Why do so many women blame peri menopausal for their moods?

I agree with you, OP. Never bought in to the 'baby brain' thing either or used it as a reason / excuse for anything.

It's become trendy/fashionable. Mostly, it's nonsense, because it's perfectly normal to have bad moods now and again.

Peri Menopause would make a great name for a middle-aged drag queen.

I don't know about moods (mine went easily), but I am often flummoxed by the amount of women on MN who blame meno for their body weight.
In some, rare cases, perhaps - but not generally.

Even medical research has concluded that whilst weight gain may grow in different areas (belly instead of hips) it has nothing whatsoever to do with what you weigh. Unless you have medical issues or a metabolic problem, there is no reason peri or meno ought to make you fatter.
Middle age invariably correlates to less activity on the whole, from dependence on cars, seated jobs and WFH. A few hours at the gym won't shave off the extra cheese brick

I personally don't know anyone who gained weight at meno, unless they decreased activity and ate more.
The metabolism might slow somewhat but not to the extent that one has to live on 600 cals per day. This is extraordinarily dangerous advice, and I see it a lot on here.

I eat as I have always done, and only get a belly when I increase drinking wine. I am no more active then 20 yrs ago.
I do think meno is used as an excuse, tbh.
Some people's bodies alter after having children, but that is a completely different issue.

I am amazed by how many threads in S&B and Weight loss Chat focus on not being able to eat much now meno has arrived. People are taking this as factual and blaming it for weight gain. Not a healthy approach, really.

And to bust a myth - no, we don't all have to diet and exercise like crazy after meno to keep to a healthy weight.

It might be natural but that doesn't mean it isn't horrible and doesn't affect moods. I had to be signed off work for 2 weeks for the first time in my working life when I started HRT because of the impact on my mental health. Yes I was more irritable than usual but that was because I was highly anxious, miserable and stressed. Perimenopause is debilitating for some women, so what if it's natural? So we should never complain? Check your internalised misogyny.

Right. But that's your whole point isn't it. It's due to peri.

Would you prefer women to say 'due to declining oestrogen levels I'm feeling irrationally angry over things that didn't bother me before" then? Bit of a ring to it.

@AllProperTeaIsTheft

Maybe because what you're saying doesn't make any sense. Hormones are capable of having very real, very powerful effects on all kinds of things in the body and and brain, including mood. It's no more wrong for a woman to recognise and acknowledge that perimenopause is affecting her state of mind than it is to recognise that, for example, teenage boys' behaviour can be affected by hormonal changes during puberty

I think both can be true though?

Peri undoubtedly can make people anxious, short-tempered, moody and intolerant. Thats unequivocally true.

But it is also true that “hormones” is an established get-out-of-jail-free for women who have been brought up to believe it’s unseemly or unfemine to tell people in direct language that they are pissed off.

As a recovering people pleaser I have done this many many times. My ex husband would typically respond to any criticism or anger from me by saying: “Are you on your period?”

It’s a time honoured way to shut down valid criticism from women and sadly we are shockingly complicit.

I agree to a certain extent. Earlier in our marriage DH used to suggest that maybe I was annoyed/angry because "it was that time of the month". He wasn't acutely aware of my cycle but it was a convenient get-out clause rather than consider that I might have been justified by being annoyed/pissed off. Using "women's hormones" excused him from looking at the way he behaved , and whether I had good reason to be annoyed!!

But I can accept that peri/menopause can affect your mood. I am 46 so I imagine peri menopausal, so far I haven't found it awful but maybe I'm really grumpy without knowing it, or maybe I haven't properly experienced the symptoms so far.... (I'm not looking forward to it!)

So you know more than doctors and the experts that have studied perimenopause and worked with women who are suffering? Or do you think these medical experts are lying.
I nearly killer myself when peri hit. I guess you’re going to dismiss that too.
The one thing you're right about is that some people are twats. I can’t call you that on here because it will get deleted but If the cap fits …

Yep, agree.

Maybe because what you're saying doesn't make any sense. Hormones are capable of having very real, very powerful effects on all kinds of things in the body and and brain, including mood. It's no more wrong for a woman to recognise and acknowledge that perimenopause is affecting her state of mind than it is to recognise that, for example, teenage boys' behaviour can be affected by hormonal changes during puberty.

Just because something is 'natural', that doesn't mean it has no effect on you. Childbirth is natural too, and it fucking hurts and can cause all kinds of physical problems. Sounds like you've got a heavy dose of internalised misogyny going On there, OP.

Hormone fluctuations can cause mood changes that you would not typically experience, it is a natural stage in life but it can and does come with symptoms, some people experience this in varying degrees.

Not sure what the point is tbh?

@ComtesseDeSpair is right. (As usual).

Peri does absolutely impact mood and it can be quite severe.

I think that quite often though it’s easier for women to use “hormones” as an excuse to speak their mind in certain situations when they have been socialised to be very accommodating and tolerant. See also PMT and pregnancy.

As a younger woman I very often let someone have both barrels from me if they pissed me off only to cringe back to them saying “sorry it’s my hormones” because I felt I had overstepped the Be Nice barrier.

Nowadays I don’t really care about keeping the peace and I know myself well enough to know my boundaries have been crossed. So if someone pisses me off I will own it rather than saying “sorry I am a hysterical woman who has no agency because I am a slave to my menstrual cycle.”

90% of what’s described as “hormonal” behaviour imho is women lacking the confidence to tell people to take a hike and thus channelling their righteous anger into tears, sulking and other less direct forms of communication.

I don't think I've seen people use it as an excuse often, rather more as an explanation for it. A lot of women don't expect it to be as bad as it is, my poor mam turned into a demon and really struggled with it.

Perhaps some women didn’t get angry/annoyed/irritated before entering peri and then do, so it’s a logical conclusion to make. It’s similar to someone who is pregnant blaming their constant sickness on pregnancy, because they didn’t have it before and then they do.

Some people can only relate to their experience of something so if you were the type of person to get easily irritated before going through peri, then it’s unlikely peri will be the cause. However, being angry/annoyed/irritated are known symptoms of peri (just like vomiting is of pregnancy, although many women never experience it). Just because you didn’t experience it, doesn’t change the facts.

Without oestrogen, the scales fall from your eyes and you have a new, somewhat disconcerting, perspective on life. This takes some adjusting to and reacting with anger, depression, irritability etc. are to be expected.

Exactly this.

I'm 43 and have suffered from the throes of perimenopause for the past 4 years now. I'm in extreme pain from my period today, regularly have horrible pain over my body (gums are incredibly painful from gingivitis, joints, hurt, migraines etc) because of my fluctuating horrible hormones and have all those on top of my neurological involuntary movement disorder that was caused by an injury from an off label antipsychotic after a head injury.

I think I'm kind of allowed to be pissed off, grumpy, and short with people occasionally. I don't want to be horrible or bad towards them, just angry at my ageing body trying to cope with so much shite 😫

I think because it feels like it isn't me when I did feel complete rage, I have never felt that angry even when my Mum died and I was incredibly angry them. But the rage was a whole other level of angry over buying a car, something I have done a lot of. It would usually have resulted in me feeling a little bit of frustration but I wanted to tear the garage people limb from limb. That is not me. It luckily only happened twice that I felt that way but it was like a personality change, so I do blame peri for that.

I have always been around women who are honest about their feelings toward things so they can be angry without needing to apologise. My friend has been diagnosed with cancer for the third time, she is absolutely raging and makes no apologies for feeling completely pissed off about it.

But what if you are angry due to perimenopause? We should be allowed to say so.

I agree op

Im not peri yet but my days my hormones have been going crazy this weekend, full on sobbing and very irritable….might have started an argument with DH. I know I’m being mostly unreasonable but i feel like I can’t control it at times. Every month my hormones surprise me, I wonder why I’m in a foul mood then my period starts and it all makes sense……I can’t even imagine being peri. I’m already nervous about it!

Also therapy is expensive.