To think my friend stopped talking to me because I received a settlement from work?

i had a friend once that admitted that we couldn’t be « friend » anymore because I started dating and she was single. I was very sad because of course when your situation change, you want your friends nearby. Now that is the thing. You want friends nearby. Not anyone.

she showed you what you are for her. Don’t look back 🌺

Well it's true ... OP hasn't shared the full story (that's fine, her choice) but we don't know what has happened at her work. I can think of many situations when someone would fight for a payout when they may also be at fault. One that comes to mind is performance related issues. OP asked people not to project their own opinions or situations onto her but how can anyone say what is wrong with the friend when we know nothing about it?

Sorry, you're right, I did post that - I didn't tell her specifically how much compensation we got, I think she had a rough idea, and that was enough to make her angry.

@Dragonfly97 apologies, when you said:

“a "friend" dropped me when she found out how much money I got”

I thought that meant you shared how much compensation you received.

@thepariscrimefiles
The OP has only challenged you because you because you posted a snarky comment that a setttlement didn't mean that she was innocent.

You are one of those posters that is rude to the OP but gets annoyed when the OP bites back.

Good spot! I hadn't realised that was the same poster. Explains it!

Eh?

Op has explained clearly and concisely, and answered questions as best she can.

I don't see any rudeness.

Women standing up for themselves isn't rudeness.

Yes m, reading your update about the "older sister" relationship makes this very very likely.

I wondered this too. Maybe she was expecting a share - she's not entitled to any of course, but folk can be strange when it comes to money.

Another jealous person- why can’t friends just be happy for you?

I didn't "share" how much compensation was awarded; my "friend" knew we had a case and that we won, no more than that. I've come to realise this former friend has never had my best interests at heart so I let the friendship drift. Sometimes we outgrow people.

I agree with you @RecallRecall . I think some people who come into money share too much information and want to illicit a reaction. We have friends who have retired very early. I'm genuinely happy for them. But the constant boasting and asking intrusive questions about our finances has led to us distancing ourselves from them. They would no doubt say that's envy, but it isn't.

@PixieLaLar The last 3 posts have also been projecting but I'm guessing those might be more acceptable?

I don't think envy or jealously are the right words really. It's not about the money per se. It's more about the unearned nature and entitlement of it. I'm at the age where lots of friends and acquaintances have come into inheritances or other bonus lump sums. The way people handle themselves often dictates reactions from others. The people that tend to complain about their situations are often the ones then end up benefiting most I find.

For example all @of us can expect to lose someone we love one day and it often won't be easy. Appreciating that bereavement will happened to everyone but not everyone will financially benefit is emotional intelligence.

Yet again I’m astounded by how much people share about money. Why on earth would a PP share how much was received in a medical negligence compensation case! I suppose it had the useful effect of flushing out jealous “friends”.

This reminded me of the time my FIL died. It was a very sad and protracted death and we were very involved in his last month as he had taken ill while staying with us. It was just an awful situation and a very painful time.

When he finally passed I of course said to one of my closest friends 'FIL died last night' and he immediate response - immediate was she snapped 'So you'll inherit then'. I was so taken aback. I spoke about it here at the time actually because she dropped me like a stone. She is godmother to my 2 Dcs for crying out loud. She refused to speak to me. refused to acknowledge my messages. We belong to the same sporting club and she would turn her face away from my direction when I was around.

That was 10 years ago and she has never spoken to me since.

My Mum died as a result of medical negligence. We got compensation, and a "friend" dropped me when she found out how much money I got. It's opened my eyes to how jealousy affects people. I told a mutual friend about it, and she said "Why would she be jealous of YOU?!" As if I couldn't possibly have anything that would make her jealous. As I've got older I've got less patience for so-called friends who pretend to care about me.

I don't know what is going on, but it could easily be envy. When my dad died suddenly and horribly when I was in my thirties, my manager who I'd always been on very good terms with, was kind and arranged time off for me. Then when I mentioned some months later that the estate was finally sorted and I had paid off my mortgage, she was kind of furious and never treated me in a friendly way again. She had a good income, partner and children; I was fortunate to be mortgage-free but was single and with almost no family, so I hadn't expected her to be envious.

Good on you OP!

I think it’s quite clear your ‘friend’ and random strangers on here are jealous of your payout, assertiveness and confidence not to back down. You only have to read some of the silly comments on this thread to see that.

Ignore them OP, most likely projecting their own issues here.

My thoughts too, commented further up about this.

You still don't know why your friend isn't talking to you though do you. So any experience we have might be helpful.

Why is her suggestion of £10k not valid ( and why did you mention it if it wasn't').
What if they had offered you £80k. Would you have taken that?

I can't see that the OP has been any of the above...we've asked questions and the OP has replied with valid answers.

It's true though that a settlement doesn't necessarily reflect the true situation. What it could mean ( and this sounds likely from what the Op has said) is that the Op knows how to fight hard.
The friend thought the situation warranted £10k. Maybe it's not jealously of the amount but the feeling that it's excessive.
I had a similar thing with a friend that was very articulate and got herself a massive redundancy. You could say good for her but the reality was she was off work more than she was there and it felt wrong they were paying anything to get rid of her. I didn't like her ethics and our friendship faded.

This!

The OP has only challenged you because you because you posted a snarky comment that a setttlement didn't mean that she was innocent.

You are one of those posters that is rude to the OP but gets annoyed when the OP bites back.

Hmm. See I think if I felt the friendship was at the point where I was about to give up, I’d probably just ask outright what her problem is.

You said this has gone on for a fair few months the now. You’ve tried the polite way to find out what her issue is.

Maybe now it’s time to be more blunt and just say something like “I’ve noticed a massive shift in your behaviour towards me over the last few months. If I’ve done something to upset you, just be honest and tell me what the problem is. Because honestly I’m getting the impression you don’t want this friendship anymore. That’s your right, but at least have the decency to tell me what it is I’ve done to upset you”.

If she doesn’t respond or still doesn’t want to tell you what the problem is, then I’d pull back and not continue trying to reach out. At that point leave her to it and assume she isn’t the friend you thought she was.