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Original poster

He goes away, I can’t

262 replies

Aspire5253 · 22/09/2024 16:28

DH has been away to Europe without me twice this year. Once with a family member and once to stay with friends. When I was younger I used to visit Canada regularly. I know people there but they are not close friends. I considered going again, alone, as a kind of last hurrah, and relive a few old memories. (I’m 61 but fit).DH says No way and half jokingly that if I went he would change the locks. Basically there is no way I can go. We have plenty of money so the only issue is me going without him. Am I wrong to be annoyed at this attitude.

OP posts:
FormerlySpeckledyHen · 22/09/2024 17:09

The only thing stopping you going is yourself OP. Get booking!

TerfTalking · 22/09/2024 17:09

Book your holiday Shirley Valentine and leave him the film to watch whilst you’re gone. Let him work it out for himself.

Purplecatshopaholic · 22/09/2024 17:05

Eh? Why are you putting up with this? (Hint: don’t).

Autumnismyfavouritetimeofyear · 22/09/2024 17:05

Whats his rationale? Will he discuss it at all? If so, I would listen and refute his points. If not, I would book myself a holiday and text him when I was at the airport!

Bumcake · 22/09/2024 17:04

Why is there ‘no way’ you can go? What would he do?

Do you ever go away together?

BrainWontWorkAnymore · 22/09/2024 17:04

He might be jealous that his were "cheap" trips but yours is a "dear" long distance one?

Chocolateorange22 · 22/09/2024 17:03

Seriously? DH couldn't wait to get rid of me last year for a week. He took a week off and looked after the then 1 & 4 year olds. We've already discussed further solo travel when both the kids are in school and can use holiday clubs.

You are 61 and with no dependants, what is his issue? I would imagine it's a lack of control over you like he probably has to some extent with you at home.

Pixiewombat · 22/09/2024 17:01

I'm on a FB group about slow travel, they're all off for months at a time and are much older than you.

Secure your finances.

Go, enjoy yourself. Deal with the prick when you get back.

Bantai · 22/09/2024 16:54

So you are married to a controlling abusive prick for a long time who travels when he likes but has threatened to change the locks if you leave on a holiday without his permission?

I am around your age.
Do you know what Coercive control is?
Its a crime.
HE is committing a crime by threatening you.
There is no half joking about it.
Contact Women's aid and ask for help getting legal advice.
Time to gather all your financial information and take photos of it.
I think you would be much happier divorced.
I find it very hard to believe this is the only area your husband abuses you in.

BruFord · 22/09/2024 16:47

What’s his problem, OP? Have you asked him exactly why he can travel but you can’t?

re. Changing the locks. If the house is jointly owned, that’s illegal. I’d book your tickets and go!

travellinglighter · 22/09/2024 16:43

Turn it back on him. Next time he wants to go, say exactly what he said to you back at him.

Lentilweaver · 22/09/2024 16:40

I really need more information. Why ?

Pinkissmart · 22/09/2024 16:40

ThorndonCream · 22/09/2024 16:30

I'm curious why you're still married to him.

Me too. Just leave- life is too short to put up with that crap

MrSeptember · 22/09/2024 16:38

What does "half jokingly" mean because you obviously think it's NOT a joke. Why do you think he doesn't want you to go? Is he controlling in other ways?

LostittoBostik · 22/09/2024 16:37

Circumferences · 22/09/2024 16:35

That's so odd.

It's the mentality of a man who's scared of you going away as he'd be left looking after the babies, but I take it you're not surrounded by screaming toddlers or anything?.

Even those men (-no you're not going anywhere because of the kids but I'll go on week long benders leaving you alone with them no problem...) are awful but your husband has no excuse!

What's his problem??

Yes I assumed it would be exactly this when I opened the post... outright shocking to hear it from someone 20 years down the line

Holliiday · 22/09/2024 16:37

Let him change the locks the silly little prick.

LostittoBostik · 22/09/2024 16:36

Of course it's not ok.

Please just book it and go. You are an adult. You do not need his permission.

Call his bluff.

Cherrysoup · 22/09/2024 16:36

Why on earth would you allow this? Presumably you’ve told him you can do just as he does and go where you want/do whatever you like, just like he does? What sexist shite am I reading? Are you tolerating this crap, OP?!

Hatty65 · 22/09/2024 16:36

He says half jokingly he'd change the locks?

I'd give him a pitying look and say, 'Don't be so utterly ridiculous. That's illegal and you would find yourself in a great deal of trouble. If I choose to go on holiday I shall do - in the same way that you have done. If you are hinting that this means you want a divorce I'm happy to discuss this with a solicitor. Are you really wanting to divide the assets 50/50 because that's what will happen?'

BananaGrapeMelon · 22/09/2024 16:36

Of course you should go OP.

jeaux90 · 22/09/2024 16:36

Who made him your boss?

ginasevern · 22/09/2024 16:35

So many questions. Why is he so against you going away ("would change the locks"). Why on earth can't you have a holiday together? Is this a second or long time marriage? Do you have access to your own money? More context is needed.

Circumferences · 22/09/2024 16:35

That's so odd.

It's the mentality of a man who's scared of you going away as he'd be left looking after the babies, but I take it you're not surrounded by screaming toddlers or anything?.

Even those men (-no you're not going anywhere because of the kids but I'll go on week long benders leaving you alone with them no problem...) are awful but your husband has no excuse!

What's his problem??

ScribblingPixie · 22/09/2024 16:35

A last hurrah at 61? Bloody hell, you're not old, OP. Make hundreds of plans and live them - with or without your strange-sounding DH.

Undercoverstory · 22/09/2024 16:34

Call his bluff. Go, and have a divorce lawyer lined up for when you get back.