To think my friend stopped talking to me because I received a settlement from work?

When you say she would take you out to dinner etc...was that always equally reciprocated? Could she feel that she subbed you over the years and now you've not offered to share any of your 'good fortune'?

I think she was used to you being ‘little sis’ now the dynamic changed about going out for meals etc she doesn’t like. Either that she’s miffed you haven’t given her any.

She has stopped speaking to you because you got forty grand and she didn't. I know that sounds insane because you went through a very difficult situation and she didn't but she's just plain jealous of the money you got.

It’s completely the right thing to call out poor employer behaviour. They will hopefully have learned an expensive lesson and treat their employees better in future. Although I have never sought or received compensation, I view others that have as having done a public service.

I knew someone who I considered to be a close friend, but the more stuff she shared with me the more I realised she was lacking empathy and quite an unpleasant person. She was bitter about and jealous of a friend of hers who had managed to buy a house young despite having health difficulties and not working full time. I asked how she managed it and friend casually relayed that her parent died by suicide when she was 13, like it was no big deal. There were other things too, like ranting about people on benefits while she had always worked throughout her own difficulties, seemingly lacking any understanding of how health problems and adversities come in all shapes and sizes and no acknowledgement of the enormous amount of emotional, practical and financial support she received from her parents. It made me wonder what she said about me behind my back.

I think it was this.

I was pushed out of a job (horrible, vindictive behaviour to make my working life difficult to force me to resign) for becoming pregnant 20 years ago. I remember my MiL thought that I should have just resigned because I’d only been there eight months. That was her opinion and she was of course allowed it, but the law said something else.

They offered me six weeks PILON to go away. I threatened tribunal, rang ACAS, and got a better settlement. However I knew that MiL (although we got on well) thought I had milked it.

It is never wrong to call out poor employer behaviour.

It's jealousy. Sometimes as I've found out recently, you never really know anyone.

You've got a will of steel and you fought this alone. And she can't stand it that you succeeded.

You never know what goes on in other people's heads, especially with money. I had a friend I really liked and can barely bring myself to talk to her now. Our kids are friends but her behaviour is so cold and distance and she plays so many games. I can't do it anymore. In your situation it could just be coincidence. Having received a settlement in the past I'm pleased for you, people often don't realise that it's little compensation often to a well paid role that's no viable or career that was going one way and is now another.

Sometimes people get miffed when they see someone looking after their own needs and standing up for themselves, it comes across as a sort of injustice and they feel wounded.
In a sort of - that's not fair look what she got from Mum and Dad, I never got that and I struggle all the time too but I don't complain!

I wonder if she feels like you got more than she thinks you deserve? It sounds as though she felt that 10k was an adequate amount and any more than that was “greedy” in her eyes (even though she has been proved wrong) and she’s annoyed about it.

She’s not your friend.
It seems to me that in a situation where someone receives a windfall - could be an inheritance, a bonus or in your case a much-deserved settlement you can encounter

1. ‘friends’ asking for money or
2. ‘friends’ pretending you don’t exist. Neither particularly cares about you, you are just a fair weather friend, usually one they can feel superior to in some way. What you received is life-changing for you but you haven’t win £100m on the Euro millions. It’s a lovely sum, but it’s not like you can put your feet up and retire. I think she’s jealous, and also angry that her 10k estimate wasn’t correct. Now I’m getting older I realise I have a few true friends. But I’ve come across many I’ve felt who were good mates over the years, who could ice you out for no reason. I wouldn’t even bother asking this friend why. If she’s not short of money and you don’t work together, I can’t see why she can be so miffed. It doesn’t affect her life or lifestyle one bit.

I think that it is not uncommon for some people to not be pleased at what they see as others enjoying a windfall however that comes about. Many years ago, when my parents died, as an only child I inherited all of their modest estate. It meant we were able to buy a car for the first time. I was shocked at the attitude of some of the people we knew then.

This.

The fact that she was trying to get you to settle for approximately a quarter of what you actually ended up being awarded jumped out at me. Most people hate being wrong.

I completely understand envy. A friend of mine got a huge amount of money which he didn’t deserve (unlike OP’s case). I was envious - as in I wish it had also happened to me as well - but not jealous - as in I wish it had happened to me instead, or not at all. It was more “you jammy bastard!”

I was happy for him.

Didn’t affect our friendship in the slightest.

Having read your updates, it’s jealousy.

It's obviously jealousy. I'm not one to jump to that conclusion as an immediate first choice but its pretty damn obvious if this has coincided directly with the settlement at the exact same time that she is jealous.

Very bizarre seeing as it wasnt a random inheritance, it was money for something you went through that was clearly bad and stressful.

Unfortunately, some friends dont like it when good things happen to you or your status quo goes on the upswing and for me, this is often a test of a true friendship. If someone can be genuinely happy for your good fortune then that indicates a good friend. Some people actively enjoy their friends being in a bad place because it makes them feel better about themselves- sick but true.

Of course, we all might feel fleeting moments of envy from time to time but certainly not strong enough to punish the people we supposedly care about by ignoring them when they have good fortune like money or whatever. When I started my business I had friends warn me it wouldnt succeed and when it did succeed they started making snarky comments and seemed actively pissed off about it- just another example of what I am talking about.

This isnt about you, its about her and sadly, she'll only end up hurting herself in the long run because bitterness is like corrosive poison and it only truly harms the person who is feeling it in the long term.

I would just ask her straight out - if she's upset with you for some reason. She'll either tell you or not, but at least it'll be out in the open?

I would imagine she’s jealous of the money you’ve received, and doesn’t think you deserve it. It’s something I wouldn’t have discussed as people can get envious of « windfalls ». My DD recently qualified for PIP for her eating disorder, whereas a terminally ill friend was turned down. I haven’t told anyone about the PIP as I know there will be understandably resentment. Well done for fighting for justice and winning.

it could be jealousy
alternative
It may be something in her life that she is stressed about/struggling. She may not feel able to talk about it or it might be confidential. Rather than spoil your happiness and relief or because she can’t discuss her issues she has withdrawn.
If she was a good friend maybe leave the door open - “I’d love to hear from you, do text/email/call” then leave it at least a while, possibly forever.