To think my friend stopped talking to me because I received a settlement from work?

You've disagreed, been snappy and rude in most of your responses. So maybe if you've spoken to her like that it may have something to do with it, not your money.

When you say you’ve tried reaching out, what have you said to her when you have?

Have you asked her outright what the problem is?

Or has it just been more of a “Hi, how are you. Everything ok?” type thing.

It’s clearly simple jealousy. She hates that you’d got a pay out from an employer for their shit treatment of you. You have money now. She does t.

Of course it’s not her being morally affronted by it 😂

Oh that’s interesting and might explain her reaction. Maybe she’s feeling resentful towards you because you managed to stand up for yourself when she didn’t….Whatever the reason though you have done nothing wrong OP.

Hmm ok. There was nothing in your earlier posts to suggest this has been going on for months. And "reaching out " could have just been hi how's it going for all anyone here knew, hence the many suggestions of actual ways of trying one more time. If you think there's a friendship worth saving. But going from your updates I don't think you really think there is, and I don't think you were really posting for advice, and that's fine. I'm sorry you've lost a friend and I wish you well.

Jealousy not nice. Hard know op. I would phase her out. My neighbour was saying parents went sour after exam results. You could def believe it!

Fair enough, if it is more that you are upset with her than that you don't want to be rejected then just let thw friendship go. Life's too short to spend it chasing after people you aren't that fond of anyway.

Yes I think you're getting to the root of it now!

I dont think she's a good friend. We all change and grow as people and thats really healthy and normal. As long as we are growing in a good way thats beneficial for us its really not for anyone else to stifle that out of a need to keep us in our perceived "box" because it makes them feel more comfortable that way.

You see this all the time with issues like weight loss/fitness- one friend loses weight and at first people are verbally supportive but then they dont like it when that person changes their lifestyle. If she can only be friends with you as long as she is the "big sister" then its not a very equal friendship and neither is it fair to you because that means you can never grow and develop either.

I think looking back, you'll realise you are better off without her in the long run.

Yes I agree that jealousy isn’t a lazy explanation. Lots of MNers tend to say that; but just because something is a commonly correct explanation doesn’t make it lazy to conclude it. The world is drenched in jealousy.

Respectfully, that's bullshit. I wouldn't have someone go cold on me without asking them what the issue is. Not accuse them of it being because of the money, just ask them generally if I had upset them in any way and see what they say.

My guess is it absolutely IS the issue... but of course to admit that would be admitting she's a jealous cow, which she's not going to do, so has opted for the silent treatment instead.

I think if it has been a d3cent friendship you owe it to her to ask her out to celebrate the settlement. You could just say sorry you've not been able to catch up for a while but you feel you owe big sister a meal for all her support. If she blows you off then fine, you tried your best. Maybe she feels like you don't value the relationship as much as she did given you didn't bother to tell her your news (in her eyes). I'd decide which is more important, your pride or yhe relationship. If your pride is more important and/or she's annoyed you too much don't make any further effort. She might come back eventually.

You have hit her in the self esteem.

She had herself in the role of "big sister", so the grown up compared to you as the "little sister" so the kid. She obviously places great importance on this, hence her trying to undermine your efforts to increase your settlement with her not so subtle attempts to imply you are not as capable as her, the grown up, as you are "only a kid".

But you won. You proved her wrong and you did a big girl grown up thing all on your own and that takes you out of your baby sister box. And she doesnt like it. She first met you when you were 16 and I suspect in her head you have always been 16, and now she has to acknowledge that you're not a kid anymore.

Its rather like the mother who still tries to boss her adult kids around as a self styled Matriarch because they cant face not being needed in that role anymore.

ETA.....does she make a big deal about helping people or doing things for people? Sounds like she needs to be needed and making sure everyone knows how much she does for others, and you have shown that you dont need her so she doesnt need you anymore as you dont validate her existence.

Could she have suffered something similar in the past and it’s only you receiving the settlement that’s dredged it all up for her?

I had something similar with a friend who attended court with me when my ex-husband wanted to stop paying me maintenance. It was a horrendous couple of years and I was very grateful for the support. She was encouraging me to accept a very low offer which would have meant me having to take in a lodger to keep my house.

I ploughed on and was awarded over twenty times the amount offered. Since then she has made comments about me "being all about the money" and her husband would have "hidden the money too" if it had been him. Pure jealousy. I've backed right away from her now (friendship was always very one-sided anyway)

The lesson is not to share details of finances with anyone even if they are 'supporting' you. You have no idea what they're really thinking.

Possibly she thinks you were being a bit grabby Op? Is it a job where your settlement will eventually be paid by the taxpayer or customers or something.

I’d be miffed you hadn’t bothered to tell me if I’d supported you through a long process. In your situation yes take a day or two but then tell her and maybe send some
flowers recognising her involvement

Message her, "What's up friend? Why the recent distance? Want to tell me/have a chat ?"