He goes away, I can’t

That about covers it.

We can disagree on the definition of wonderful husband. I wouldn’t divorce mine for leaving his socks on the floor but preventing me from taking trips alone to the extent I post about it on a public forum? Yeah, colour me a misandrist.

He’s playing you like a fiddle and you’re happy to accept it. Reevaluate your situation OP.

He doesn't sound amazing; he sounds like a bellend.

@lightsandtunnels
The one action that we know he has done, saying no to ti the op going somewhere when they have the financial means IS controlling!! He is controlling what she does. That IS abusive.
And you can't have been on mn very long, or know many women, or ever been on a Samaritan style help line if you think that simply by saying someone is amazing, they actually are. There are thousands of women who have been so downtrodden and gaslit, that they lose all sense of normality. You see it daily on mn.

Glad to read your update. You absolutely have to go!. Telling someone what they can and can't do then saying its cos you love them is controlling. Please consider how many other aspects of your life he controls. Sometimes in couples it's not one controlling the other but a very co dependent relationship. If that is the case you need to break out of it, do it kindly and reassure him but do it before it gets harder.

@rainsofcastamere 👌

I am truly grateful but a bit alarmed by the number of people telling me to get divorced.

Hahahaha, welcome to mumsnet

Having said that I am also surprised you're having to ask this question and you're 61.

Doesn't miss you that much when he's jetting off on his own holidays! Or worry about you or is concerned for you then! Doesn't give a fuck then!

He's having your pants down and I'm not telling you to divorce him, I'm saying laugh and tell him to get to fuck when he tells you that you can't go!

OP - the messages saying ‘Divorce him’ are from well meaning mumsnetters. They are either in healthy relationships and wouldn’t put up with this shit. Or… they’re are divorced/ single mumsnetters who wouldn’t put up with this shit.
Your husband saying that he would miss you / be hopeless without you- is him being controlling and manipulative.
I’ve got a friend whose husband was like this. He died a few months ago and she finally feels free to do whatever she wants - at the age of 82.
Don’t leave it too late to do what you want to do.

I sincerely hope that you will go to Canada OP, but I honestly don’t think that you will, sadly 🙁 You know in your heart that it shouldn’t be like this.

No I said some of the replies are misandry. Read the replies from pps! He is controlling, abusive etc etc etc. Just man hating. The OP has said he is a wonderful husband it is this trip thing that has caused an issue.

Exactly this.
There is no sense in the original post in the light of the update.

Why did you post then op? If he is so amazing?

I guess if you think this is an amazing man, there's not much anyone can do.

'He will miss you' - so why did he go on his own twice then if he will miss you so much.

'He won't be able to cope without you.' - if a grown adult man seriously cannot cope without his wife, then that it absolutely pathetic and embarrassing. I really hope you don't mean the cooking and chores.

Worry about missing you and not coping without you didn't stop him from going away though did it so sorry but that's bullshit.

He has no legal right to lock you out of your shared marital home.

Tell him to fuck right off.

Why can't you go away with him (IF you would want to? )

But you really need to address his downright controlling and abusive attitude.

If he goes away again I would leave for an airport 10 mins after he leaves the house, arrive home the day before he is due back and put all his stuff in bin bags on the doorstep.

But really OP, are you OK?

Is he controlling and abusive in other areas of your life?

He doesn't sound lovely at all. Everything you say is self-interest on his part, not love and concern for you.

I would suggest you get hold of your passport NOW and hide it really well. He may try to scupper your plans when he realises you’re serious.

If you think that's misandry, I'd hate to see what you think misogyny is.

Her husband says ‘no way’ to her taking a trip alone and that he only half jokingly threatens to ‘change the locks?’

Objecting to that is misandry?

He copes just fine when he goes to Europe without you.

It’s up to you- you have 2 choices.
You can do what your husband says - and never go to Canada. Or you can go. Both are up to you. Not him.

I was gobsmacked to read you are 61. I was assuming you would be mid thirties or forties with children he didn't want to watch solo.

Completely unreasonable for him to kick off at you wanting a solo holiday when he does the same frequently. Book the holiday.

Her husband isn't allowing her to go on holiday when he himself does regularly. I'm not sure how it's misandry to say that is completely unreasonable, controlling and yes, divorce worthy!