Not to invite my sister's boyfriend to my wedding

If you don’t invite him, the topic of conversation at your wedding between the guests will be all about why he’s not there. So while you might think not inviting him will mean he doesn’t hijack your wedding and make it about him, he will still be hijacking your wedding by not being there.

Would having him at the wedding ruin your wedding? If so, don't invite him. You can let people know that only family and close friends are invited to the wedding. He is your sister's boyfriend, not her husband, so he's not your brother-in-law. I think your idea of inviting him to the party is a good compromise.

I personally would not do that to my sister, even if I didn't like him, not when they had been together so long, it would be different if they'd only just got together.

If you're having a church wedding he could turn up regardless of not being invited and that might cause more issues from the picture you've painted of him. Anyone can go to a wedding in a church.

It's been 4 years. The reality is the next wedding will be theirs. If you don't invite him you loose your sister for all events in the future. There are two situations. 1. He is such an arse that you are worried for your sister and her safety and so you and your parents do what ever it takes to be as close as possible and make her safe 2. He's a bit of an arse. It's a difference in values and behaviours. You find some common ground and just accept you won't always get along. All weddings have someone who is less than ideal.If you don't invite him you risk the relationship with both your sister and your parents down the line too.

My aunt is married to a vile man but won’t leave him, we all dislike him intensely but are polite for her sake. I think families are very difficult.

Doing that would hurt your sister and cause a drama where you’ve given him a great excuse to put himself at the centre of it. Every wedding has a share of difficult guests. On the day you will barely notice him, but if you are worried he’ll do something to draw attention to himself, ask other family members to keep an eye on him.

If you love your sister you need to think strategically and be smart about this. Do not stop inviting her ( and by extension him) to anything, - keep your sister as part of the family so she knows she has a means of support and she is loved by family if she decides to leave him. if you don't invite him, it will be an excuse for him to use to alienate her from you and the family. tread carefully.

Can you dose him with laxatives at the pre-wedding meal?

You’ll wreck your relationship with your sister, and cause all the wedding talk to be about how he wasn’t invited. The whole focus will be on him.

Skip the drama and just sit him and her far away from you.

You can invite/not invite whoever you want, but do you really want to risk your relationship with your sister?

You have to tread carefully. What if they get married one day or have children and he never forgets you for not inviting him and he uses it against you having a relationship with his children etc leaving you out of birthdays and events and since your sister is so blind to see his behaviour right now, she will be by his side in these decisions too. I think you should suck it up and invite him too.

I think you need to look at it like this - one day your dsis might realise that actually he's not good to/ for her and she's going to need support with that. If you push her away now then she might not feel able to lean on you if that time comes. I would be doing all i can to tolerate him but making it clear to her that it's only for her benefit because you love her. Then you pick someone in your friend group/ wedding party to run interference and 'manage' him during the day so you don't need to deal with him at all.

I had this with my brothers wife, rude, obnoxious, crass, etc but rather than fall out with my brother I invited her and kept out of her way.

no one in the family likes her but we tolerate her being invited for my brothers sake.

Don't give the twat a reason to bully your sister and keep her away from your wedding, you'll regret that more than him being there.

To avoid damaging the relationship with my sister, I would suck it up and invite him. I really dislike my husband's best man's wife, but it was easy to avoid her at my wedding.

It's your wedding so it's up to you who to invite/not invite.

There's a chance your sister may be very upset and might not attend if you don't invite her partner so you'll have to weigh up whether it's worth the risk of that happening.

How big of a wedding are you thinking of having? You might be able to avoid dealing with him most of the day. Hopefully you'll be too busy mingling and enjoying yourself to notice his antics.

If you want your sister to ever speak to you again, I think you do, unfortunately.

Yes, I think this too. At least at your wedding there would be lots of other people there to dilute him. It would put your sister in a v difficult situation to not invite him. I’d just make sure he was sitting miles away and not in many photos.

No. You invite him. Id you sont ot will come back to bite you. You may lose your sister You will be busy on the day you wont see him

What will the fallout be?

You don’t have to invite anybody, but not inviting him could damage your relationship with your sister. Is it worth it?

You probably have to invite him. It sounds like your whole family know he’s a knob anyway. But your sister seems to like him.
Can you ignore him in the crowd?