Negativity around boys from mums of girls

If you've experienced one sex it can be hard to imagined another. I was a little disappointed on hearing I was having a boy (after a girl) and now o think I was ridiculous! He's just perfect and brings so much joy. Easier than my daughter too.

This is exactly it - of course the wife will prioritise their own family and invitably they see her side more because they get saddled with the social engagement management.

I literally nag my husband daily to try to include his own mom/family but they have a difficult relationship (and she's a narcissist) so it hard to invite her to days out when she has a physical tantrum Because my two year old is centre of attention at the farm or whatever.

I hope I can raise my boys to want to spend time with us, it just feels like a losing battle when I don't know a single male who puts effort into their family.

@SoupDragon

I try to be equal, she didnt find out about my pregnancy as early as she cant keep a secret, but was first to meet my son to be fair.

I let her over step and buy the kids 'firsts' which were important to me as I knew she was excited where as I told my own mother to back off because I want to buy it or do it.

However my husband has no desire to see her regularly due to the neglect he experienced as a child, and when we do its a huge nag from myself (despite me not enjoying her company) as I want the boys to see both sides as equal. Where as I want to see my parents weekly (meaning my son sees them weekly). That means inevitably she watches from the side - and my parents are actively involved.

I'll try to be as equal as I can because i care about it. however I know many women (my SIL included) who have openly said their MIL will have no active part in their grandparents life, because their own parents are more important - so it's not unrealistic to that have in the forefront of my mind.

This is so sad 💔.

Advice- raise your boys to feel a sense of responsibility and loyalty to others- including their family of origin and their mother! It can be done, just so many men are too self absorbed and outsource all the “fulfilling social obligations” and maintaining relationships work to their wives, who naturally prioritise their own family.

No defensive posts, just here to tell you you're coming across as spiteful 😀 people's reasons aren't invalid just because you seem them so.

Have you treated your MIL as second rate then?

A male forum would read very differently though. Stats show most men want boys, and are far more likely to leave the family unit if their offspring are solely female.

I'm pregnant with my 2nd boy. I was so devastated when I found out, it wasn't the raising of boys which is the issue for me, I love having boys.

It's the absolute dread of being the 2nd rate MIL who's only visited occasionally and barely included in family. Women's moms are more involved usually, and knowing I'll watch from the side breaks my heart.

I have 2 boys and I have never come across this! If I did, I'd be sure to tell them where to go! Ridiculous.

And you do have to admit generally however culturally in say the us and U.K. girls to tend to stay closer to their own family’s where as some men being somewhat useless at times. They don’t bother to actually stay in contact unless they want/need something. So again the wives tend to end up doing all the plans and such tends to again be more her family.

So from this aspect I’d say it’s kinda normal in that kind of culture to maybe slightly prefer a girl over a boy. Where as in cultures where wife’s move into the husbands parents home boys are the preferred. Always supporting and the wife becomes the added pair of hands where as girls obviously move into their husbands family homes.

My tenth baby is only three weeks old, he's one of 7 boys (and 3 girls).
I absolutely love my boys, I've never felt any disappointment when finding out they were boys and quite frankly I will never understand those that do.

I've been saying for years how irritating I find it when I come across yet another 'gender disappointment' post and before I have even clicked it I know it's because baby is a boy.

People try to dress it up as much as they can (I had a lovely relationship with my mum, I can't imagine myself as a boy mum, I want a mother daughter relationship etc) but I'd be willing to bet money that for the majority it just boils down to them wanting to dress up their babies in pink and frilly things and girls clothing being 'prettier'

It's definitely been true of the people I know personally that have wanted girls.

Awaiting the defensive responses now 🙄

A large percentage of those rapists were not even born in the UK so it can hardly be entirely down to poor British parenting. We've had near enough open borders for decades and have been inundated with men from countries and cultures where unconsentual sex isn't even seen as rape, and sometimes rape isn't even seen as wrong but a man's right or reasonable chastisement etc. Even of the UK-born rapists, there will be plenty who haven't been raised with British values, look at the Rotherham gangs. These are not men, they are like animals.
But perhaps I'm just mean and racist.

That’s bonkers the mum who didn’t want boys in the house. Only time genitalia play a part here is if it’s a sleep over 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m not having a teen girl in my sons room anymore than I’m having a teen boy in my daughters room.

I do think it’s the stereo types that cause the issue tho. As I said I’m not girly. Don’t do make up, heels maybe once or twice a year. My oldest girl not girly at all either, neither is my mum actually.

My sil is one of those who apply make up with a shovel and cement mixer I swear. Always late because she needs her face on and her hair perfect. Which is why it’s so easy to see along side her previous words how she over plays the boys being boys boys. She used to try and steal my oldest girl so go shopping till she was more interested in the boys clothes section 😅

So much hate for mums of 2+ girls. We can't choose what we have.

First of all OP congratulations on your new baby to come.

People who mouth off about the gender of a baby are cf's. Best ignored.

I think some of us will have an internal preference that (for the majority of us) ends the minute the baba is placed in our arms.

I secretly didn't want a boy
. I looked at the baby world and the prevalence of male violence against women.
Because it had happened to me.

In 2023 798,000 women were raped in England and Wales (and that's just the reported number)
They were not all raped by the same man.

I think we as a society are getting it spectacularly wrong how we raise boys. Not individually but as a whole & it's horrific.

I don't have an answer.

Then my gorgeous boy was born & latterly 2 fabulous girls & I love them all to the moon & back.

SMOG is a great term, I haven't heard it before.
There is a thread about a girl sharing uni accommodation with boys, and many posters are referring to their beliefs that the male students will leave the bathrooms filthy and are a danger to the girls safety. I know my DS is much less likely to make or leave a mess behind him, and is far more dependable and measured in his behaviour than his sisters.
I believe from what I see on here, that most mothers are bringing up decent sons so I can't understand why these anti-male attitudes persist.

From my lived experience as a woman and a mum of teen boys I guess. I think our culture (and most others) prioritises the needs of men at every turn, and from a very young age.

I suppose it's fine until people make negative and insensitive comments and are unable to read the room.

I'm a mum of two boys. I couldn't be happier because they are my children who I love more than anything. They have great personalities and are fun to be around. But I didn't have a preference based on what sex they were going to be. I'm just glad I was able to have them without any major problems.

All of the spiteful comments about women wanting girls as they are desperate for a mini me are wrong.

I really wanted a girl and I am so grateful I got my daughter. I wanted a girl because I wanted to share all of the femal specific life experiences I shared with my mother with my child. I want to take her wedding dress shopping, support her through her first pregnancy, teach her how to be a mother and pass on all the life advice I have learned in my 30 years that really only apply to women, like dealing with sexism in the work place etc.

I have enjoyed these experiences with my mother so much I wanted to do them with my daughter. I obviously couldn't do these things with a son. That doesn't mean I wouldn't love a son, it just wouldn't be the experience I dreamed of. I know she may not get married or have babies and if she doesn't that's fine but there will always be a ln event to go and buy a special dress for like a prom or a special party and honestly I look forward to that. And there's nothing wrong with that

Congratulations on your pregnancy ❤️ I am genuinely shocked every day on some of the rubbish I hear people spout on MN. I think anyone who is so stuck on a particular sex should buy a dolly not conceive, as that's the only way you can choose.

I have one boy, I didn't particularly want to know the gender at my scan I just saw it and the midwife confirmed. Whilst it definitely made him feel more "real" as a person at that point I can't say i was over joyed he was a boy or disappointed he isn't a girl. Three years on, I've fallen in love with the beautiful person he is. Is he difficult occasionally - absolutely however I'm a woman and I was a difficult high maintenance child too so I believe it's all down to personality and nothing to do with sex 🤷‍♀️

Totally unfair to say those who express a desire for one sex or the other shouldn't have children at all. I had to go through IVF for my little girl and I thought we'd only ever have one baby. I so badly wanted a little girl because it was something I'd dreamt of my whole life. I probably would have been initially disappointed if she'd been a boy, but obviously would get over myself and love my longed for baby no matter what. It is okay to have preferences.

It is absolutely not okay to be disappointed on behalf of others though, that's just weird! DD has lots of little boy friends and they are an absolute joy. Sometimes people just get an idea in their head of what they want and get scared of the alternative. It doesn't take away them deserving children.

I am pregnant again now by sheer miracle and had no preference whatsoever as I now know how lovely little boys are, turns out I am having another girl, which carries the bonus of having kept all of DDs clothes in the loft 🥰

My best friend is expecting any day now and I have a 5 year old and 5 month old - both boys. When she found out she was having a girl (she has a boy) she message me saying how blessed she was to have one of each gender. I sent a sarky reply back saying your blessed to have two children no matter what gender!

I don't see why its such a big thing. I love my boys.

@PreggersWithBaby2 @PiggleToes appreciate both of your responses, I get what you were trying to express!

I do agree with it both ways too, I wish everyone would just be happy with a healthy baby either way!