To think that parents should be more responsible for their children’s behaviour in public?

The poster I was responding to was walking about a 19 month old.

I have never seen a 19 month old anywhere in public not closely followed / watched by a parent.

Yep I agree.

My dad lived in France and often we'd go to the village "restaurant"... was also a cafe, attached to a bar, and shop, and place of many hardware items.

Kids would mix around and have fun... but anyone there who saw an issue would sort it out...

child near the exit, someone would distract them, child fell over, someone would dust them off, child approached something sharp/heavy/dangerous... 10 people would shout "NO", "STOP".

I work in a pharmacy and once said "no, can you put that down please" when a child picked up a glass bottle of TCP... his mum complained to my boss.

Walking around with your toddler is fine, as long as you are mindful of other people and spaces.

Some parents don't care of realise there kids running around cafes is annoying but those parents are the same ones who will kick up if there child gets scalded by the hot coffee they just ran into.

This is the first time you've suggested that you would be walking around with your toddler.

Everyone is talking about children wandering or running about on their own.

YANBU. Yesterday I was at soft play in the under 3 section with my DD 22m. A group of children who were at least 5 kept running in, throwing balls at babies and toddlers, causing chaos, whilst their parents were just standing chatting backs turned to the area, occasionally turning around to say “be good.” After a few hints to the children that “this area is for babies” I actually just had to go to parents and be fairly stern and tell them to get their children out of the area and then was shouted at by those parents, who were clearly annoyed at being called out. Some parents do not parent their children and it is the thing I find most frustrating as a parent as it’s not something I can control but it has an impact on my daughter’s safety and experiences.

If I told mine to wait at 19 months she mostly would. Or I'd distract her with something. A snack, a toy, a book. Always had distractions in the bag. Or I'd carry her, have her sat on my hip or the desk and involved in the check in process (or paying, or whatever we were doing). Or if we were both there, I or DH would do check in and the other would take her to look at something, or for a walk down the street for some fresh air.

There's no scenario where a small child needs to be wandering around a public space when it's not safe for them to do so.

People absolutely could be wandering around with hot drinks, or glasses of wine, in a hotel lobby. They are often places where people meet and relax.

Yes people are using the lobby, including me.

If I want to walk around with my toddler while my DH checks in, that is not bad behaviour.

Children have more modes than ‘restrained’ and ‘running around screaming and being disruptive’.

There's lots of entitled parenting.

We aren’t talking about running around screaming though.

We are talking about walking around. That is ‘gently and appropriately’.

A 19 month old doesn’t understand ‘you need to wait patiently until I have done X’, they are too young.

Yes children need to be taught boundaries, but insisting upon restraint in public places isn’t the way to do that IMO. A child walking around in a hotel lobby isn’t automatically misbehaving and the result of bad parenting.

@Neinneinnein

gotmychristmasmiracle
The uk is the worst for children, no one seems to have any tolerance or help for children. When I go to other countries Portugal, Spain, America they are much friendlier for children.

There's plenty of tolerance for children. There's decreasing tolerance for entitled parenting.

No honestly they are way more welcoming, in airports they have prams for children hanging up so you don't need to take your pram through, children lanes in queues. This is the norm probably so non children people don't have to put up with the children 🤣 it just makes life a little easier for parents and children. I don't really see much entitled parenting in the uk, think everyone is just trying to get through it as best they can.

You're wrong on it being reasonable for them to explore a hotel lobby while the parent is checking in.

Other people are using the lobby. People are moving bags around. Staff need to get through. It is not a safe place for a toddler to be wandering/running around.

If a child has been strapped in for several hours, they absolutely need to be able to let off steam. In an appropriate place. Hotel lobbies are not those places.

What gets me is the amount of parents who simply abandon their kids when in a shop have no idea what they are up to and leave them open to hurting themselves/wandering off/being taken.
I've worked for many years in retail and see it daily, the parents have no idea what their little darlings are up to as are often out of earshot and sight and this isn't accidental either.
Things get broken, they run around in the way of others and sometimes in the case of younger ones get distressed when they can't find mum.
Why do some parents just not give a damn!

Unsurprisingly, I have noticed that calm adults tend to have better behaved children, whilst those who are themselves loud, make themselves noticed by their behaviour are more likely to have noisy unruly kids.

If the parents think it is acceptable for them, they are not going to think their kids are doing anything wrong.

I live in a city as well. I didn't let my toddlers out of the buggy or let go of their hand in places that weren't appropriate. If we had a particularly boring day where we weren't going anywhere that they could run free then I'd make a point of taking a detour to somewhere they could.

Yeah my dc probably spent more time strapped into their buggies than they would have liked, but tough shit. The world doesn't revolve around me and my DC.

Agree OP, there’s a time and a place for running about and in a cafe is not it. As someone mentioned, from purely a safety point of view. I think a lot of parents these days are selfish and go to places they enjoy rather than considering if it’s appropriate and/or enjoyable for their children (the pub being a prime example 🙄).

That said, I have a 4 year old and she knows how to behave appropriately. Not a fecking chance I’d let her run around in a cafe like that, this is what soft play exists for. It’s not even about the uk being an unfriendly place for children, you as an adult/parent should be judging the situation and having a risk awareness and explaining in an age appropriate manner why running around isn’t suitable in some places.

If you are in a hotel lobby, waiting to check in or whatever, your toddler has been strapped into a car seat for two hours - yes I think it’s reasonable to let them explore a bit
I really don't get this. If you know your toddler is going to want to explore, then you do that, with them, gently and appropriately before you go to check in. Or you hold their hands, and you tell them that you promise you will do them right after you speak to the person if they are patient for a little longer.

Kids need to be taught boundaries from very early. They also need to learn the notion of reward after making efforts.

A hotel lobby is not a suitable place for toddlers to be wandering around randomly. They need to be holding someone's hand/with 'reins' or even sitting in a stroller/on someone's knee.

I can relate to this.
Some people's parenting styles make it harder for others.

I do agree it takes a village and all that but parents need to be realistic about where you go/what you do when you have small children.

It's unrealistic to expect a small toddler not to want to run about a bit - especially if they've been in a car for example. But you don't just let them head off and bury your face in the phone!

My Ds couldn't sit still very much so we didn't take him places where that might be expected. Lots of parents do seem to think they can continue their boozy afternoons in the pub while their kids create merry hell! Having kids means sacrifices and one of those might mean either stopping your afternoon pub visit a for a while (for example) or getting a babysitter.

And while European cultures are more child friendly in my experience all adults are more than happy to tell off other people's kids if they are misbehaving.

@MeadStMary I’m sure the parent was following them around - they’re 19 months old, you’re not going to be taking your eyes off them.

A hotel lobby isn’t a dangerous place for a toddler to be walking around with their parent - far safer than a cafe, more open and not people carrying around hot drinks etc.

I live in the middle of a big city and if I had to keep my child restrained ‘for everyone’s safety and convenience’ ie anywhere that’s not a soft play, my own house or a park - they would be spending most of their life strapped into a buggy, or we would be severely limited from leaving the house to allow them time to move around.

If I saw a 19 month old walking around a hotel lobby I wouldn’t think anything of it. Doesn’t sound automatically disruptive to me.

Parents never seem to parent these days. Children always seem to be screaming and are never told to be quiet.

It can be a bit of a catch 22. Parents should absolutely keep an eye and correct/re direct their kids behaviour.

We're quite "on it" as much as possible with our ds as he has some additional needs, so his social skills and risk awareness aren't the best. We try to keep an eye, keep him engaged, correct or distract as much as we can when out and about as this really helps minimise any disruption.

But we have had comments along the lines of "helicopter parents" or "performance parenting" a few times so yeah sometimes I feel like I can't do right for doing wrong.

If I was "letting him make mistakes" by letting him run into things or growl at people or was ignoring him while he stared at a screen, no doubt I'd get judged for that too 🤷

The thing I find difficult about this is that I wouldn't let DS run around in a café, or climb the fence and jump all over the gardening equipment on the cricket pitch (yesterday) but so many other parents do and at five that's hard for him to understand, his friends are allowed but he's not, similar with other parents turning up to school every day for pick up with large bags of Haribo. That's the village approach I need, a general consensus of what's ok. I still tell him no and he understands people have different rules and attitudes to things, but that's a big concept for a young child.