He goes away, I can’t

He will miss me, be worried about me, worried he won't cope without me

You do know none of these are valid reasons for you not to go, don't you?

I went through the same thing. DH had previously been to the US on his own, or with a friend.... I even booked the flights! When I asked to go visit a friend of mine in the States, he sulked, complained and cried about being left on his own. I booked it anyway, and had a great time.

I now go every 6 months - it's wonderful 'me time' where I get to go at my pace, and hang out with my friends - although he still sulks and complains. TOUGH!

You go OP by booking it, packing and going. Leave him a note to find after the fact. If he changes the locks but you have joint interest in the house, you call the locksmith to get back in.

B0llocks I pressed the wrong response! This is not right at all. If anything his attitude should make you want to adventure abroad more. Go have fun and do things for you xx

I am curious to know why you've said, 'I'm 6'1 but fit.' This isn't relevant to anything really.
I used to manage a hotel overnight. We used to get these guys coming in for golfing weekends etc. Some were what I can only describe as misogynist filth. They ridiculed all female staff and endlessly complained about their wives. I asked what the opinions were on their wives going away and I remember one saying, quote, 'I didn't marry a selfish lesbian.'
We must all move away from this perception that women should be eternal grateful for being coupled. Any real man who respects his wife and indeed himself would realise that women need time out too. My husband has no quarms about me going away as I don't with him.
If a woman is in a relationship where she is seen as a commodity(not saying this is what's going on here, but you know what I'm saying) then things can't be quite right. I know we are all different, but personally I wouldn't tolerate this.

Think you need to grow a bloody back bone and stop making excuses for him!

He sounds like Alf Garnet
sexist pig

If he is serious about not ‘letting’ you go to Canada (using emotional manipulation to get what he wants) then yes - it is a divorcable offence in my opinion. He should not be able to dictate where you go or what you do as long as it doesn’t have a huge financial impact ie it was going to get you both in debt. Why does he get to go away twice a year and you zero?!

Last hurrah? You are far too young for any last anything! Is he always controlling like that? If so, leave him and your new life is just beginning, you can go on as many trips as you like. What an arse.

My guess would be that he is playing away and the trips are actually with the OW. Since he knows that is why HE goes away without you, he doesn't want you doing the same. You need a clear and direct discussion with him about the double standard and why it exists.

OP, I’m truly sad that you’ve grown to accept this controlling behaviour and still describe your husband as an “amazing man”.
no man who’s amazing would control his wife like this. It’s abusive.

Yes you are wrong to be annoyed….you should be bloody outraged and tell him to piss off.

That’s very controlling. Why does he feel it’s ok to him?

You have one life.we never know how long we are here for.please go and enjoy yourself.xx

Op you are 60. Potentially, you have another 25 to 30 years to live

Some of us in our 60s have parents in their 90s fully looking forward to future adventures …

BTW I go on holidays & trips with my friends with or without my partner.

I have been on holiday on my own

I also go on holiday with my family, with or without my partner

I have always done this

Nobody will stop my freedom !

Op you are 60

Potentially, you have another 25 to 30 years to live

Will you be sitting at 90 thinking to yourself, "I wish that I had travelled to Canada to see my friends, whe I had my health & energy" ???

Book the trip

Which wouldn't be surprising as this will be hard reading and take a while to process.

Indeed …

I doubt the OP will come back.

The truth often hurts and she's hanging on to her denial like grim death

@Aspire5253 Can I ask how he would have responded had you said you would change the locks if he went to Europe? And given the same reasons?

Would he have messaged his friends and said ‘basically there is no way I can go’ ?

OP if you have children, give some thought to the dynamics you and your husband have modelled to your children.

Your husband a manipulative, controlling man who threatens his wife.

You, his wife, who runs around after him and allows him to absolutely control you whilst thinking he is "an amazing man".

In my first year at university I had a very charming boyfriend. I remember once he stroked my arm as he asked me what we were having for supper. I was halfway out of the door on my way to the staircase kitchen - when I realised I’d been had. Turned around and confronted him for his deliberate manipulation of me. Do you know he admitted it quite cheerfully.

I can’t imagine how many years the OP must have spent not realising what her life has become.

Op, if you have fallen for the 'I can't cope without you' line (when it blatantly is a lie since he goes on solo holidays) it raises serious concerns about the dynamics of power in your relationship.

This is clearly emotional manipulation. He knows all he has to do is say a few words to make you feel needed and wanted- and then in return you presumably run around after him catering (probably literally) for his every whim, desperate to please him for more 'praise'.

What happened in your life to make you fall for this?

Words mean nothing, actions are everything.

He doesn’t want me to go for various reasons. None of them come from a bad place, except maybe selfishness. but I’m still annoyed. He will miss me, be worried about me, worried he won’t cope without me etc

Then say you'll go whilst he is away, happily managing without you.