Negativity around boys from mums of girls

100% tone deaf comment… you must have little going on in your life if ‘everyday’ you thank your lucky stars you have girls 🤣

I thanked my lucky stars to be told there were no concerns about my baby’s health and development at my 20 week anomaly scan - which for too many people is just a “gender (sex!) scan.” I was then so happy to have a healthy, live baby after a bad birth. I remember meeting up with friends after my anomaly scan and forgetting to tell them the sex as I really didn’t care. We only found out as my husband just wanted to know.

It’s as if people really don’t realise some people are told that their baby has a disability that’ll affect their quality of life at the twenty week “gender” scan, or a condition that’ll be life limiting.

Because the comment was about girls and the thread is about wanting girls......

That’s not what a huge amount of comments on this thread are saying …

What a sap your BIL is!

I agree but I’m not seeing that from the comment you posted?

It's strange and I was never aware of this until the Internet. If anything I was aware of people preferring boys before then.
I think it tends to be people who are into stereotyping. Girls are pink and bitchy etc

I have 3 boys and they are my absolute joy, and I never wanted anything different. I never wished for a girl, but definitely heard all of the comments, particularly from my MIL, who has 3 sons and has always wished for a girl, its actually pathetic how much she laments over the fact she never had a girl. When me and my SIL (she has 2 boys) were pregnant she was always wishing each child was a girl, comments like "I finally get my girl!" So much so that my BIL actually apologised to MIL when they found out the sex of DN2. 🙄

Congratulations on your pregnancy, your sons will be an absolute joy!

I find it interesting that these sorts of comments are sternly corrected but the women saying they wanted boys are not

I think anyone who feels that strongly about a certain gender should maybe think about their ability to parent effectively. If you are literally going to be bereft by having one gender and not love them as much (which is what is implied) then thats a serious issue.

As I say, nothing wrong with having a preference but acting like you're going to be devastated with one gender is quite troubling for that child and it will affect them if thats how you genuinely feel.

I think it is more that people in the west widely perceive girls as easier, harder working, more compliant and diligent, less boisterous or likely to get into trouble when they're older, etc.

I find it interesting that these sorts of comments are sternly corrected but the women saying they wanted boys are not.

Speaking of adoption, most people who do adopt express a preference for a girl (of course not everyone gets what they want) and given that many will come to adoption due to fertility issues it shows preferences don’t stop when you struggle to conceive.

I think the thing with this though, is that people post on anonymous forums quite often because they are expressing things that they know won’t really go down well elsewhere.

my mid thirties Dbro spends lots of time with my mum and no one would dare call him a mummy’s boy. They might post it anonymously here but that doesn’t affect him or my mum at all.

we all know it’s not really socially acceptable to call men mummies boys and wouldn’t do it in public. I should imagine that there are equally (and much more) offensive things written about women all over the internet but we know that doesn’t make it socially acceptable or even true.

the grandparent thing - women are probably more likely to turn to their mums initially in the very early stages but it’s been my observation that once the baby/child becomes more than just an extension of their mother (after the newborn phase) it tends to even out. And once child care is a consideration it’s just whoever is willing and able! Boy mums might be taking a backseat for the first few months but after that it seems to be pretty even. Certainly is the case for me. Actually with my second it was MIL who helped out most during the newborn phase because she was able to and my own DM wasn’t. My kids love both sets of GPs equally.

So what would you have done if you'd had boys then- given them back/put them up for adoption? sued your lucky stars for breach of contract?

Nothing at all wrong with a preference but its silly dramatic statements like this that make me roll my eyes into my head and its exactly what the OP means.

So ridiculous. I have two boys and when pregnant with my third I can't tell you how many comments I had about hopefully it would be a girl- I answered each time by saying I'd actually love a third boy.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing I totally agree. Their personalities definitely aren't defined by their sex! And the people saying "my boys are so much easier than my girls" or "I only have girls and they are so much easier than my friends boys" it's all a lot of shite really coz in that situation really you are only comparing 2 - 3 individuals, not an entire gender!

I think it would be great if people could keep their mouths shut around other people's pregnancies and babies but according to some threads ive seen on here, people commenting - no matter how rude or insulting, is just them "showing interest in your baby".....

why is there such negativity around boys?

It doesn't stop either. It goes on and on

I’ve had it the other way- people telling me ‘girls are so much harder!’ Or ‘You’ll have your hands full with her!’ Either way, it’s weird and rude!

I think people on all “sides” - and on the sidelines tbh - put far too much emphasis on the sex of a baby. It has no bearing on what their personality can or should be.

Not a criticism of you OP but of those people who say things like “oh dear, another boy” or who call themselves “a boy mum”, whatever that means.

This whole idea of “boy mums” and “girl mums” really annoys me too! I get that there can be a smugness and a lack of understanding from parents who only have girls tbh. But equally this whole “boy mum” thing of those who only have boys and want to make it into a character trait of their own is annoying and pretentious too.

Plus you still get the real pressing issue of some parents desperately wanting boys, either for “cultural” reasons (not saying that’s an acceptable reason) or when there’s no non-UK culture at play but one parent, usually the dad, is a horrible sexist.

I happen to have one of each, but their personalities definitely aren’t defined by sex - although it’s quite strange when some character traits they do have in common are thought of as masculine in the girl and feminine in the boy!

When my second and last daughter was born there was lots of comments about how my husband would never have a son and what a pity that was.

I have 3 girls and lots of people mentioned during by last pregnancy that it was a shame my youngest wasn’t a boy 🤷🏼‍♀️. It didn’t really bother me to be honest.

People feel how they feel about this issue and that’s ok. A lot of it is rooted in arbitrary ideas, stereotypes and expectations about gender ; on the other hand gendered dynamics in relationships are very real and powerful, even in 2024.

By way of just a couple of examples, it seems to be widely accepted on mumsnet that GPs on dad’s side can expect to be treated very differently to maternal GP, and have a lot less access to their grandchildren. Also see the recent thread about how a 24 yr old man who chose to spend an evening with his mum is a “mummy’s boy” (and this is a big red flag apparently). These are just two of many, many dynamics where there are different social rules for girl mums and boy mums.

I have 2 girls and 1 boy. I always wanted a girl just being honest here, I love all my children the same. However my boy is honestly the best and always cuddling me, relaxed, sleeps well and so sweet.

Maybe it’s because I live in an environment that is heavily male orientated that views differ.

I too am an extremely high earner and have definitely seen a huge preference towards boys from both men and women at the same level.

Oh my goodness the pressure! I can’t say I’ve ever had that one to my face but maybe people do feel sorry for my DD for ‘not having a sister’ 😂

it does seem that somehow as the bearers of children there are insane and conflicting expectations: don’t have more than two as it’s bad for the planet/do have one of each as they won’t argue so much and you will experience both/ but also do have two the same so they have a same sex bestie for life/ but also don’t care about the gender of your children because they are all individuals/ but also do care about the gender of your children because they need to be parented differently/ definitely don’t have an only child/ but also don’t only have a second child for the sake of your first….

I think its because having one of each is perceived as superior somehow. So those with all girls can be quite defensive as they havent given DH a son or whatever. I have 5, a mixture of boys and girls and their sex is such a small factor in the relationship I have with each of them. They are all unique individuals funnily enough. I'm not into pink, matching bows, shopping, manicures etc so I had no need to fulfill that particular fantasy. I do feel sorry for girls who are born into that dynamic. My boys are getting older now and it's wonderful to have this crowd of handsome, strapping young men - they've all loved to carry bags for me etc, even as little 5 year olds, boys love to feel indispensable and that they are taking care of you. My girls are eldest and youngest, with three brothers in between them - whatever dynamic you have, a happy family is a happy family.
Boy negativity is a very 21st C, western world thing. I don't understand it at all. Thinking about it, society is so against males generally these days that it isn't surprising this begins from birth.

People with strong feelings either way have no business having children. The wrong sex will always be a disappointment, and the right sex better not step out of the pigeonhole they were born into.

Neither child can win with their selfish parents.