To be annoyed he's taking 7-8 hours to reply now?

I was about to say I'm a teacher and wouldn't have time to reply from 7.30am until about 4.30pm!

I often have to choose between eating and peeing and you're expecting a 10 minute call?!?!??!!

YABU!

What a stupid thing to do. If you feel the need to "surprise" someone like that when they clearly told you they need time to concentrate, you may as well just leave them.
I tell you what his reaction is going to be, he will be acting happy to see you while getting progressively more anxious about his work as the time goes on. My partner would struggle even if I went into "his" room to offer him a cup of tea. I ended up taking myself out of the house on Sunday and returning at 6pm when he was ready to be a human again.

Teachers are known to have a lot of work to do outside the classroom, and September is particularly busy.
If he is seeing you on some weekends (and presumably not working very much on those weekends) he will be catching up on work on the other weekends, so not having much time to spend on the phone.

It may be that his style of communication simply doesn't suit you but it doesn't sound like he's doing anything unreasonable.

I think you should chat to him, lightly, explain carefully how you feel and then note his reaction. If he is calm back with you and explains, whether or not he says he will start to text you more, but actually takes your feelings in to consideration then you can forgive him.

The worst is the one I just dumped. It started with texts falling off a cliff, then physical touch, then saying anything nice to me whatsoever and on and on and each time I tried to bring it up I got attacked and told I was being needy. Or it was all in my head or whatever.

The final straw for me was literally getting jealous over how much attention he was giving to his fucking dog when we would barely even touch me.

They make alllll the effort at the start don’t they?

I do not think this is a LTB case. Personally I'll be wondering why my bf is constantly having me on his mind while he should be concentrating on his work/hobbies/commitments that don't involve me. I do not need that level of contact, however that's my communication style so if my bf is not happy with that, I'll aimed to resolve the issues to OUR satisfaction, not just his. He will also have to let me know first. Again, I'm not a mind reader.

OP please sit down and have a proper chat with him. Good chance to see how he responds to issues like these too. I do believe if resolved, is a good chance to bring the two of you closer.

OP if you’re happy with him, genuinley happy and not settling and everything else is good… what he needs and what you need is just at odds right now. All you need to say is ‘I need…’ x amount of contact or two ten minute conversations a day or some time set aside where we talk and I know u can count on that etc… you’re not accusing him you’re just communicating your needs. I had a partner and we both had driving jobs and we literally talked all day long! I had another partner and we didn’t speak all day at all. It’s whatever you need and what he needs and sorting out a way to make it work for you both. Just say to him …. When xx happens I feel xxx swat. I need you to xxx, be very specific and honest…. Can you do that? That’s what I’d do.

He’s not that into you. It’s up to you if you are willing to put up with coming a very poor second to his job. (I wouldn’t..)

It would be ringing alarm bells for me if a partner suddenly started turning off his phone on weekends with no warning.

Can you maybe "drop by with lunch as a surprise" one time to "support him" when he's like this? It would give you a bit more info to see his reaction.

I'm a teacher. Nobody has so much work they can't reply or look at their phone at the weekend. Also, if he's been teaching for a few years or more, you don't need all weekend to prep lessons unless massively disorganised.

Not that it matters per se, but you did clearly say you lived together and wouldn’t have moved in etc on the other thread.

Going to stay at your partners house for 2 weeks at a time is not living together by any measure.

I live apart from my partner of 3 years. I stayed at his for 6 weeks whilst I waiting for a property purchase to complete. I would not have described that as “moving in together” as it wasn’t permanent.I was staying with him.

There is a lot of truth to this. I was like that as a teacher.

@Celia24

No you clearly said that you had moved in with each other

'We recently moved in together and have been squabbling more when we never did before. It's upsetting and doesn't benefit either of us.'

not ' We live at each others for periods for stretches of time, not all the time as we have our own places.'
and not ' we live 2.5 hours apart currently '

You are being VERY unreasonable

He is WORKING, not out with ladies of the night

Why do you need to talk to him multiple times a day?

Ofcourse contact is going to be lower now he is back at work
That is just logical surely?

I don't think anyone's really unreasonable, I'm a teacher and tbh I've barely contacted anyone in 2 weeks because I'm snowed with work for school. A previous poster mentioned that it is a weird job that sucks all of your time, and they are right.
However, if the level of contact is not right for you, then it's perfectly ok for you to draw that as a boundary line and see if the relationship stands. I think 12 months in is an interesting time in relationships, you've likely dropped a lot of the 'polite pretence' from the first few months so now it's time to see if you really align.

Why not talk to him and say you'd love to have more contact and what would be the best way for him. Maybe a quick phone call before work would work better for example. Seems like he's trying to find a sensible way to clear his enormous workload and any distractions mean he'll end up actually working longer. A quick text can totally take you out of flow and take up to an hour to actually get back into it. There must be a way that works for you both.

If you want a future with him you need to seriously consider how his job is going to affect his life, and therefore your relationship.

Teaching is all consuming, draining and exhausting at certain points in the year and this is one of them. It’s why the holidays exist. It’s just different to other jobs that balance out more evenly across the year. It is not a reflection of how much teachers love and care for their partners, friends and families.

If you want to be with this man long term then you absolutely should let him know that it’s hard on you, but at the same time, recognise that this is when he needs some support too. He won’t be loving this time of year, I promise you.

I am fully in favour of women making sure they they are heard and respected in their relationships and having all their needs met, but asking him for something that he just can’t do, or that is going to be really difficult for him isn’t going to contribute to a happy healthy relationship.

You are being SO unreasonable! Everyone has the right to switch off and focus on whatever they like. Also it sounds like he is replying to you same day, which is not the same as ignoring you.

Until he retired my OH was a University lecturer and at exam marking time he could be marking papers for 12-15 hours all weekend and writing lectures or exam papers in the week at other times, so i would just leave him to it as he needed to concentrate on his work

If he's contacting you after 7-8 hours, then you are getting some contact later in the day. I think it should be expected that this time of year is particularly busy for teachers, and that he'll do more work on weekends he isn't seeing you. After a year, I expect you're getting itchy feet about the commitment generally - either finding a "reason" to break it off, or looking for when you'll both dive into living together. Best to figure out which it is that you want and then have a proper chat about it, rather than getting silly about how long he takes to pick up his phone.

Turning off your phone is standard advice for people who want to concentrate on work during the working day. Eight hours without contact is hardly unusual or unreasonable for competent adults-how do you think couples managed before the invention of mobile phones?

I think it's totally the time of year. He's gone from 6 weeks holiday to quite likely working 18 hours per day. I would suggest that when you do talk next, fun, light relief from a stressful situation is the way to go rather than "we need to talk about why you never text me".

How can anyone teach but be in contact during the day? 7-8 hours is a normal (very short for teaching) working day. Do other professions spend their days on private texts?