Negativity around boys from mums of girls

Once you child is born they are who they are you would never change them, regardless of their sex. I have 2 boys, completely different to each other, each child is unique. I love them so much and am lucky, not because of their sex, but because of who they are.

Hate all this daughter for life, son until they find a wife/ evil MIL bullshit too.

It's weird. I'm firmly in the camp of boy or girl, a baby is a wonderful blessing either way.

The SM trope of insta perfect obedient little girls dressed the same as mummy with complicated hair dos (see the whole school hair trend on SM - who are these children who will sit on a tablet whilst their mum gels and waxes their hair into epic sculptures at 7:30 in the morning??) has become almost like an advertisement for motherhood and I guess a lot of people invest in that and then become disappointed when it doesn't happen for them or feel bad for those it doesn't happen for maybe.

Honestly OP, I have one of each and I was initially a little disappointed over the boy. I think there was some unresolved trauma over a past SA.

I can honestly say he is absolutely incredible and I love him to pieces. We all have expectations that aren’t necessarily realistic.

Because it sounds like you’re saying you’re lucky to have your two girls instead of boys.

People love to sound off on the internet and social media. I doubt they even believe half of what they write. As long as your friends and families aren't being arseholes don't even give it a second thought.

That’s horrendous!

I know op and then you get people saying boys are ‘easier to raise’ and all this anti girl stuff. I suppose we are women and a lot of men in life are pretty shit. So that’s possibly why.

People need to stop being so rude though. And it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. Be negative about a boy and assume he’ll be difficult - he probably will be.

He's the blonde haired blue eyed boy I always saw in my mind when I pictured him.

But.... My DD is the little person I always pictured when I imagined myself as a mother.

I think gender disappointment is not uncommon and definitely goes ways, and is only a huge problem when either it doesn't go away for the parent experiencing it or else when other people are trying to force it upon you (e.g. I'm getting a lot of "oh you must be hoping for a boy this time"... no I genuinely couldn't give a shite either way!!)

I think it’s one thing to have gender disappointment but it’s another for someone else to say ‘oh poor you’
that’s just plain rude and unnecessary.

I do see more threads on here about the mum wanting a girl & feeling quite upset about having a boy but I also see the cult like ‘boy mum’ or ‘mum of boys’ thing on social media a lot (& find it rather weird)

I have one of each & have had my fair share of unsolicited comments.
An old woman once told me ‘I’m glad I had boys, never wanted a girl’ when she saw me and my daughter playing together at a cafe. I suspect she had indeed wanted a girl.
I told her ‘that’s a very strange thing to say & not very nice is it?’
I’ve also had someone else tell me “girls are bad tempered”
Nice generalisation there!

When I was pregnant with my 2nd dc (a boy) another lady said ‘oh, you’ll be wanting a boy next won’t you, much better to have one of each’ I had similar comments a few times from strangers🫠
I just used to reply ‘ Actually, I’ll be happy with a healthy baby, I’m not fussed about whether they’re a boy or girl’

I think it’s more of a narcissistic thing, the upper/middle class mothers who do this are just more subtle about creating a mini version of themselves.

I forgot to add I think the amount of of negativity towards boys (usually stereotyping them dreadfully), on sites like this one doesn't help. There is an assumption they will all be trouble makers at school, they will treat girls and women badly etc..

This won't be popular, but I find this is more of a class thing, the upper/middle class seem to be very happy with their boys... it's a lower class thing to have a 'bestie' girl and create a mini version of yourself.

What on earth is wrong with feeling lucky to have two beautiful daughters? Most people feel lucky to have their children. She didn’t say because they are girls.
As expected this just turned into a thread about how awful it is to raise girls and how mums of girls are smug and only interested in having a mini me and pretty dresses 🙄

I have seen just as much negativity around having all girls as all boys, on here probably more.
I think though a lot of people would think the ideal is one of each, so you would have had similar comments from the same people if you were having a second girl.

What there is far more of is parents of boys complaining about these comments, particularly aiming it at mothers of girls. I don't think I've ever seen a post like this the other way round.

I have a both, always wanted both, and all have their own joys and challenges.

Yes I agree it was even like that when I had my second ds 29 years ago, girls were considered "first prize". I went on to have my third ds and the comments I got from some people were downright rude. My boys are lovely, I had them all round for dinner last night, we had a great evening.

I don't understand gender disappointment either, I just felt blessed to be able to have the children I do have.

I will never forget after my second son was born someone saying to me "oh never mind, better luck next time" but a friend who had a second girl was met with "oh how adorable, they will have such a lovely bond" (we were stood together at the time too, same person who made the comment to us both).

It really infuriated me, I will always feel like the luckiest mum ever with my adorable boys, they are truly amazing and make me so proud everyday.

Massive congratulations on your second baby!

The mind boggles at how much people care about the sex of other people's babies. Interestingly I have experienced this but with having two girls. I couldn't have cared less what I had, especially with my second after suffering losses and a difficult pregnancy. But the amount of tone deaf comments about how disappointed I must be, how my DH must be disappointed, how I was going to have a nightmare time once they're teenagers and surely I wasn't going to stop at 2 children if I hadn't yet had a boy!

I never know what to say in the moment because I'm always so shocked that people have the audacity to say these things aloud, not to mention it couldn't be further from the truth. I love my girls and I would have loved them just as much had they been boys, we are so blessed to have had our children no matter their sex.

Op my ds is 22 now. Taller than me and one of my favourite people in the world. He was different to raise to his sisters but oh I wouldn't want the world without him.

I find it goes the other way too though. When I was expecting no 2 and she was a girl (I did want a girl as I wanted dd1 to have a sister but would have been happy with a boy) "people said awww shame". And "are you disappointed? ' when ds arrived we got "oh you got your boy" (actually I just wanted another baby)

Dd2s best friend is expecting a boy and their circle is thrilled and so excited for them. Will be the first child in their friend group and he has 3 excited "aunts to be" waiting to spoil him

Boys are amazing and I utterly get your wish for10 of your ds.

I am a mum of 2 boys. I genuinely had no preference. I wouldn't change a thing. My boys are fantastic.

I have 2 close friends who have both told me that they have the perfect family of 1 boy and 1 girl without even trying to offend. People just don't think about their comments. But they also both say "boys are like this" "girls are more like this". No that is your child you are talking about, not all boys or all girls. Everyone is different regardless of their genitals

I've never understood it op.

I have four sisters, and having my DS has been a delight in contrast. He's a kind, calm, logical, happy teen. The lack of drama and spite has been a joy. I wouldn't change a thing. 😊

It’s so weird because in most cultures boys are favoured over girls and the patriarchy is alive and well so in theory boys should do better.

I think some of it is a misguided attempt at having a “mini me” - a best friend they can dress up and hang out with 🤮

Sure it causes long term harm, not good to put such emphasis on gender and gender “ideals” that’s causing a whole bucket of problems for this gen.

We call them SMOGs, smug mum
of girls. Boys are seen as the consultation prize, something to be pitied, particularly the 2nd, a situation that you sort of failed in.
it’s unkind, and it’s often women who tell you how unlucky you are.

in a way your are though, just look at the thousands of post about the hated mils, so maybe we are to be pitied

You feel sad because other people had a preference? Why, it has no baring on you? Why do you need people to tell you how good boys are?

It's always the mother of 2 girls with the 'I'm soo lucky I only have girls'

Don’t agree, I see mothers of 2 boys saying the same thing. How lucky they are to have boys, how glad they are to not have a teenage girl, how difficult girls are etc.