Lost Opportunity for Happiness

I think you should look for your own partner, not attempt to steal another woman's. I don't think you've behaved well at all.

I'd go for therapy to find out why I only felt able to fall for someone I knew was unavailable, and why I preferred to spin myself unlikely stories with no basis in facts (eg that they were not happy together) than to see the world as it is - he told you he had a partner, that he only wanted to be friends.

You have every right to want a marriage and children - it's natural for a lot of us. But craving and fantasising a relationship with someone who is happily partnered is not the solution. Start dating men who are looking for long term relationships. They exist.

You seem completed devoid of any emotional intelligence or self respect?

Are you aware of that?

You deliberately pursued a taken man.

Hoped that fact you didn't have a physical illness would make you a better option than his ill partner.

Continued to chase with limited encouragement.

You really need help if you can't see what's wrong with your behaviour.

Go on YouTube and look up crappy childhood fairy's videos on limerance.

Yes, exactly.

And spelled out he loved his partner.

The friendship is already ruined, it’s too awkward now. There is no way back.

That's not true at all.
He didn't meet up with the OP and he actively discouraged her.

Also of course you can be friends with a married man. But not if one of you fancies the other one

What on earth are you on about. Did you even read the ops posts

But OP, why would an attached man you only connected with again on friendship terms briefly agree to meet you for a weekend break when he has a partner? He’d have to be a shit head. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to end up with a bastard, so why pursue someone you could only obtain by them being a bastard? Do you know what I mean? It’s why acting the best/most moral/most unselfish way, without being a doormat, is always the best route to happiness. Integrity only bites you on the arse very rarely, and when it does, you don’t mind that much because of the comfort of knowing you’ve acted well. I am very sorry to read how you’ve been lonely but shortcuts won’t pay off, and it’s not treating yourself well either to pursue them.

Ah, the excuse that it's a loveless relationship or one of convenience, oldest line in the book. No man ever admits to his other woman that his other relationship is actually great and he'll go home and to bed with her. In reality he wanted his cake and to eat it for a short time. He loves his wife but he's a shit. Think yourself lucky. You deserve someone that can put you first and is honest and someone with integrity.

Op, you have more than done that, you didn’t take the hint the first time, even though he was clear he wasn’t interested it was friendship only and then you pushed it even further hoping you could go away alone with him. To the extent he had to spell it out to you. I just can’t fathom how you can’t see it amd are all caught up in this weird romantic fantasy.

I think it’s limerance, all this because a man was nice to you.

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/basics/limerence

I do have some sympathy for you OP, it’s hard to make good decisions when you are lonely and someone like this comes along. But you will ruin your friendship eventually. It’s inevitable that this will end badly.

It wasn’t a lost opportunity for happiness. It was just you pursuing a man who you knew was in a relationship.

Your opportunities for happiness from a relationship and marriage are out there but you need to be giving yourself a good chance of finding them by being where single men are.

Just hope that if you do get the relationship you hope for, someone like you doesn’t come along and try to fuck it up.

Op,you realise he didn’t go home a day early that first time, he made an excuse to not meet you as he’s realised the strength of your feelings, even though he was very clear to you from the onset he wasn’t interested and it was just friends.

the man will be appalled you are the sort of person who would be hoping he’d cheat on or dump his unwell partner.

and lots of people spend time apart from their partner, doing things they enjoy. It isn’t the sign of a bad relationship, it’s the opposite, it’s the sign of a very healthy one. And I’m sad for you that you don’t know that.

YANBU to want to be in a relationship but it needs to not be someone in a 15 year relationship with someone else.

Your behaviour is worrying OP.

You can't fall in love with someone over a weekend and trying to encourage him to have an affair is so horrible.

You sound really really unhappy. Have you ever had therapy or counselling?

Horribly harsh.

What are you doing to get yourself out there to meet new people? You need to expand your circle.

Maybe there's a local hobby group you could join? Some kind of special interest or sport? Online dating? Volunteering?

Your post reads as ‘tell me you need counselling without actually saying you need counselling.’ I don’t know if you naturally have morals that are substandard than most or you have went through a bad time and come out of it not mentally healthy, but your behaviour has been completely appalling. I think you would be a lot happier and have more likelihood of obtaining what you want out of life if you work through why you were okay with being so self-centred, chasing with intention after an attached man with a sick partner hoping he’d leave her high and dry, and why you misread so much of what was going on to make it fit what you hoped would happen. This man isn’t interested in fucking or loving you, that’s clear even from your biased post.

I don’t say all this to shit on you from a great height, I have done things myself I couldn’t stand by now, we don’t go through life being our best self every single day. But it’s like you can’t see how bad all this is. I really hope something clicks in place so you are happier and don’t stoop this sort of thing again.

What a nasty, vicious post @TylerD

In fact, I've reported it.

I don't feel much sympathy with the op. I think she's built up a fantasy in her head, but your post in another level

Jeez op. How desperate do you have to be to chase a man who is in a relationship hoping he will cheat and dump his unwell partner. To the extent he needs to give you the clear knock back. And the last bit was just to smooth the harshness of the message, he’s not interested.

you need to do something like join on line dating or get out more. I feel embarassed for you that you did this, but also desperately sorry for you. Your behaviour is sad, desperate, inappropriate. You need to go no contact and try to find someone single.