Negativity around boys from mums of girls

You can’t manage other people’s reactions, though. Their mad shit is their mad shit. When we told PILs we were having a baby (and we were living abroad and had just flown in) MIL said brightly ‘An only is a lonely!’

When we found out he was a boy (we knew he would not have siblings) both SILs sent me sympathetic texts, assuming I was disappointed, because they had been desperate to ‘get their girls’. When I said, perfectly truthfully, that I’d had no preference, they thought I was just “being brave’.

Treat it as mildly irritating but nothing you need to bother about.

Sure, but the same could be said for people saying “I’m lucky to have two girls”. I’m having a little girl and I certainly feel very lucky. I’m sure I’d also feel lucky to be having a little boy (I know some lovely, adorable boys) and if we are lucky enough to have a second I’ll be equally thrilled whether it’s a boy or a girl.

I think some women feel sad if they never have a daughter and get to experience that female relationship and I think that’s understandable.

How ironic. 🙄

I had a thump of disappointment initially when I discovered I was having a boy, because I didn’t like boys. My brother and his mates drove me mad and I’d always preferred the company of women. I anticipated a girl because I was a girl (completely stupid, I’d just not put anything thought into it)

He was the greatest baby the world had ever seen (I wish I was being ironic but I was honestly besotted).

When baby 2 was also a boy, I had so many people commiserate, or ask if we’d “try again for a girl?” It was so frequent I eventually snapped.

”Which of my wonderful sons would you suggest I swap?”

They didn’t ask again.

Boys are lovely, girls are lovely - because babies are lovely. Anyone experiencing something more than a momentary disappointment to their expectations needs to think long and hard about whether they are suited to being a parent.

This always seems to be such a thing on mumsnet. There are always comments about how boys are easier, less arguments, less drama and as a mother of both it gets my goat. In real life I've always seen it the other way around ie boys being preferred over girls. My sister has 2 boys and noone has commented anything like that to her. She would have liked a dd as she cannot have anymore children. It doesn't mean she doesn't love her son or would exchange him. I have girl boy , girl and was told by an idiot I know that I shouldn't have a 4th incase it's another girl. I told said idiot to mind her own but I refuse to argue with stupid.

People get defensive when it comes to this. There has already been posts about boys being great, well yes they are but so are girls. Also some have already responded thst boys are easier to raise without reslising that whilst it mauy be their experience but it is quite a big generalisation to make. I firmly believe you get what is best for you. It's ok to say that you are happy with your lot and that doesn't mean you are putting anyone else down. Congratulations on your little one, wishing you a happy, healthy pregnancy.

For countless generations across the world, baby girls have been disfavoured so much as to be disposed of often before birth. So a small blip in this trend is ok, surely

I would have thought so. I have 3 girls and haven't once felt deprived or a smidgeon of regret over not having a boy.

People say stupid things regardless of the gender. It will be airheads who think having a girl means pretty dresses, dancing and make up. Ignore them.

What’s supposed to be wrong with boys?!

It made me absolutely cringe but I don’t think she meant it in the way it had potential to come across.

It’s also worth noting that I knew these views were held even though I’d had three mcs.

Unbelievable.

We didn’t find out the sex with either of ours but I anticipated some disappointment’ from the same quarter so I got in first with plenty of comments about how another boy would be great when they were asking what I thought I was having. I also dropped the occasional one about how bloody awful it is to express disappointment and neither of mine were ever going to be a disappointment and if I thought they were to anyone they wouldn’t be seeing much of them.

That did the trick - at be least at the time. I’ve had the odd comment over the years trying to get me to join in with their disappointment at not having a DD of their own but I push back firmly every time.

I don’t agree. Also work with a lot of high earners (and am one myself) and it’s usually women prefer girls men prefer boys.

Well the OP is saying she’s lucky to have her “blonde haired blue eyed boy”, does that mean she pities mothers with dark haired sons?!

I think if you’re happy and made up to have two boys that’s really all you need to think about. A lot of people do have a preference and that’s OK too.

For countless generations across the world, baby girls have been disfavoured so much as to be disposed of often before birth. So a small blip in this trend is ok, surely.

But my boys certainly do and most definitely are 🤷‍♀️

It continues at school I’m afraid with little girls (and a few boys) sitting nicely and colouring and doing crafts being praised to the heavens and little boys (and a few girls) getting constantly told off for running, kicking balls too hard, kicking the wrong types of balls, basically behaving in any way “typical” of boys by their female teachers.

It used to be very much the other way around. I’d never had an engagement ring, but dh bought me a really lovely ring right after the birth of dd2. A neighbour took one look and said, ‘You got that for a GIRL?’

To be fair, she was a non Brit from a culture where boys were most definitely ‘best’, but it used to be a not uncommon feeling among Brits, too. Including my DM! - who’d have denied it to her dying day, but my one Dbro was def. her favourite of the 4 of us.

I can’t understand why people admit in advance to ‘gender disappointment’ though. How can they be sure that no seriously thoughtless person won’t one day say, ‘Oh, your mum was so disappointed when she found out that you weren’t going to be a girl.’

Congratulations! If you're happy then that's what matters.
I tend to ignore all the killjoys in life tbh.

But again this is feeding into it. My son has no interest in football and wrestling either! And saying ‘boys are easier’ seems to be a constant stereotype.

I don’t understand what posters don’t understand quite frankly.

You’ve only got to read the bejillion threads on mn every day from women who can’t stand their MILs whatever they do, and the advice around newborns about how to keep the DH’s family at arm’s length. There was a thread the other day from a well meaning MiL about how she could get it right around get pregnant Dil and the vitriol she received was eye popping. Telling her to stfu, it ‘wasn’t about her’ and that it was perfectly natural for DILs to defer to their own mums so she was superfluous.

To me, this isn’t about lovely cute little boys. It’s about attitudes toward family when they become men and husbands.

I think there is some truth in that. I work in an environment with a large number of very high earners and almost without exception they appear to have a clear preference for having boys.

I have two boys and they are lovely. Though it does make me sad reading all the 'men are awful and are the problem with the world, we'd be better off without them all' threads on MN. Surely it's no wonder people have gender disappointment when this is the attitude of what boys grow up to be

I never had any of this nonsense.
Maybe as a PP said, I am 1/2 Indian so people thought I'd be more delighted with 2 boys (cultural expectation).
Or because I had 10 years between them people were just relieved/happy I was having a second child (that's a whole other thread) they overlooked the sex.

I did hear more comments about having to try for the other sex if 1 and 2 were the same, and voicing unwarranted opinions on 3 or 4 being the same sex. Rude!

I am one of 4 girls and when I found out my first was going to be a boy, I was shocked.

i am an intelligent person but for some reason brain didn’t quite compute! Football games and wrestling wasn’t the childhood id had so couldn’t envisage it 😂.

number 2 was a girl and number 3 another boy. I can categorically say the 2 boys are 10 times easier to look after than my middle girl.