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Original poster

How much money do you give for a wedding gift?

116 replies

geordiegreek · 22/09/2024 17:54

Hi I'm going to a wedding next month, it's a friend of mine, not best friend but a good friend I would say. She's been living with her husband to be for a number of years, already has kids, so I was just going to put some money in the card but I really have no idea how much to put 🙈 Aibu to ask what's the 'done thing'?

It's quite a fancy wedding at a posh kind of hall & im going with my 3 children if that makes any difference.

I do work although don't have loads of money to spare! But don't want to be seen as a cheapskate or anything. Just wondered what others do.

Any advice appreciated. Thank you :)

OP posts:
CarmelaBrunella · 22/09/2024 19:27

MaybeImbad · 22/09/2024 19:25

If that was expected I would have had to decline your invite. I think that’s so sad.

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Me too. Very sad.

CarmelaBrunella · 22/09/2024 19:27

Holliiday · 22/09/2024 19:25

What's crass about people making the effort to be grateful for what has been spent on them and roughly having an idea of covering the cost of it. They are not literally saying oh thanks Pete and Sally you paid 69.95 for my meal so here's 69.95 in your card. "Crass". Honestly this place is absolutely batshit at times.

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No. It's "batshit" to turn a wedding into something so transactional.
You're going as a guest. They're hosting.
That's not "batshit", that's been traditional for hundreds of years.

MaybeImbad · 22/09/2024 19:25

Ginganinja123 · 22/09/2024 19:17

I’m not being offensive but I’m gobsmacked this is the norm in England. We got at least £100 per person and obviously most people came as couples so most couples gave us £200 and close family gave us £500. Wedding was in known v expensive place though.

edited to say we are in Ireland

Edited
Show quote history

If that was expected I would have had to decline your invite. I think that’s so sad.

Holliiday · 22/09/2024 19:25

CarmelaBrunella · 22/09/2024 19:19

No idea. How crass!

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What's crass about people making the effort to be grateful for what has been spent on them and roughly having an idea of covering the cost of it. They are not literally saying oh thanks Pete and Sally you paid 69.95 for my meal so here's 69.95 in your card. "Crass". Honestly this place is absolutely batshit at times.

JustAGalWhoLovesBooks · 22/09/2024 19:24

Never known anyone to give more than £50 and that's standard I'd give for a full wedding invite. Evening invite only, usually a bottle of champagne 🍾

CarmelaBrunella · 22/09/2024 19:24

Kaete · 22/09/2024 19:21

I'd say £50 would be more than enough as a couple, less if going alone.
I would honestly be mortified if people were gifting me £100s at my wedding, it's not an event where you should be expecting to rake it in. If a couple choose to spend lots on meals, venue, etc. that is their choice and guests are not obliged to cover it.

This 💯

MaybeImbad · 22/09/2024 19:24

The only correct answer is what you both a) want to give and b) can afford to give.

It’s nonsense that you need to ‘cover the cost of your meal’. If the couple can’t afford a big wedding, they shouldn’t have one.

To answer your q I’ve previously done £25 as a single person or £50 as a couple (similar area to you). I earn more now and would possibly do £50 as a single and £75 as a couple.

But as I say - it really is whatever you think is appropriate and you can afford, and any one who thinks different is not a very good friend.

Holliiday · 22/09/2024 19:22

Birdingbear · 22/09/2024 18:47

I must have some great friends. One friend gave us 200. Another 300. Another 500.
Most gave us 100.
A few gave us 50 and a few gave us 20.00
Our aunts/grans/siblings gave us between 300 and 500 from each of them.

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Like I say, must be regional.

Kaete · 22/09/2024 19:21

I'd say £50 would be more than enough as a couple, less if going alone.
I would honestly be mortified if people were gifting me £100s at my wedding, it's not an event where you should be expecting to rake it in. If a couple choose to spend lots on meals, venue, etc. that is their choice and guests are not obliged to cover it.

CarmelaBrunella · 22/09/2024 19:19

PinkyFlamingo · 22/09/2024 19:14

Why do so many people believe you need to cover the cost of the meal?

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No idea. How crass!

Ginganinja123 · 22/09/2024 19:17

AzureSheep · 22/09/2024 18:41

I’m GOBSMACKED at people saying £100!

Id say £20-50 depending on your circumstances, especially if you’re forking out for hotel, transport, outfits for you and 3 kids.

If they have a gift list, I’d be more inclined to get something from that if it’s not crazy expensive.

I’m not being offensive but I’m gobsmacked this is the norm in England. We got at least £100 per person and obviously most people came as couples so most couples gave us £200 and close family gave us £500. Wedding was in known v expensive place though.

edited to say we are in Ireland

BurbageBrook · 22/09/2024 19:14

Or yes just give a gift!

PinkyFlamingo · 22/09/2024 19:14

geordiegreek · 22/09/2024 19:07

Thank you everyone for your perspectives. My sister who is a lot wealthier than me said she usually gives £50. But I didn't think that sounded enough with how much our food etc will have cost them. I can't really afford £100 just before Christmas 🙈 but thinking I will have to try & find it somewhere x

Why do so many people believe you need to cover the cost of the meal?

BurbageBrook · 22/09/2024 19:13

OP if it's going to be a big financial stretch for you just go with £50, if she's a good friend she won't care.

toomuchfaff · 22/09/2024 19:13

geordiegreek · 22/09/2024 19:07

Thank you everyone for your perspectives. My sister who is a lot wealthier than me said she usually gives £50. But I didn't think that sounded enough with how much our food etc will have cost them. I can't really afford £100 just before Christmas 🙈 but thinking I will have to try & find it somewhere x

Someone suggested a personalised gift, more thoughtful and probably cheaper, some IKEA champagne flutes (£6), personalised etsy stickers £1 each, a nice bottle Tesco Asti £5, a nice box, some paper and packing and voila... the couple will probably not want you going into stress or debt over their gift, I know I didn't when we got wed.

BurbageBrook · 22/09/2024 19:12

£50 if solo guest £100 if you're in a couple

CarmelaBrunella · 22/09/2024 19:12

geordiegreek · 22/09/2024 19:07

Thank you everyone for your perspectives. My sister who is a lot wealthier than me said she usually gives £50. But I didn't think that sounded enough with how much our food etc will have cost them. I can't really afford £100 just before Christmas 🙈 but thinking I will have to try & find it somewhere x

It's not relevant how much it cost them. If people can't afford a big do, should friends give them less?
I think £50 is ample.

Thulpelly · 22/09/2024 19:08

Generally, £50 per adult person.
So, if my husband and I were going together then £100.

The most i’ve ever given was £250 and a restaurant voucher worth £100, for a wedding where I was the MoH and close friends with the couple.

In your shoes I’d give £100, maybe £150 as you’re going as a family.

Original poster
geordiegreek · 22/09/2024 19:07

Thank you everyone for your perspectives. My sister who is a lot wealthier than me said she usually gives £50. But I didn't think that sounded enough with how much our food etc will have cost them. I can't really afford £100 just before Christmas 🙈 but thinking I will have to try & find it somewhere x

OP posts:
Original poster
geordiegreek · 22/09/2024 19:02

toomuchfaff · 22/09/2024 18:18

£50-£100 depending on your own circumstances, also are you getting a hotel or anything? If not then probably £100

It's about 30 minutes away so we're not having to get a hotel. Only expenses will be transport there & then outfits for us all.

OP posts:
Original poster
geordiegreek · 22/09/2024 19:00

nirishism · 22/09/2024 18:46

It depends what country you are in! The ‘norm’ varies hugely. English cash gifts seem to be much lower than Irish, for example.

But seriously - you never need to give more than you can afford. Personally if I could not afford the cash ‘norm’ I’d probably opt for something smaller but thoughtful - a bottle of champagne, a framed print, a lovely tea or coffee pot, candle sticks and some fancy twisty dinner candles…maybe with an old copy of Jilly Cooper’s ‘How to Stay Married’ if that would chime with their humour.

Thank you some good ideas here Smile I'm in England, north east.

OP posts:
pilates · 22/09/2024 18:48

£100

Birdingbear · 22/09/2024 18:47

Holliiday · 22/09/2024 18:32

I think its regional. Never in my life heard of anyone putting £250 in a card for a friend's wedding, only close close family. But I think its common on MN.

I must have some great friends. One friend gave us 200. Another 300. Another 500.
Most gave us 100.
A few gave us 50 and a few gave us 20.00
Our aunts/grans/siblings gave us between 300 and 500 from each of them.

nirishism · 22/09/2024 18:46

It depends what country you are in! The ‘norm’ varies hugely. English cash gifts seem to be much lower than Irish, for example.

But seriously - you never need to give more than you can afford. Personally if I could not afford the cash ‘norm’ I’d probably opt for something smaller but thoughtful - a bottle of champagne, a framed print, a lovely tea or coffee pot, candle sticks and some fancy twisty dinner candles…maybe with an old copy of Jilly Cooper’s ‘How to Stay Married’ if that would chime with their humour.

CarmelaBrunella · 22/09/2024 18:46

mushypaperstraws · 22/09/2024 18:37

I try give enough to cover our meals, so they're not too out of pocket for inviting me

Of course they're out of pocket. They're hosting a wedding. They send you an invitation, not an invoice.