Co parenting with medical decisions

Fair point 😁

I mean, that's one of those situations where it might be best to let him raise it in court and look like an idiot, tbh.

What kind of a neglectful parent is going to object to their child getting treatment for a UTI?! He's a disgrace. Keep his messages as evidence of how unreasonable he is, for when he wants to apply for further custody.

@BookArt It's all about control. If he genuinely cared about your children's medical needs he would attend appointments and not give your little one things they are allergic to.

I'm sure Cafcass will show you are doing the very best for your children's welfare and increasing contact with this man won't be in their interests 💐

Nothing to do with the waste of space ex but the constipation issue use pico sulphate, we were given movicol to start with and it was a never ending nightmare! Pico sulphate changed our lifes for the better.

Surely the answer is 'I'd suggest you get an emergency prohibited steps order from the court. I'll give you a week and if you haven't arranged that I'll go ahead with the vaccination.'

It sounds like the court order means supposed to keep him informed rather than ask his permission - the latter would be completely impractical given that you're the resident parent and dealing with the day-to-day stuff.

I think when you do go back to court, it's worth pointing out that your DD has ongoing health issues and that it isn't practical to discuss every medical decision with him in advance of seeking treatment for her, but that you will continue to keep him informed as to the treatment she's receiving, as you've been doing.

Realistically, if your child's doctor says they need antibiotics or some tests done, they don't typically give a choice of a variety of treatments or tests to do - they recommend the best course of action in their judgement. I can't see what would be different if their dad was at the appointment - is he really going to sit there and object to standard treatments for common conditions?

Unless he has a medical background and genuinely has ground to disagree with the doctors, or has religious reasons for rejecting certain treatments, it sounds like he is merely trying to exercise control over you, OP.

I could understand his wanting to be involved in the decision if you were faced with two competing experimental treatments for a life-threatening illness or something, but the treatments for common health issues aren't so controversial that one would expect a debate in the first place.

Would he suggest you leave DD constipated? What possible reason could he have for objecting to basic medical care?

Best interests of child always.

If something bigger and you’re following the medical advice given, then I doubt you’d have a problem then either.

Choice 1 is totally impractical
By the time I confirmed with ex, I would have lost the chance to get a GP appointment that day and dc would have been in discomfort for extra time.

I told ex after treatment. He trusts me to make the best decision for dc and vice versa. He’s had to take dc to A&E a few times over the years and I fully support his instinct to do take them, get help and let me know later.

He can't dictate that the children do not get medical attention until he deems to have approved it. Do one.

Would he rather you neglected your child's medical needs

When a court talks about medical information they mean let him know minor stuff and involve him in major decisions - they are not envisaging getting permission to see the gp for routine medical care. Remember court orders are including potential for serious medical decisions eg severe epilepsy here and there are options that parents have to consider, antibiotics are different

I hope very much that it would be a very quick and clear-cut decision if it ever comes to that.
Hopefully someone who does 4 hours a week parenting won’t go to the effort of doing so - and will confine himself to sending stupid messages.

I hope your DC improves quickly. We had to deal with constipation with DS2 when he was a toddler. I can’t imagine how much worse that would have been if DH had been obstructive.

If he is objecting to any medical treatment as advised by a doctor, let him take you to court. He wouldn't have a leg to stand on!

You don’t need his permission by the sounds of it, you just need to let him know what’s happening, as per the court order? I would do what you’d usually do (take child to medical appointments, follow instructions on treatment) and then just let him know what’s happened after.

Would I fuck leave my child to suffer while daddy tits about before deciding whether he agrees with the child receiving medical treatment.

This:
Dad is saying that I need to tell him before I make medical decisions for the three kids. makes him sound like he cares less about the health issues of his children and more about himself and making some kind of point to his ex.

@Mrsttcno1 Well, it's hard to say when I don't know what you mean by 'ignorant'. Two people who love their children can still have extremely different views on cancer treatment (which I know from personal experience). It doesn't mean one or both of them are ignorant.

If one person makes a decision just to spite the other adult, not because they believe it's in the best interests of the child, then I suppose the end result would be the medical teams get a court order made for the treatment route they believe to be best. I'm not sure of the law on this, but if both parents have parental responsibility, I suppose court would be the only way to force treatment that one parent was against. It's an extremely difficult situation.

M DD had multiple UTIs and she also had constipation issues. She has kidney reflux and always was on low dose antibiotics as a small child.
She needs meds asap, not after a bullshit father gives you permission!
Keep all of the texts and provide the court system the information

What happens if an ignorant ex disputes the medical advice and tries to hold up cancer treatment or surgery?

Absolutely this. You inform him and follow medical experts’ advice. He does not get to undermine that. Make sure you have all the medical evidence - maybe ask Dr to print out the advice and photograph the drugs with the dosage etc.

I think you've done the right thing in seeking medical advice and, in something so simple (I don't mean to be dismissive, as you are understandably worried about your child, who is clearly unwell), with very few (if any) side effects, it is fine to proceed with the Drs instructions. You kept your ex informed, and he chose to delay replying. If you'd waited until he could be bothered to reply before acting, your child would have gotten worse.

For more serious things, like treatment for a critical illness or an operation etc., then you need to both make the decision together.