Husband shouted at my daughters

@Unknown987 I've just seen your post about your toddler being articulate. This was also true of our youngest who had elder siblings around and I think is reasonably common in families with a similar dynamic. It's [mostly] a blessing .

In our case, toddler picked up the word tantrum and being able to name the feeling seemed to be a fairly helpful in developing their understanding of the sudden emotional storm.

Remember though, that although a good vocabulary is a bonus, and will help them be able to speak to adults and in the short term can accelerate their learning, their peers will mostly catch up. Most of our children aren't geniuses - they just seem that way to us.

Me! You addressed it to me!
Your tone is quite aggressive. I hope your kids are safe.

@Citrusandginger I agree it must be hard to be told to go to your room at that age because your 3 year old sibling is tantrumming and your routine and evening being at the whim of a younger child

@Unknown987 I think you could do with some support in dealing with the tantrums as well and looking at her routine erc

I've already addressed the formatting error which I was unable to correct on my phone.

And your overblown posts on here have made it pretty clear how you view OP's situation as well as that of others on this thread.

Looking at a small segment of this, I'm interested in why the older girls didn't scram when they were told to. Had they misread the cues and not understood that the laughing was becoming a problem or did they not want to separate themselves from the key family activity at that moment? In other words was it a bit of FOMO?

Other posters have suggested helpful ways not to reward tantrums, but as someone who also had a big gap between DC, I found making the evening routine about the tweens and teens rather than the toddler, was better for family harmony.

If you think this is an issue, could you rethink your evenings so that your older DC don't feel pushed out? Maybe alternate who does bedtime, or bathe the younger one in the mornings?

No it wasn’t the OP but it was someone agreeing with the OP that her husband is not abusive.

Look, throwing around the freedom programme and women’s aid so glibly and willy nilly is offensive because the women who do need these programmes do not access them lightly. They are very serious.

You need to take a step back and take whatever trauma you have experienced out of this.

Not every isolated circumstance of someone not behaving at their best is someone being abused.

every single parents will have had circumstances with their kids where they go yeah I could have handled that a bit better. It doesn’t make them abusive parents and it doesn’t mean women’s aid and the freedom programme are required.

Don't worry, you've only done the equivalent of SCREAMING at nuclear level in a thread and creating a total eye sore.

While thinking you've done the ultimate gotcha in "proving" a poster told the op to do the freedom program and consult WA, when the poster wasn't addressing the op.

(And was instead responding to a poster, one of a few, saying they would shout at and push their kids around in similar circumstances, and that that was totally normal & acceptable).

You quote a post and think you've done a big gotcha ..... But you can't even work out who the poster was addressing or in what context.

Who was that addressed to????

Who?

Not sure why the text came out so large in that post 😄Wasn't intentional.

HazelPlayer · Yesterday 09:16

Pushing a child on the shoulder who is refusing to go where requested towards where they have been asked to go isn’t bloody abuse. You're wrong. Maybe go and do the freedom program or speak to women's aid. If you're raising kids, that's disturbing.

HTH.

quite telling if given the choice to go to dads or stay at home if I'm away/busy they choose home with the so called abusive step dad?

What's the situation with their Dad and his household?
That would be relevant?

Yep.

And she's "not going to respond to posters who haven't read the updates".

Mate, I read the updates.....I just can't get my head around them.

Did you establish that the forceful push didn't happen & your daughter was lying before you started this thread , or after?

If you established it before, as would be normal.given this happened the evening before you posted this thread; Huw come you didn't say that in your op? How come you let people think he could have pushed her forcefully and that you didn't see it?
How come you also didn't feel the need to mention one of your daughters lies about her step father's actions? Wouldn't it be relevant?

If you established it after you started this thread, how come you started a thread canvassing opinions about this (with a subject as serious as male aggression towards a female minor in her home,) without establishing it?
And how come in general you didn't establish it after the bath/quickly; since it would be slightly important to know whether he was forceful/aggressive (just for yourself - aside from a MN thread) would it not?

The update seemed rather convenient.

Just like the "shouting" in your thread title being downgraded to a raised voice seemed convenient.

And they came after posts that were not sympathetic and minimising. When you were getting minimising posts, you were thanking posters, they were clearly what you wanted.

(Also, given the description of the situation and his behaviour, I find it hard to imagine that he gently and neutrally "moved" your daughter).

and the absolute hyperbolic response you’re putting out of “get on the freedom programme and phone women’s aid because you and your kids are being abused”

Where did I tell the op to do the freedom program and phone WA??

And you accuse others of hyperbole lol.

A toddler resisting bedtime means they aren't tired? Don't get silly. My kids would have stayed up to midnight if I let them dictate when bedtime was. She wants to stay up and not miss out on potential fun, she's probably overtired if anything if she's having big tantrums

Glad tonight’s went better
mine are teens. One never had a tantrum, one did.
the one that did used to come out of them when I cuddled them. A kind of strong cuddle, IYKWIM just to give them reassurance to regain control of emotions and then once they’d calmed down we could talk about the issue.
count down timers that are truthful. We used 5 minute egg

timers from eBay.

the other thing was not always saying no. Often your immediate reaction is no to what they are asking, when it could be a mitigated yes.
”no you can’t use this knife to chop carrots, but, if I chop them you can add them”

“Can I walk the dog”
”if we use two leads and I have one just in case he pulls”

kind of thing (I’ve given a really poor obvious example). It takes a lot more thought but can often head off a tantrum. Some things are obviously non negotiable. Basically, picking your battles.

Honestly OP, no wonder your household is in a kerfuffle. Judging only from your posts you seem all over the place here.

I’m not even sure any advice you get here will be helpful because it’s back and forth as to what the situation is/was.

Sounds like he made a mistake at the end of his tether. He needs to apologise and the older DDs need to try not to make the tantrum situations worse and maybe give you some space whilst you're dealing with it.

Then your toddler is obviously not tired which is probably why she had a tantrum.

Absolutely! Between this and the shrieking meme on whatsapp thread about reporting to hr and Police despite not knowing what's allegedly been said/posted.... it makes me shudder to think who could be on a jury!

Good job OP. Of course, Hazel will be along in a minute to explain that what you did was abusive...

Absolutely terrifying that some of the posters on here might one day be called for jury service. The ability to create a narrative in their own heads and ignore updates from the one person who was there is quite something to witness.