If you're someone who is never on time, please can you explain why?

This is what I do. It makes things easier.

I just put it down to someone being too stupid to work out how to be on time and I prefer to only be friends with intelligent people. Therefore, I let friendships lapse with chronically late people.

Oh and i dont let people realise im early. I'll wait in my car, walk in a park nearby, go to a local cafe to wait etc.

I think how you are raised does have an impact. Some parents are relaxed about time, there are no consequences for lateness. So habits form that it doesn't matter much and that its ok to choose to carry on doing something fun even if it means you'll be late, or to avoid doing something less fun & end up late.

By contrast, my parents were almost never late. We were bought watches & taught to use them at age 7. When wer were a bit older, dad would take us to the shops in the car and tell us what time to meet him back. If you were late he'd wouldn't wait, you just missed the lift and had to do the long walk. By contrast if you were early & waiting for him, he'd give you sweets. There were always unpleasant consequences for being late and no one in the wider family (grandparents, aunts etc) tolerated it.

As an adult, I'm never late. I tend to build in masses too much "spare" time so am often early.

Lie about the time you want them there- 45 minutes earlier than you need them etc.

This question yet again. Loads of posters will say your friend is selfish etc but it doesn’t sound like she’s having a good time being late if she’s always flustered.
It’s just a minor flaw in her personality, we all have them, you’re probably doing things you’re friend’s not totally keen on. But as personality flaws go I’d take a late friend over a CF or a friend needlessly strict on time any day.

I did read your full posts and I did quote you correctly, I just omitted parts of your full posts that were irrelevant to my post and didn’t change the context of the quote, as indicated by the ellipsis.

There are numerous strategies you can use to help you instead of bemoaning your lack of internal clock. It’s a choice not to use them, or to have them and not use them properly.

I’m hardly ever on time. I have ADHD and I am so terrified of being late, that I am always ridiculously early. I was recently told that my being early upsets people because they aren’t ready & feel pressured. This is true even of my GP surgery who for some reason don’t like me arriving 45mins or so early and reading a book in the waiting area, or if they aren’t open, sitting outside & reading. It doesn’t matter that I am friendly and calm. It upsets people.

But if I am late, I get turned away and have to rebook things or friends get upset and say where were you, we are now really behind…

I can’t be on time. It’s either really early or really late and it seems I can’t catch a break either way.

For me, it was always about anxiety - I don't get out much and I'm a little agoraphobic as a result, so I need to really really check everything's locked and off and sorted before I go out...

But because it is annoying and disrespectful to others, I have consciously and deliberately built 'panic time' into my life now so I can do all this and still be on time. It also helps the anxiety because I'm not rushing. I don't care about being early and killing time, that's better than arriving all sweat and snotters and everyone annoyed at you.

My brother is also anxious but he hasn't adapted, and he's made people miss planes and trains and outings. But he is an unrepentant dick.

I'm not as bad as your friends but am guilty of often being slightly late.
Mixture of trying to fit too much in, underestimating travel time and hating being early!

Time IS linear.

I think it's more the annoyance of being kept waiting for someone. It's rude and it's boring and a waste of time.

I'm not usually late myself (and not more than 5-10 minutes if I am), but it wouldn't occur to me to accuse people who are selfish. That sounds quite egoistic, in fact, making it about you. Though I suppose there must be some people who are late because they're inconsiderate, it's more often due to other reasons, which, by the way, aren't any of my business. They might have personal, private reasons and it's rude to ask.

The technique I use is instead of sitting there ignoring the fact that time is ticking away, I just get ready way way before I need to because I know I'll still take ages so I've learned to just give myself ages.

Also, if I need to leave at 10am, I rethink that and say I need to leave at 9:30am. I was just so sick of being that person who couldn't arrive on time and knew I was the only one who could fix it. I actually enjoy being more organised and feel like I get my dopamine hit from doing things properly compared to how they were always done.

Yes, wearing a watch would help - keep it on all day. A smart watch even better then you can set reminders and alarms - only take it off at night and put on your nightstand so you always know where it is. There are so many things you can so easily do if you actually want to. This is a choice completely under your control.

It’s also not rocket science how to quote correctly or how to read my full posts.
I said, very clearly, that I obsessively check the time and work out how long I have left. I’m not sure there was much need for the ‘rocket science’ jibe when I’ve clearly said I get really worked up about being late - it’s not a decision I make.

I think I generally have a loose concept of time…
I can guarantee I wouldn’t win the money at the timed prize collection

Your internet ‘concept of time’ can be managed by things like clocks, watches, timers, alarms and a bit of effort. It’s not rocket science. I’m someone with a very poor/non-existant internal clock but I am always slightly early for things as I make an effort and use the technology available to me.

My partner is the same. Even in the middle of the night he’d know the time to a really close accuracy.

Reference the time on phone point, I lose my phone constantly. I probably spend 20-30 minutes a day trying to find it so if anything it probably hinders my timekeeping. I’ve lost my FitBit (obviously!) but when I find it I’m going to try wearing it again to help prompt with time. I’m hoping to try and streamline my life somehow and hope that timekeeping will come easier.

culturallymodified.org/how-different-cultures-understand-time-best-of/

My dh has an amazing sense of time, he could tell you to around 10-15mins what time it is without looking at a clock, but he is always late, because it doesn't bother him if others are late he isn't bothered by how others feel - frustrating as hell, but at least he admits it.

I have no sense of time I could be out by hours. I can check my phone one minute and 2 mins later check again as I have forgot what time it is! I keep checking my phone/clock if I know I need to be somewhere as I care about the people expecting me to be on time, or I tell Alexa to remind me when 10 mins is up so I remember to get ready - whether it is for the free £££s, a Dr/dentist appointment, a meeting at work or meeting a friend they all matter to me.

We are all attached to our phones constantly to see the time, reminders can be set, pre reminders set etc. There are ways to prompt yourself to be there on time if you care to be.

I have actually been late for flights and have missed two (years ago. I wouldn’t now as I understand myself more). I don’t really see why it is so terribly selfish being ten minutes late to meet someone in a cafe when they are sitting in a nice place with a coffee. I can see how it would be 100% selfish to be late for dinner someone was cooking to you, or meeting someone outside somewhere so you can both go in. I got annoyed with a friend for doing this to me repeatedly when we had toddlers. Once she was more than an hour late. That was irritating. However, I have a tendency to chronic lateness myself, so stress myself out enormously to be anywhere by a certain time that cannot be changed or if I am doing one of those two things. So if I have to be somewhere at 4pm I can’t relax all day and have to get ready at 2pm. But meeting someone in a nice cafe when I know they aren’t in a rush? I tell them a loose time or a window, not an exact one knowing that anything could set either of us back 5/10 minutes quite easily and that it’s not the end of the world. I would never be an hour late! Just I possibly wouldn’t be exactly on time - it would ruin my whole day stressing myself out trying to be.

Is it a cultural thing? Outside of US/NW Europe I don’t know anyone who is that literal or linear about time. It can’t be good to get so worked up about it.

I have a friend like this

Drives me insane

She is never late for work

But will never be on time for meet ups /coffee /meals etx

Massive sympathy & patience with my friend who misses everything. No sympathy or patience with the friend who never misses a medical appointment, plane/train, UC review appointment. I stopped waiting for the latter, not even 5 minutes, & strangely enough she stopped being late.

@Terracata and @Holliiday - please could you share your techniques for being on time?

I have ADHD and am chronically late. Yes, even to planes, trains and medical appointments. I loathe myself for being like this.