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Original poster

He goes away, I can’t

262 replies

Aspire5253 · 22/09/2024 16:28

DH has been away to Europe without me twice this year. Once with a family member and once to stay with friends. When I was younger I used to visit Canada regularly. I know people there but they are not close friends. I considered going again, alone, as a kind of last hurrah, and relive a few old memories. (I’m 61 but fit).DH says No way and half jokingly that if I went he would change the locks. Basically there is no way I can go. We have plenty of money so the only issue is me going without him. Am I wrong to be annoyed at this attitude.

OP posts:
butterpuffed · 22/09/2024 17:39

Why , OP , are you saying 'Basically , there's no way I can go' ? What is stopping you ?

Marine30 · 22/09/2024 17:38

You sound so accepting of this situation 😳Are you also under lock and key with a curfew?
No one should dictate where you can and can’t go. I thought from the headline you were going to be a breast-feeding mother or nursing someone close to you who is dying so you would find it very difficult to go.
Why on earth could you not go?

BlackShuck3 · 22/09/2024 17:36

Am I wrong to be annoyed at this attitude
you are wrong for not laughing in his face & then doing as you please

scotstars · 22/09/2024 17:35

Life is too short do what you like and ignore him! My gran travelled to Canada alone in her late 80s. My elderly dad had always wanted to visit SE Asia but was undecided about wether he would manage and in end he went. I'm so glad he did as it was start of 2020 and the decline in his health over the last few years means he won't travel again

Brefugee · 22/09/2024 17:34

Aspire5253 · 22/09/2024 16:28

DH has been away to Europe without me twice this year. Once with a family member and once to stay with friends. When I was younger I used to visit Canada regularly. I know people there but they are not close friends. I considered going again, alone, as a kind of last hurrah, and relive a few old memories. (I’m 61 but fit).DH says No way and half jokingly that if I went he would change the locks. Basically there is no way I can go. We have plenty of money so the only issue is me going without him. Am I wrong to be annoyed at this attitude.

leave and take half the money with you.

Gawjushun · 22/09/2024 17:34

My guess is that he’s up to something on these trips that he doesn’t want you to get up to.

fetchacloth · 22/09/2024 17:33

I'm wondering why you're still married to him. No way would I stand for that attitude.
In your shoes I would just make the arrangements and tell him when you're going. 😎

Gymmum82 · 22/09/2024 17:33

With that attitude I’d be more determined to go and if I came back to the locks changed I’d call the police who would inform him that he cannot prevent me access to MY HOUSE. Silly little prick. Who does he think he is?
After I got back and put him in his box I’d divorce him and take him for every penny he had. What a twat

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 22/09/2024 17:33

How on earth does he justify that?
He can go away but you can't because... ?

MrsWhattery · 22/09/2024 17:32

Wow OP I thought this was going to be because you have young DC who you don't feel able to leave with him - a situation I have been in. But I'm thinking of my 60s as a time when I'm hoping to do whatever I like and travel the world, if I can afford it. He doesn't get to decide this, you're an adult.

DefinitelyNotMaybe · 22/09/2024 17:30

Fuck. That. Shit. Do women really live like this?!

SoupDragon · 22/09/2024 17:30

DH says No way and half jokingly that if I went he would change the locks.

what do you say back?

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 22/09/2024 17:29

Just book it and go. DH is an arse.

Mirabai · 22/09/2024 17:28

This is unlikely to be his only control mechanism.

RedToothBrush · 22/09/2024 17:25

You are 61, not dead.

You sound like you think your life is over.

Well it is, if you accept that 'you aren't allowed' to go to Europe by yourself.

What does he think will happen? You'll run off with an Italian Stud? Well quite frankly you should.

Bearpawk · 22/09/2024 17:25

You're an adult, you have plenty of money. Of course you can go. Stop pandering to this ridiculous man.

halava · 22/09/2024 17:25

OP, you say you are financially ok, with plenty of money. Do you have equal access to it? Just wondered if that might be what's preventing you going.

halava · 22/09/2024 17:24

I hope OP is busy on Skyscanner and Bookings.com. right this minute.

Runmybathforme · 22/09/2024 17:21

What do you mean “ I can’t “? Of course you can, just go.

greencheetah · 22/09/2024 17:19

Does he think he’s the boss of you?

Just book it and if he kicks off, get legal advice. Please don’t carry on being bullied like this. 💐

Ivehearditbothways · 22/09/2024 17:18

Just go. Seriously, why wouldn’t you? If he ends your marriage because you take a trip then you’re marriage isn’t worth anything. So it isn’t worth saving.

Nanny0gg · 22/09/2024 17:16

Is it joint money? Can he withhold it from you?

What have you said to him when he says No?

CockneyWheezer · 22/09/2024 17:16

It’s really sad that at 61 years of age you have to have your husbands permission to travel alone.

Just book a holiday and tell him if he changes the locks, you’ll see him in the divorce courts.

What a controlling prick!

TomatoSandwiches · 22/09/2024 17:13

Of course you can go, he isn't your keeper op, do you have access to funds? Or is he financially abusive as well?

Rerrin · 22/09/2024 17:10

But why are you asking his permission to go on holiday, OP?