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Original poster

How much money do you give for a wedding gift?

116 replies

geordiegreek · 22/09/2024 17:54

Hi I'm going to a wedding next month, it's a friend of mine, not best friend but a good friend I would say. She's been living with her husband to be for a number of years, already has kids, so I was just going to put some money in the card but I really have no idea how much to put 🙈 Aibu to ask what's the 'done thing'?

It's quite a fancy wedding at a posh kind of hall & im going with my 3 children if that makes any difference.

I do work although don't have loads of money to spare! But don't want to be seen as a cheapskate or anything. Just wondered what others do.

Any advice appreciated. Thank you :)

OP posts:
Holliiday · 22/09/2024 20:03

CarmelaBrunella · 22/09/2024 20:00

Yes. My opinion. It's crass to "pay for your plate". You disagree. Fine. Your opinion, I don't think that's a problem.

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I'm just not quite sure you understand what crass means. But anyways.

Royalshyness · 22/09/2024 20:01

I would give 150 (in uk) as I give 200 euro here

Pennyswimsplash · 22/09/2024 20:00

£200 from the two of us.

CarmelaBrunella · 22/09/2024 20:00

Holliiday · 22/09/2024 19:58

No you're literally the only one who called it crass.

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Yes. My opinion. It's crass to "pay for your plate". You disagree. Fine. Your opinion, I don't think that's a problem.

Holliiday · 22/09/2024 19:58

CarmelaBrunella · 22/09/2024 19:52

Many on here do.

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No you're literally the only one who called it crass.

Biggirlnow · 22/09/2024 19:58

Depends on whether I go alone or with spouse, how hard it is to reach the venue (ie is it local? In Mauritius?!), what I can afford, and closeness of relationship.

Probably averages between £30-£100 depending on the above.

Only two people at my wedding gave me over £100 and one was my Mum. I was amazed at the other person's generosity. Most gave around £50 per couple. This was five years ago.

Circlingthesun · 22/09/2024 19:55

£20-50 or whatever you can afford.

I invited the people who I wanted to be there for my wedding and I expected nothing back in return. My choice of venue, not theirs, and no need for them to 'cover their plates' or expensive gifts or give anything at all.

Yes I had a gift list, but only given to those who asked, wasn't included in invitation. Things ranged from £5 upwards.

I expect to be along the few eating it but then I'm fairly low key anyway.

CarmelaBrunella · 22/09/2024 19:54

I think that the wedding list was good in that respect - the couple would suggest items to fit every budget.
You could then buy something they wanted, but what you could afford. That was always the practice. Giving cash is more of a modern thing and obviously leads to awkwardness for some.

CarmelaBrunella · 22/09/2024 19:52

Holliiday · 22/09/2024 19:50

Amazing, no one else does so at least others see sense.

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Many on here do.

Holliiday · 22/09/2024 19:50

CarmelaBrunella · 22/09/2024 19:40

Yes, the comment about the gift being equivalent to the cost of the meal, I find it crass.

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Amazing, no one else does so at least others see sense.

CarmelaBrunella · 22/09/2024 19:41

MaybeImbad · 22/09/2024 19:40

Honestly OP, ignore some of the insane big numbers! If your disposable income (as mine once was after bills etc) is c. £250 a month, I am absolutely not going to give that to a friend for a couple of months and go to food banks just so I can attend their wedding!

Trust me, give what you can give, they will appreciate it x

This.

MaybeImbad · 22/09/2024 19:40

Kaete · 22/09/2024 19:38

As a pp said, it doesn't matter what they paid for the meals, it was their choice and you don't need to cover the cost. As I said before, £50 between all of you, or even a bottle of champagne, is absolutely fine. There is no minimum gift value, they've invited you because they want you there.
I honestly would be embarrassed to receive £100s from one family if I got married, and would worry they felt obliged to cover my venue and meal choices.

100 per cent this!

CarmelaBrunella · 22/09/2024 19:40

Holliiday · 22/09/2024 19:38

But it's not crass is it. That comment was crass.

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Yes, the comment about the gift being equivalent to the cost of the meal, I find it crass.

MaybeImbad · 22/09/2024 19:40

Honestly OP, ignore some of the insane big numbers! If your disposable income (as mine once was after bills etc) is c. £250 a month, I am absolutely not going to give that to a friend for a couple of months and go to food banks just so I can attend their wedding!

Trust me, give what you can give, they will appreciate it x

Holliiday · 22/09/2024 19:38

CarmelaBrunella · 22/09/2024 19:34

You obviously haven't read my posts.
Of course I give a gift at every wedding.
This gift is not dependent on what the couple spend on my meal.
My niece couldn't afford a big wedding. I actually gave her more than when I went to a big wedding.
So. Not about the "cost of the plate". A no strings invitation and a no strings gift.

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But it's not crass is it. That comment was crass.

Kaete · 22/09/2024 19:38

As a pp said, it doesn't matter what they paid for the meals, it was their choice and you don't need to cover the cost. As I said before, £50 between all of you, or even a bottle of champagne, is absolutely fine. There is no minimum gift value, they've invited you because they want you there.
I honestly would be embarrassed to receive £100s from one family if I got married, and would worry they felt obliged to cover my venue and meal choices.

Betterthanitseems · 22/09/2024 19:35

I would go between 300-500 depending on the age of your children. If they are getting adult meals 500 if they are getting like.chiow and nuggets,300

toomuchfaff · 22/09/2024 19:35

geordiegreek · 22/09/2024 19:30

Thank you Smile I don't know why I have got it in my head I have to try and 'cover the cost of my meal'! She's told me it's around £100 per head for the meal, & there's 4 of us going but 3 of us are children maybe they will be cheaper but in any case I think I need to put that to one side, like PP have said they have chosen this venue I suppose.

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if they wanted to avoid the cost of kids, it'd be a child free wedding. Don't stress about what you atte ding is costing the couple, they considered that when choosing who to invite and where to host the wedding.

Deipara · 22/09/2024 19:34

£100

CarmelaBrunella · 22/09/2024 19:34

Holliiday · 22/09/2024 19:31

Do you not give gifts at weddings? How is it transactional by giving a gift that has been traditional for hundreds of years?

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You obviously haven't read my posts.
Of course I give a gift at every wedding.
This gift is not dependent on what the couple spend on my meal.
My niece couldn't afford a big wedding. I actually gave her more than when I went to a big wedding.
So. Not about the "cost of the plate". A no strings invitation and a no strings gift.

Holliiday · 22/09/2024 19:31

CarmelaBrunella · 22/09/2024 19:27

No. It's "batshit" to turn a wedding into something so transactional.
You're going as a guest. They're hosting.
That's not "batshit", that's been traditional for hundreds of years.

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Do you not give gifts at weddings? How is it transactional by giving a gift that has been traditional for hundreds of years?

CarmelaBrunella · 22/09/2024 19:31

MaybeImbad · 22/09/2024 19:24

The only correct answer is what you both a) want to give and b) can afford to give.

It’s nonsense that you need to ‘cover the cost of your meal’. If the couple can’t afford a big wedding, they shouldn’t have one.

To answer your q I’ve previously done £25 as a single person or £50 as a couple (similar area to you). I earn more now and would possibly do £50 as a single and £75 as a couple.

But as I say - it really is whatever you think is appropriate and you can afford, and any one who thinks different is not a very good friend.

Spot on 👍

Original poster
geordiegreek · 22/09/2024 19:30

MaybeImbad · 22/09/2024 19:24

The only correct answer is what you both a) want to give and b) can afford to give.

It’s nonsense that you need to ‘cover the cost of your meal’. If the couple can’t afford a big wedding, they shouldn’t have one.

To answer your q I’ve previously done £25 as a single person or £50 as a couple (similar area to you). I earn more now and would possibly do £50 as a single and £75 as a couple.

But as I say - it really is whatever you think is appropriate and you can afford, and any one who thinks different is not a very good friend.

Thank you Smile I don't know why I have got it in my head I have to try and 'cover the cost of my meal'! She's told me it's around £100 per head for the meal, & there's 4 of us going but 3 of us are children maybe they will be cheaper but in any case I think I need to put that to one side, like PP have said they have chosen this venue I suppose.

OP posts:
FeelinTwentySixPointTwo · 22/09/2024 19:29

£50 or, if you can't stretch to that, then a bottle of champagne.

Teenagerantruns · 22/09/2024 19:29

This year l gave £50 for just me and partner to attend friends wedding, however l gave my niece £100 but her and her husband are in thier 20's and just setting up home