He goes away, I can’t

He doesn’t want me to go for various reasons. None of them come from a bad place, except maybe selfishness. but I’m still annoyed. He will miss me, be worried about me, worried he won’t cope without me etc

Him missing you doesn't stop him going away though, does it? Likewise he miraculously manages to cope without you when he goes on his solo trips. And if he worries about you then why is he leaving you at home to go off on his own?

He's not an amazing man. He's a sexist prick who wants you keeping the home fires burning whilst he goes off and does what he wants.

I would be changing theclocks next time he goes away without you. Take half the money in the account and go travelling.

Why should she go to Canada with him? She'd be going to see HER friends.

Ha ha! Why couldn't he cope without you? Does he have disabilities or additional need which means he is unable to feed or care for himself? (NB having a penis is not an additional need)

Why can you not go to Canada together?

If you die before him, how will he cope with life ?

He copes OK on holiday in Europe without you !!!

Are there other signs of coercive control? sounds abusive. My wife is potentially off for a month next year with primary age kids, part work part pleasure. I’ll make it work here.

I’m the same age and my husband is fairly useless on the domestic front (never cooks), but he survives just fine when I go away on my own or with the kids.

However, the main difference between our two husbands is that mine isn’t selfish and always wants the best for me and not himself.

A man who consistently puts his own needs first really isn’t remotely amazing! 🤨

I am not telling you to LTB. I am telling you to plan a solo trip. Solo travel is liberating and so rejuvenating.
Let me guess, he can't switch on the fob when you are away.
Why can't you go when he goes away?

But he wasn’t worried how you would cope without him when he went away twice was he?

Is or because you cook and clean for him?

Read back your own OP:

Basically there is no way I can go.

This is not the doing of an ‘amazing man’.

ping. Got it in one.

Probably doesn't think it exists, or that women should just do as they're told and lump it or it's their fault men aren't happy.

I just find people who can't live without their spouses for a couple of weeks deeply pathetic.

Though of course he can when he is the one going away so that's a flimsy excuse.

Maybe just me but anyone tells me I can't do something is an absolute red rag to a bull. Hi to Canada. Call his bluff.

"He will miss me, be worried about me, worried he won’t cope without me etc"

Does he miss you / is he worried about you when he goes on holiday?
This is just not right op - you are an adult and should be able to choose what you do. Take note of what many people on here have said.
At least try to discuss it properly with him - maybe with counselling if you think the presence of an independent person might help

I don't think you should get divorced, I do think you should go by yourself away for a few days/a week though.
Tough shit if he "doesn't like it."
Seriously, it's ok for him but not you?!.
No.
Go. Enjoy

Talk about denial🙄..."amazing man" who threatens his wife.🙄.
He has you rightly gaslit.

you: DH I am planning a trip to Canada on my own.

him: no way. I'll change the locks if you do that

you: ha ha you weirdo sort yourself out. And if you change the locks I'll break them - it is my house too.

It strikes me you have tolerated a lot of selfish shit in your marriage to think that you going away by yourself has to be justified.

Very astute, the OP's self description is more like someone 15 years older. Last chance indeed 🙄. And the whole now being able to cope without you, he's presumably not a feeble old man if travelling abroad himself still. I'll still have minimum 5 years of work ahead of me in a demanding job at 61 and only from 66 or so will I get to have adventures. I really hope to have a decade or so of that and more if I'm able. And I'm not just talking about travel but new hobbies, romance, dancing and fun. If you feel in early old age yourself OP and want to live a quieter life, that is of course your choice. But don't let your husband create that narrative lest it become a self fulfilling prophecy. I think a lot of men that age become quite selfish and needy, even those who weren't previously so.

You know that’s all bollocks? I’m off to India with a friend next year and leaving my bloke behind who will wave me off with his blessing.

He is an 'amazing' man and husband ... who treats you like a household appliance for his convenience and safety.

I'm sorry, yeh truth sometimes hurts.

If he will miss you - why doesn't he miss you when he goes off on a jolly?

No, he's not "an amazing man" - he wears the mask of 'an amazing man' when he's getting his own way, and when he's not the centre of your Universe and being served as if he's God - he behaves like a prick. And you know that already.

Still selfish. Still controlling. Also manipulative. It's a shame you can't see it, but I guess he's had a long time to train you.

First you said there's no way you can go, given his opposition. Then when people told you his behavior was controlling, you said that he's an amazing man and you'll probably go. Are you being truthful with yourself or are you just trying to dismiss information that made you realize your marriage is not all you thought it was?

Hmm …

I’m older than you are, @Aspire5253. It’s astonishing to me that you described yourself as 61 but fit. Why would you not be fit unless you have some specific illness or condition. Being 61 doesn’t automatically render a person unfit for normal life.

So I suspect this is another thing coming from your husband. Has he made you believe you are too old to manage anything independently of him? As well as making you believe you need his permission to travel. And that he can lock you out of your home.

I’m afraid your second post was deeply unconvincing. And that you won’t listen to any of the sensible advice you’ve received here.

He's not "amazing" OP.

He's a 1st Class Arshole.