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Original poster

I just hid from a kid and her grandma, but I think they saw me

33 replies

Ohleavemealone · 22/09/2024 15:17

At the back of our house, across the road is the grandma of a girl from my DD’s (6) school.
She comes to stay with her grandma midweek and Sundays. My Dd generally ends up upset after playing with her as this girl can say mean things and is quite bratty.
Dd still wants to play with her as she’s just very sociable, but if she goes round, her grandma often keeps her there for ages-eg when I WhatsApp or go round to get her, she’ll say ‘Oh but they just started playing such and such’ or ‘She can join us for lunch/dinmer, is that ok?’ She often gets my Dd gifts too. I appreciate it all and it’s kind, but also a bit much? Dd also has a pal two doors down who nips in and out and she goes there, mum very chilled, she gets on brilliantly with this boy etc and I much prefer this situation.
We often have this girl over for hours on a Sunday and there’s often rows and Dd getting upset. The last time she went over, this girl had been mean to her and she was so upset that night, I vowed to back away from it all.
So today, Dh has taken her out to meet friends at the playground, I’m trying to enjoy a rare afternoon to myself when I hear her shouting over the back fence, so I closed the patio. Next thing they’re driving to the front of the house, my dog started barking, I peeked around the curtain to see who it was and it’s them shouting out of the car for her 😫 I’m in my pjs, so I just backed away hoping they hadn’t seen me and they go to the end of the road, turn around and stop outside again calling out her name,
I know I should have got dressed and gone out to tell them she’s out, but it likely would have involved the grandma making arrangements to drop her granddaughter to us later and I just can’t be doing with it, I also find the grandma buying presents and dropping off happy meals and so on, quite odd? Is it, or am I just miserable?
When the kids come to play here, I provide snacks and drinks and sometimes offer bbq or dinner if they’re here at that time, but I don’t buy presents or go to get them drive thru Mcds, when the child isn’t even with us.
This girl is quite spoiled and mean and will say she’s more beautiful than Dd or has better toys etc, Dd hasn’t encountered that kind of talk yet and has no issues with her other friends, so she gets quite angry/upset by it,
Sorry, long post! The main point of my post was-I think they saw me peek out, what would you do?? Should I send a message saying, sorry Dd is out with her dad and I’m sick so couldn’t come out?

OP posts:
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1033NWCAL069 · 23/09/2024 10:04

I don't think their behaviour is "weird" at all. The other kid probably has trouble making/ keeping friends because of the type of poor behaviour you've described, so the grandmother is pushing a friendship with your daughter. I agree with pp, you need to model to your dd how to deal with this by being assertive with the gm.

Bantai · 23/09/2024 07:41

OP, do you want your daughter to be a target of bullying in school?
To be accepting unkind behaviour from classmates?
Because you are well on your way and believe me it is a horrible situation for child and parents to try and navigate.

With so many schools ignoring it, the fact that with girls it can be sly and exclusionary, it can wreck havoc on a childs school experience.

Here you are setting her up for it by tolerating this and modelling such poor boundaries.

I mean this kindly.
Talk to your child clearly.
Address the other childs behaviour being wrong, not acceptable, and we don't tolerate it.
Advocate for her by saying no to the grandmother and child and not hiding behind a curtain.
How on earth do you think your child can be expected to navigate this stuff in school with what she has been taught at home?

GreyCarpet · 23/09/2024 07:30

Ohleavemealone · 22/09/2024 23:19

@Rerrin I don’t think I have. Initially it was great for her to have another playmate close by…now it’s getting weird. She has another friend on the street and zero issues

You've contributed it in that you've allowed it to happen.

You didn't midn them playing together but you haven't put a stop to any of the excesses.

That's OK because their behaviour is unusual and overstep massively and it can be hard to know how to tell people they're behaving inappropriately because, wel, most people behave appropriately and we just assume everyone will know without being told!

When the grandmother says ‘Oh, she can join us for dinner, say ‘No, we have plans’. When they call by, say ‘Not today, we have plans’.

This. You need to say no. The fact that you haven't is what has allowed them to continually push your boundaries. Because they don't know where they are.

it's not rude to say no. Or to not answer your door when someone is yelling your name from their car!

TheOccupier · 23/09/2024 07:20

You really need to be more direct and assertive here. This would also be a good example for your DD who needs to learn to stand up for herself/not play with "friends" who aren't kind. Maybe also organise some Sunday playdates/outings if that's when this is happening.

Rerrin · 22/09/2024 23:48

Your child is often upset after playing with the other child, they keep your daughter too long and call for her too often, feed her junk, give her presents, and there’s generally way too much contact — yet you’ve allowed the situation to continue.

When the grandmother says ‘Oh, she can join us for dinner, say ‘No, we have plans’. When they call by, say ‘Not today, we have plans’.

Now you’re only freaking out because you suspect they saw you hiding from them! But you’ve let this situation go on — the grandmother possibly thinks you’re delighted with the free child are because you’ve never said otherwise! Either tell her your daughter is frequently upset after playing with her granddaughter and you’re limiting contact, or just be less available.

Original poster
Ohleavemealone · 22/09/2024 23:19

@Rerrin I don’t think I have. Initially it was great for her to have another playmate close by…now it’s getting weird. She has another friend on the street and zero issues

OP posts:
Rerrin · 22/09/2024 23:03

Ohleavemealone · 22/09/2024 19:19

Thanks all, so grandma sent a WhatsApp saying they came round before 🙄
I said that Dh had taken Dd out to her friends because I’m ill so couldn’t get to the door-I had to say it really
She responded with loads of voice notes from the Gd that don’t make sense, I’ve not bothered to let Dd listen today, otherwise she’ll be wanting to call to her over the fence. I still don’t get what the point of driving two seconds round the block to call to her was? I’m assuming to drop her Gd at ours?? What a cheek

No, OP. You’ve created this situation too. Grow a backbone.

WiddlinDiddlin · 22/09/2024 23:01

Much easier for GM to have your DD there, entertaining her GD. I bet if your DD is not there, the GD is an absolute pain in the backside.

And yes, the presents are so its really hard for you to say no, and so your DD keeps wanting to come back even though the GD is horrible to her some of the time.

Woman up - say no. 'No, she can't come over, DD is really upset when she comes home from yours so she'll be taking a break for a while', and 'No DD has other plans today/tomorrow/the rest of her fucking life'.

What sort of rude, ignorant scum think its ok to buzz past your house letting the kid yell your DD's name out the car window? Utter scruffers!

And what responsible adult asks a CHILD if they want a Happy Meal before they consider asking the parents?! Ugh!

Original poster
Ohleavemealone · 22/09/2024 20:56

It might be as entertainment for their Gd, but she has her over Sunday afternoon and Wednesday after school for a few hours, hardly a lot of time to be with her, herself.
It might get easier when it starts to go darker earlier, it’s awful though as no escape. I’ve started making sure we’re out for the afternoon on a Sunday, sometimes I just want to chill in my house though, it’s too much now. I’ll have to start saying no, even if we’re in a few times and hopefully it will sink in

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohleavemealone · 22/09/2024 20:53

@mummytrex Yes I think you’re right

OP posts:
MyLovelyLily · 22/09/2024 20:36

mummytrex · 22/09/2024 20:18

They know GD is a brat and/or being nasty. The presents are to smooth things over and make it difficult to say no.

Absolutely! Spot on!

Beautiful3 · 22/09/2024 20:29

mummytrex · 22/09/2024 20:18

They know GD is a brat and/or being nasty. The presents are to smooth things over and make it difficult to say no.

Absolutely this 👆

llamali · 22/09/2024 20:28

I'd leave it. If they ask say you had no pants on so couldn't come to the door

Beautiful3 · 22/09/2024 20:27

They find it easier for their gd to have someone to play with, otherwise she'll have to play with her, herself! Just explain that they haven't been getting along lately, so they're having a break from each other.

mummytrex · 22/09/2024 20:18

They know GD is a brat and/or being nasty. The presents are to smooth things over and make it difficult to say no.

BarbaraHoward · 22/09/2024 20:06

Presumably the granddaughter is easier to entertain with a friend there. That's not your problem though.

Original poster
Ohleavemealone · 22/09/2024 20:04

Also, the other week the Gd came to us for a couple of hours in the morning, the grandma then invited Dd to hers. I texted a couple of times, the grandma asked if she could stay for lunch, I said yes abd thank you. Twice I messaged that I’d come to get her and she’d say ‘Oh they haven’t been for a swim yet’ with a sad face or ‘Oh they’re playing nicely’ with a photo of them playing.
I appreciate the break and with Dd being an only child, I was grateful the grandma lived nearby…at first, now it just feels a bit weird?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohleavemealone · 22/09/2024 19:58

What I find quite weird is the happy meal thing,
A few weeks ago, we were inside and the Gd called over the fence to my Dd. She ran out to chat to her in the garden over the fence (all our patios open etc, can’t help but hear her)
Dd ran back in and said the Gd was calling her because they were going to Mcds drive thru and did she want a happy meal. Dd was really excited and it put me in the situation of looking like I’d spoiled the fun. I’m not that fussed about McDonald’s occasionally, so said yes, but it’s not really the point, it’s not as though they were both at their house and asked if she wanted one.
The other week they drove to the front of the house again and this time had a present of a purse and a necklace for Dd, Gd then ran in to play most of the day. I mean, it was a sweet gift but it seems a lot

OP posts:
Bantai · 22/09/2024 19:35

You need to speak firmly to your daughter about this child not being nice and you do not want her coming in and you don't want to hear any more about her.
She needs to learn to accept what you say.
No asking for her to come into your house, in front of her.
Tell the grandmother the girls are not getting on, your daughter was upset and they need space until further notice.
Ignore any futher texts completely.
Pushy, rude, entitled people.
Be firm with all of them.

BarbaraHoward · 22/09/2024 19:25

Message the gran back with the old "the girls don't seem to be getting along at the minute" type message so you think it's best you give them some space. She's clearly not going to take the hint.

Honestly I wouldn't worry about offending them, they might feck off then!

Original poster
Ohleavemealone · 22/09/2024 19:19

Thanks all, so grandma sent a WhatsApp saying they came round before 🙄
I said that Dh had taken Dd out to her friends because I’m ill so couldn’t get to the door-I had to say it really
She responded with loads of voice notes from the Gd that don’t make sense, I’ve not bothered to let Dd listen today, otherwise she’ll be wanting to call to her over the fence. I still don’t get what the point of driving two seconds round the block to call to her was? I’m assuming to drop her Gd at ours?? What a cheek

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohleavemealone · 22/09/2024 19:17

@diddl 😂

OP posts:
diddl · 22/09/2024 16:08

Sounds as if you need to stop your daughter seeing her for a while-including running out to the car!

I originally read the title that you had hidden a kid from her Grandma!

They didn't come to the door-no need to go chasing out after them.

outdamnedspots · 22/09/2024 16:08

Ohleavemealone · 22/09/2024 15:47

The girl was leaning out of the car window, shouting DD’s name, it is rude.
She did this a couple of weeks ago, with a present for Dd, not her birthday or anything. Of course Dd goes running out and begs for her to come and play, which puts me in an awkward situation and then the girl stayed for hours. She does invite her back and I can never get Dd home, I need to be firmer now with saying no to staying for lunch/dinner etc, didn’t want to be rude at first, but now it’s annoying me!

You need to woman up! They sound weird and rude.

Don't say anything about hiding from them.

Just put boundaries in place from now on.

Terrribletwos · 22/09/2024 16:01

Ohleavemealone · 22/09/2024 15:47

The girl was leaning out of the car window, shouting DD’s name, it is rude.
She did this a couple of weeks ago, with a present for Dd, not her birthday or anything. Of course Dd goes running out and begs for her to come and play, which puts me in an awkward situation and then the girl stayed for hours. She does invite her back and I can never get Dd home, I need to be firmer now with saying no to staying for lunch/dinner etc, didn’t want to be rude at first, but now it’s annoying me!

I think they are trying to buy you favours with thier "presents". I would be very wary of this.

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