 30/09/2024 13:55

I'm so angry. I've made a complaint to the agent, because I heard banging and crashing upstairs and was worried, and the person I spoke to had obviously not had (or paid any attention to) safeguarding training. He then rang my 'normal' agent and told her to ring me because I was going off on one. I wasn't. He was just being sexist because I called him out on talking over me which is not in line with safeguarding training. Someone that has had a significant trauma needs to be heard out, pacified, not talked over and dictated to.

I then made the complaint, explained the situation, and sent the recording with this man and said I'd made it for personal use as due to previous PTSD I actually block out confrontational situations, so at the time I was making the recording it was in line with GDPR so I alone could listen to it back later and validate myself. I then explained that the other female agent called and said she didn't like going to work because of the behaviour of this man, implying it was similar (being domineering) to what I'd experienced and demonstrated.

They then said it had been dealt with. Fine.

I asked if the footsteps/movement I could hear upstairs was a cleaner prepping for the next tenant, because I hadn't heard anything and I was scared by the noise. I work nights and have been unable to sleep. Normally I sleep from 8am til about 4/5pm. Could he ask (female agent) to give me an update via phone or email please? Could she confirm he was suitable for the building? In the 6 years I've lived here it's been single women or single men with children (once). If it's a volatile man with mental health issues being put in a building with a lone woman when he's admitted that he broke in because I 'reminded him of someone' then they need to rethink. He's unstable.

He's just replied saying that it's 'another' agent company that deals with it (the charity), so he will 'try' to find out from them. Sort of implying that 'my' agent within this agent (iyswim) isn't working there anymore. I really hope I haven't got her fired, especially if Dickhead Agent still remains.

I know about this man. I have friends who are landlords and he manages their properties. He doesn't do a thing, money for retainers seems to disappear with no invoices and every woman is, shall we say, treated differently to the men. If this is a culture of behaviour I really don't want this to be my problem, but I can't live with it if they've fired her and kept him.

Anyone here that wants to judge me for my response, it is a very obvious trauma response, and that Crazy Tenant stood in the doorway and it was 50/50 - 6 feet from me in a straight line with no escape - as to whether he was going to go for me or walk away. Fortunately for me, he happened to walk away. But I feel sick everytime I think about if he'd made a different choice, because I'd have been defenceless.

OP posts:
Fraaahnces · 26/09/2024 08:32

My daughter is going travelling in the new year. This has inspired me to buy her a couple of door wedges to take with her.

121Diet · 25/09/2024 20:40

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm glad he has gone.
What do you mean by check your privilege?

Dinkydo12 · 25/09/2024 20:15

Well I would go and sit in the police station constantly asking for tea and coffee until someone took thus seriously. No wonder there are so many assaults on women if people are allowed to get away with actions like this.

Cicicampbell · 25/09/2024 19:58

Hiya, that sounds awful. I used to live alone and you can feel really vulnerable. I found a very drunk guy sleeping in the communal stairs once and that was scary.

I would complain to police as a starting point. They need to do something, especially as the guy admitted it happening on a recording. They can't just not come out. Maybe extra security at the door such as a chain ect. Maybe get a ring doorbell then least if he returns it's recorded.

Finally maybe set your phone up so you can text 999, sometimes police suggest getting a spare phone.

Widower2014 · 25/09/2024 19:50

Sparklfairy · 22/09/2024 20:51

AIBU to expect the police to arrest/remove him...?

I live alone in a flat in a block of 4. I have met this neighbour just once, and introduced myself. A few weeks ago he knocked on my door, not threateningly, but persistently - consistent knocking for 3-4 minutes... at 1.30am. I was awake as I WFH but nights, and just ignored it.

He went away, and there's been nothing since. Until yesterday at 6-something in the morning. Again, I was working but the flat was in total silence. No tv or any noise that would disturb him, I was literally just sitting on my bed.

Suddenly I heard a bang and froze. I was confused and didn't know what it was and was trying to work out where it was coming from. 3 or 4 further bangs and my front door burst open and he was stood there, swaying, glassy eyed.

I screamed. It's a studio, tiny flat, like one of those micro flats that you see advertised but yes, this is my life and I had no escape, no room to hide in, not even a bathroom with a lock on the door (as there is no lock, and the bathroom is opposite the front door).

I screamed at him, he said I was 'in' his head, fucking with his head (when I've done absolutely nothing), and when he tried to step towards me I screamed again and he suddenly 'clicked', became lucid and said ok and left. I was shaking.

My other neighbour (upstairs, but next door to him), texted me saying he heard screaming, and let me take refuge in his flat. Before I did, I obviously called 999. The police seemed non committal, that someone would come out at some point. 36 hours later I've had no visit.

But here is the kicker. When hiding in my neighbours flat, my friend/neighbour had the bright idea of just knocking on his door and talking to crazy tenant. He has recorded the conversation where crazy tenant admits I did nothing wrong but I just 'remind him' of someone and that's why he broke my door down

I rang 101 with the crime ref to update. The lady was so helpful and checked with her supervisor as she was astonished no one had come out to me yet. She reassured me that someone would attend and it had been miscategorised/recategorised now.

It's now nearly 9pm on Sunday and STILL nothing. I can't go home. The lock has been 'fixed' but obviously Crazy Tenant has proven that he can break it whenever he likes. I live alone. I have stressed every single detail which should have escalated this, but nothing is being done. I have chased with the letting agent but basically they're saying I have to wait until Monday for any action to be done. And even then, they were non committal as to WHAT would happen.

So I'm stuck, and cannot go home, and my rent is due today. I have no idea what to do.

Next time, if there is a next time, say he has threatened you with a knife.

I would also complain to chief constable, copy in your MP, home secretary and local paper

Betterthaneastenders · 25/09/2024 19:25

OMG, I hope you are safe now, is there any update on this, the police have been negligent and something needs to be done, I hope you have managed to sort things out, but if not the best thing would be to go to the police station and not leave until they do something.

SodaFountainMountain · 25/09/2024 16:53

Blimey. You’ve been through a lot. Sorry.

It’s worth you thinking about how to best look after your body and mind following such a shock and a trauma. Your body needs to feel safe again. That’s hard until you know this man has gone. But you can give it the best chance by looking after it as well as you can. Keep hydrated. Eat regularly. Avoid drugs and alcohol. Try and do some strength based exercise and play Tetris (helps to minimise intrusive visual images we think). Talk to people you trust.

It’s totally normal to struggle to sleep, feel jumpy and hyper vigilant. You might get other signs of post traumatic stress disorder but usually they do subside but if they don’t get some support quickly if you can.

i hope you can find some peace soon 💐

TinyFlamingo · 25/09/2024 16:27

I'm so sorry this happened to you and that you've been so let down.

I'm glad you're back home with safer lock and CX tennant gone. May it continue.

I just wanted to say you've been really brave.
Well done for advocating for yourself and not accepting passively.

Victim support are a great charity with crime and violent crime and have some services, counselling etc just wanted to let you know it's an option.

https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/

Home - Victim Support

Victim Support is the independent charity dedicated to supporting victims of crime and traumatic incidents in England and Wales.

https://www.victimsupport.org.uk

kittensinthekitchen · 25/09/2024 12:41

Cazareeto1 · 24/09/2024 19:37

you might want to re read…🙄.. it is still an emergency.. if he was willing to break her door down then he would be very likely to harm her in the future.. or someone else!

Edited
Show quote history

An emergency? Yes, I think that's why the OP said "Before I did, I obviously called 999."

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 25/09/2024 00:27

thequeenoftarts · 24/09/2024 19:47

Also buy a load of those door wedges, sorry only thinking of them now. Shove a few under your door, and he wont be getting in. A rape alarm, a chair wedged under your door handle, all the above at the same time, but fgs start looking at either getting out of there for your own safety or he goes. Thinking of you, really hope you are ok x

It probably sounds ridiculous but I had never heard of door wedges. I will definitely get those, thank you.

OP posts:
thequeenoftarts · 24/09/2024 19:47

Also buy a load of those door wedges, sorry only thinking of them now. Shove a few under your door, and he wont be getting in. A rape alarm, a chair wedged under your door handle, all the above at the same time, but fgs start looking at either getting out of there for your own safety or he goes. Thinking of you, really hope you are ok x

Cazareeto1 · 24/09/2024 19:37

MarkWithaC · 24/09/2024 18:23

Your mistake was not reading the OP's very first post properly...

Show quote history

you might want to re read…🙄.. it is still an emergency.. if he was willing to break her door down then he would be very likely to harm her in the future.. or someone else!

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