Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He goes away, I can’t

262 replies

Aspire5253 · 22/09/2024 16:28

DH has been away to Europe without me twice this year. Once with a family member and once to stay with friends. When I was younger I used to visit Canada regularly. I know people there but they are not close friends. I considered going again, alone, as a kind of last hurrah, and relive a few old memories. (I’m 61 but fit).DH says No way and half jokingly that if I went he would change the locks. Basically there is no way I can go. We have plenty of money so the only issue is me going without him. Am I wrong to be annoyed at this attitude.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 22/09/2024 19:09

labamba007 · 22/09/2024 19:07

I don't understand posts like this because my first question would be why? What is his justification OP?!

I don't think the OP will be back.

labamba007 · 22/09/2024 19:07

I don't understand posts like this because my first question would be why? What is his justification OP?!

MikeRafone · 22/09/2024 19:04

Idiot stand for that attitude

If you change the locks then I will see you in the divorce courts

You are your own person not his pet ffs

TeenLifeMum · 22/09/2024 19:04

Well, good luck to him finding a woman who’ll tolerate that controlling fuckwittery!

flowertoday · 22/09/2024 19:02

This man you are married to- what are his redeeming features ? Does he control you in other ways ? Do you mind, or perhaps you are used to it..... some of these types are good at that, wearing you down so you think their (batshit) views and ways of behaving are normal/ OK.

Go on holiday. If he changes the locks you can file for divorce. If you have enough money there will be plenty for you to enjoy a stress free life as a single person.

Don't put up with being told where you can go. Life is too short.

Rosscameasdoody · 22/09/2024 19:00

Yes. He’s a dick. But then you know that or you wouldn’t have posted. You don’t need his permission. Tell him the next time he fucks off to Europe without you he needn’t bother coming back.

SeatonCarew · 22/09/2024 18:59

I virtually never swear on here OP, but really...

I am a little older than you, it is usually no age at all. These are supposed to be our best, golden years. What on earth has he done to you, to make you feel like this?

I hope you know that, just because he says stuff, it is not true. 💕

Lupina12 · 22/09/2024 18:58

A 'Last Hurrah' at only 61....?

You've got 30 years of glorious travel ahead of you yet!

Pack a bag! Get gone! Live your gorgeous life!

Maybe try a UK break first - build up to the foreign trip next -

I'm excited for you!

Lifeomars · 22/09/2024 18:53

yet another story about yet another man which makes me rejoice that i am single. Go and have fun, make lots of memories and then when you get back get rid of him and plan your next adventure.

GivingitToGod · 22/09/2024 18:51

Why, just why, do u need his permission to go on holiday???? You have years ahead of u to travel and enjoy yourself. What is the problem ????

babyproblems · 22/09/2024 18:47

This is so strange. Why can’t you go???

TheSilentSister · 22/09/2024 18:36

You're only 61 OP, you hopefully have a good few years left in you so why waste them tolerating his crap attitude.
Book the holiday and while you're away, seriously consider your future with him.
Think of all the things you could do with your new found freedom and I don't mean get another man - be free to chose your own life.

Ra1ndr0psFalling841 · 22/09/2024 18:33

Do you work ?

Do you have access to your own money or to a joint account ?

Do you have a valid passport ?

Look on Skyscanner.com for the cheapest flights

Next time he goes away, why can't you go away at the same time ?

Life is too short to be miserable !

Look at extreme day trips as well, people are flying everywhere !!!

notatinydancer · 22/09/2024 18:26

Fuck, as they say, that.
I'd be booking my plane ticket.

BMW6 · 22/09/2024 18:22

Tell him to go fuck himself!

Who the hell does he think he is? Why is it OK for him to go away without you but not vise versa?

What, in short, THE FUCK??????

OhcantthInkofaname · 22/09/2024 18:19

Yoo-hoo where did you go? We need some answers. If he makes plans to go away again how about you go at the same time.

MouseMama · 22/09/2024 18:18

Just go! If he unlawfully changes the locks to keep you out of your own home then that’s on him and you will have legal recourse. No reason you should be kept captive to do his laundry and housekeeping.
also you are far too young to be talking about a “last hurrah”, life is for living.

duende · 22/09/2024 18:16

Does he think you are his property?
or his child?

His attitude is ridiculous and disgusting.
You are an adult, a free, independent human being. Book all the trips you want, live your life.

Button28384738 · 22/09/2024 18:14

Go and don't look back, cheeky so and so!

UrbanFan · 22/09/2024 18:12

Dust your passport off, book a ticket and go. It's your life. Go travel.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 22/09/2024 18:12

Go on your trip. Have your essentials packed and give to friend/family/put in storage until you return. If the locks have been changed serve him with divorce papers.

whoamI00 · 22/09/2024 18:11

It seems like some context is missing. It depends on when you mentioned the solo trip during the conversation.

Tiswa · 22/09/2024 18:10

I would call his bluff tell him he had no right to change the locks on a joint property and there cannot be one rule for him and one for you and either he stops going away without you or he lets you go or it’s divorce

ShillyShallySherbet · 22/09/2024 18:10

Change the locks before you go away and don’t give him the new key. Obviously make sure he’s out when you go.

lightsandtunnels · 22/09/2024 18:10

Go Go Go!
Hardly a last hurrah OP you're 61 not 81 and you have twenty possible years of travel and fun ahead of you.
I'd tell my DH that as much as love him I'm going to travel and if he wants to come along then that's great but if not, I'm going anyway!
Life is too short OP. Book the flights, enjoy your life.

He won't really change the locks of course, he's just worried that you'll find a handsome Canadian Mountie while you're out there.