To be annoyed he's taking 7-8 hours to reply now?

It’s not good enough OP. Sorry haven’t read through thread but have you discussed how this makes you feel? You’re not expecting anything remotely unreasonable and he’s not prioritising you.
I wouldn’t give him an ultimatum either. If he’s not wasn’t willing to maintain a decent amount of contact now you’ll be forever on the back foot. You need to decide if he’s worth it. Relationships shouldn’t be hard at the beginning, they should be enjoyable. Plenty of time for problems later!

Maybe it didn't occur to him that you'd need to be told that teachers are on holiday and available in August and then back to work and less available in September......

Plus a lot of people have recognised that phones can be a complete time drain so keep them off/out of reach. He won't have access to it during the working day anyway. No-one would think it's reasonable for a teacher to keep checking their phone while working to see if their partner had messaged them and reply if they have, which is what you're expecting him to do.

Could you agree to a couple of phone calls mid week while you're apart? He should be able to carve out 15-30 minutes to chat.

@Celia24

If he's a teacher, of course he's suddenly been mega busy for the past month - school has started again after the Summer break!

I'm a teacher & we're not allowed to have our phones in our classrooms & genuinely don't get time to eat or pee half the time, let alone reply to messages - if you're texting him at 9:30am, he'll be in a lesson!

At the risk of bringing on the teacher bashing comments, most people can't comprehend just how all consuming a job it can be; sometimes leaving little time for anything else.

Honestly, it sounds like he just doesn't use his phone a lot (which I'd see as a good thing), has a busy job which means he has to cram extra work in before he can take a full weekend off to see you, and has a different communication style.

I'd definitely ask if he could text at the end of day or after tea. Some people need to be told you want to hear from them more. It's odd and baffling to me but it's how they are.

If he spent all this Sunday on work so he can visit you, would you trade this no contract Sunday for him doing a bit of work whilst he's with you? I suspect not but you may need to compromise.

For me the alarm bells would be ringing because,

OP says that at weekends when he’s with her he doesn’t look at his phone. And weekends when he’s not with her he doesn’t look at his phone. I’d be wondering who he is with.

It’s perfectly understandable that he doesn’t have time while he’s at work. But teaching really isn’t a 24 hours a day, 7 days a week job. Plus he seems to find the time to communicate when the OP isn’t falling over herself to text him.

A crucial element to make a ldr work is communication.

I'm not a teacher but when I'm busy and stressed I feel that I don't have the headspace even for a simple message or text or phone call. Sometimes I'll manage to read it but not reply, then forget. Sometimes I set myself a reminder to reply the next day, or I will forget again.

I know teachers and they always have time for friends and family. No turning off phones there.

I was a teacher working 60 hour weeks and at weekend as the work doesn’t stop when kids go home. He may not be allowed his phone on at work for safeguarding.

my husband has outside activities he can get on with in term time and then we would hang out in holidays.

decide now if this is the lifestyle for you.

Stop texting him when he's working!! Why can't you text in the evenings when he's finished work? It would drive me mad of my husband was texting me when I'm supposed to be working. I personally think it's fine to text you back in the evening when he's finished.

Surely he's in a classroom? He can't just get his phone out to text his girlfriend several times a day with 30 kids staring at him! Surely he doesn't need to tell you that in the summer he's not in front of a class and in September he is? Even breaks are normally spent throwing down a cup of coffee and dealing with kids/ other teachers coming up to you all the time. Of course his phone is off during the day too! You are being far too needy.

I’m a teacher. I’m not allowed my phone out at school unless I’m alone in my classroom. Over the week I only have three hour long slots (max - often I’ll end up with meetings during that time) where that is the case. I’m also so busy that I see texts, mean to reply to them then get sidetracked. Seems totally normal to me that he texted a lot when he was on summer holidays and is texting less now.

Not the same I know as this is a friend rather than a partner - but I have a close friend who’s a teacher and in “normal” times we usually message each other most days and reply to each other pretty quickly - but I’ve only just had a reply to the message I sent her 3 weeks ago - it’s always like this at this time of year, she just has so much on she’s exhausted even at the weekends.

My DP is a teacher. He never responds to messages during school hours – it would be highly inappropriate for him to be on his phone in class, even to respond quickly to a text. At weekends he also puts his phone on silent when he's working so he can concentrate. It's not like he's not responding at all – he's just got sensible time-management boundaries in place so he can get through the insane workload that teachers have.

I am a teacher. I get him. I don’t touch my phone all day when I’m teaching as I simply don’t have the time. Prep work also takes a lot of time and especially mental space. I don’t check my phone when doing prep work.
my advice is to talk to him, ask what his routine looks like so you know when you can chat (and know when you can’t expect him to reply quickly).

I don’t really have access to my personal phone when at work. My job is intense & this is just how things are. Occasionally I’ve enough time to check my phone at lunch (though I work through breaks - lunch is something eaten over my laptop). DP knows to email me anything pressing as I won’t have phone as I’m not contactable by phone from 7ish until I get in from work. Kids’ school know to phone DP. Working in a school is intense. My DP will confirm that, marrying a teacher is intense also! I’m 20+yrs in. I try to leave my work at work now but most of my 20s (before kids) I was working everyday flat out. My priorities have shifted. I’m still extremely committed but my priority is now to my own kids, not other people’s.

@Celia24 This wouldn't bother me at all. I hate it when people try to chat with me during my working hours. I used to have a boyfriend I adored. He used to ring me at work and I'd practically hang up on him and feel pissed off that he'd interrupted me, even though I thought he was the sexiest most interesting man alive. At work, I like to focus on work and nothing but work. (I also each - but adult ed. It is a very focused job - you do lose yourself in prep.)

But if he doesn't call you sometime in the evening or skips several days, I'd worry. Why not ask him when is a good time to chat on WhatsApp for him?

The trouble is I don't feel the Op would be content with a ' good morning ' text, she wants several full conversations throughout the day.

Is this the first September you've gone out with him? If you're still going out next year it won't be a surprise.

Whoever you go out with, you'll ultimately have to adapt to the rhythms of their work week/year. DP is a teacher and I also found it a bit jarring at first when he went from "acres of free time" to "snowed under forever" but that's because school holidays weren't on my radar then. Now, I look them up in advance and know exactly when he'll be busy or hanging around the house in holiday mode.

I'm not a teacher but my work has clear calendar-based ebbs and flows and he's got used to those too.

No, people don't always have a spare second to message people they care about. And it doesn't matter if it's a Sunday if that's when you have to work.

When I was self-employed, and to an extent this is still the case, my work ebbed and flowed. In the busiest times of year I essentially have to go into a "work cave" for several days (often over the weekend). This isn't just to get the actual work done but to keep my ideas flowing and keep myself in the zone where I actually do good work.

Breaking off to message friends or partners, especially when you haven't finished your work yet, is at best a mental distraction and at worst (if they expect a back-and-forth) a time-suck. It's good practice to switch your phone off completely and disable notifications, as the OP's partner does, and I wish I'd done that more.

When I first met DP I explained that there'd probably be some periods of time where I'd be incommunicado and he had to deal with that. And because he actually respects my work and my career... he did.

The thing is though.. It was Sunday.
He didn’t have to be in the zone for the entire day. He really didn’t have time when he woke up to say good morning? He didn’t stop all day for a drink or lunch? Everyone has a spare second to contact people they are interested in.

This is a different younger generation where we do always have our phones close by. The people so say why do you need to speak throughout the day are obviously from a different generation or get to see their partner daily.

This comes across as needy this would be too much for me if I was single

I would have to explain if I am busy I am busy

My adult children do this. Work phones on during the day, personal phones off. They look at whatsapp etc once a day - usually in the early evening. They learned this at school and university when they were getting literally thousands of notifications a day. I think it is perfectly normal for young adults in busy jobs.

If you see quite a lot of him, why is it important that he answers your messages so promptly?

You know his preference is to switch phone messages off when he isn't using it, some people find it difficult to multitask and/or aren't overly keen on messaging.

He could equally be thinking, why is she messaging me so much when she knows I need to concentrate on what I'm doing for periods of time.

Maybe you just aren't well suited as you have different communication styles.

I think quite a lot of people turn off their phone, or just notifications, when they have work to do. We have a secondary school teacher in our family and she is currently loaded down with lessons prep/marking/ emails. And that's outside her actual working hours. My DS has his notifications off but is available for calls in an emergency.

In fact all the adults in my family do this. I haven't yet got over the idea that I must have my phone at hand at all times in case one of them has an emergency. I was working on it, then my elderly mother became ill....

In short, I don't think he's deliberately ignoring you 💐

I'm a teacher (primary) and am insanely busy just now. I genuinely wouldn't date me! I don't date, actually, because I just can't commit to anything other than my work...which is UTTERLY depressing! It's not him (or you) it's the shit workload that is sucking his soul dry.