To ask if I sound like I'm autistic?

I'm Autistic and have ADHD, some of this sounds familiar.

I had to CBT myself as a young person (not through therapy), to push myself to be social. It worked to some degree, exposure can be helpful to reduce anxiety and build resilience to stressors, but also was detrimental in others as I went extreme with it and applied those exposure principles as a blanket statement to everything and caused myself serious stress as a result!

People often wonder why I'm not 'higher up' at work and I often wonder this myself, as I have the same knowledge as others and plenty of experience but lack the competitiveness, and desire to play political games. I see managers who blag their way, but I'm very black and white about not falsifying and glossing over my own gaps, so much so that I take myself out of the running for a lot of things!

However having worked in both private and NHS mental health, special education, social care etc, this could also be significant social anxiety or sensory difficulties. Another caveat to that is, sensory difficulties/anxiety/OCD/Low mood etc are often co occurring conditions alongside autism anyway so sometimes it's hard to differentiate. A lot of overlap! Also, mindful that trauma/FASD in childhood can mimic some of the symptoms of ASC and ADHD so there is also that to consider.

You won't know unless you go for an assessment, although be wary of certain providers and do your research as some have a much higher diagnosis rate than others as they're private and it keeps people coming to them. I've seen ND teams at work and there has to be considerable and consistent evidence, often the more complex cases are pored over at MDT to try and work out whether there is ND or not

Not all neurodivergent people are the same. If you know one person with ASD you know...one person with ASD.

For example, my DD is diagnosed ASD. Struggled at secondary school, but now at college has a group of close friends who are all neurodivergent in some way and loves it, although needs a huge amount of downtime.

I am undiagnosed but very likely AuDHD. Having friends has never interested me, when I was a teen I knew I was 'supposed' to have friends, but truth is I am much happier without and I don't seek out friendships. I have my family and that's enough for me. I don't get socially anxious, I am however, fairly socially unaware and this means I can come across as bossy and confident.

We both get the alien feeling, we were both never happier than during COVID lockdown.

Do some reading, there are a lot of great books out there, so start there rather than the internet where you'll find something much conflicting information.

Id think it was social anxiety, too. I have a friend with GAD so not specifically social anxiety...but she is also socially anxious due to the GAD, and your post sounds a lot like a description of her!

Autism is strongly hereditary so the fact you have a brother w a diagnosis is significant.

Look up the autism in girls network. Autism could have been missed in your childhood since clinicians were focussed more on boys with a particular profile in the past.

Also look up situational mutism and see if it chimes.

My DH had a diagnosis in his late 40s it's made a massive difference. His evaluation was closer to £1k than £2k.

For a rough idea:

Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ) - Psychology Tools (psychology-tools.com)

I understand where you're coming from, and I want to share my experience in the hope it brings you some comfort.

I'm over 40, and back in the day, autism wasn’t a term that was widely understood or recognized. Growing up, I was always the quiet and shy one, never really fitting in. To this day, I am exactly the same. I’ve learned that it's crucial to find your people the---- ones who accept you and stick with them. You don’t need a large group of friends; sometimes, one good friend is enough.

At work, people often think I’m distant or uninterested because I don’t engage much. The truth is, I’m just socially awkward, and that’s okay. What really matters is that I get my job done, and I focus when I need to. After work, I retreat to my safe space, where I spend time with my small family and my dog, and focus on the things that bring me peace.

It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of self-doubt and frustration, but trust me when I say that it's okay to feel the way you do. The fact that you're still struggling with things from childhood isn’t a reflection of failure—it's part of who you are, and there’s nothing wrong with that. You may not have the energy to engage with people at work or make friends easily, but that doesn't mean you're less valuable or capable.

Keep focusing on the things that bring you comfort, and don't be too hard on yourself for not fitting the mold. You're doing the best you can, and that's enough.

If you think ASD is a possibility, then go over it with your GP and get an assessment.

But ASD is a lot more than social anxiety, or not understanding other people. There is a 'triad' of impairment. Have a Google and see it it fits.

@dizzydizzydizzy My daughter (20) has recently been diagnosed with ASD. She's hyper aware of her body language and facial expressions, as well as hiding the things that she'd normally do naturally that others see as weird.

She will rehearse over and over the "right response" to certain situations ahead of time and has set routines for meeting people. It includes things like counting the seconds of looking at their eyes, holding a handshake, mirroring their actions etc. She can mask very convincingly for short periods of time.

People have remarked at how confident and articulate she appears, but that's not her true self. Maintaining the mask is extremely mentally exhausting for her, even with friends she knows very well. An hour or two with friends and she will come home and sleep for hours. There are days when it's just too much for her to see anyone.

She's studying at university at the moment. If she has too much social activities required of her, it becomes intolerable for her and she either drops the mask, has to leave the situation or is so overwhelmed she has a meltdown. Everyday she has to balance her social activities and time spent in challenging environments that trigger sensitivities, to try to avoid the point where she is completely burnt out.

You definitely aren't alone!!

Bit of a generalisation there.

Yes. I think autism is a possibility.

I'm autistic (diagnosed in my 50s!) and worry constantly about my body language and facial expressions too. I've never actually heard of anyone else doing that, so it is nice to know it is not just me .

Ask for your GP for a diagnosis. It's worth it.

The OP also describes me and I wasn’t interested in any of those things; I stayed at home and read and did not feel like I was missing out. I didn’t attend my prom and I also had a wedding with immediate family only!

I never answered questions in class at school and was always told I was too quiet, and I’m the same as an adult in social situations where there’s a group of people. I struggled with work but am now happier as a SAHM. I have no friends and don’t care.

I wonder if there’s more to it than social anxiety. Over the past year I’ve started to wonder about ADHD as discussions on that describe me in so many ways.

I should add I just got on and struggled (socially) through school with it, I’m mid 40s and there was less awareness back then. So I’ve never been referred.

That is completely wrong.

Some people with ASD wouldn’t be interested in that. Some would be. Some might be depending on the day / activity. Some would be interested but not know how to cope with it.

Look into RTC clinical partners we s is a good one. Print if a form from website take to GO and ask for a referral take about 5/6 months from referral. It's paid for by the NHS this is England only though. You do sound very likely to be autistic.

It's really doesn't.

There are two main parts to an autism diagnosis, the social communication side which includes conversational skills, non verbal communication and differences in friendships. Then there is the behaviour side which includes stereotyped behaviour such as repeating words and phrases, collecting items, lining things up, hand and body mannerisms. Routines and reactions to change. Intense interests and sensory seeking or sensory aversive behaviour. From your description you are describing difficulties in the first part but not the second part so based on the amount of info you have given I would say it doesn't sound like autism. You would also have to show evidence of diffculties in your childhood as autism is a life long condition. There is a good website called Embrace autism though which has more info on autism and lots of tests you can take which may help you learn more about the condition and make it clear if an assessment would help. If you did decide to have an assessment it can be done free on the NHS but you may be waiting 2-3 years for an appointment. The average cost is about £2000 (£850 is about average for an ADHD assessment ).

Read the book called Quiet. Find a very good therapist to talk to. Get a diagnosis if necessary, take a deep breath. You have done well so far, the hard bit is over, the rest will fall into place.

OP you are me!!!!! I’ve never read anything like it, my jaw hit the floor. I know in my soul I am autistic. Thank you for articulating your post.

I am similar or at least was at work ( now work for myself, so much happier)
I was able to make a few good friends at work, but often just didn’t speak in group situations ot meetings. It feels weird looking back that I was like that for 15 odd years. Things changed when I had my Dd and with age, I just don’t care as much what people think. I was incredibly self conscious and lacking in confidence at work. I don’t know if I’d be like that again if I went back in that environment. I do still wonder if it’s autism rather than just social anxiety though. I also used to get very upset by the gossiping and politics in the workplace, I just couldn’t cope with it, whereas it seemed like everyone else could

Oh, for God’s sake. Now it’s supposed to be a sign of neurodivergence if you don’t go around talking about makeup and clothes?!

I have ADHD, but my friends in high school were all neurotypical and none of them gave a damn about makeup or clothes. As for parties, pubs and clubs, a lot of people aren’t hugely into those just because they’re introverted.

I’m not seeing autism here, going by what you’ve said. It seems like social anxiety.

This sounds like me!!
I was diagnosed last year aged 42 with ADHD and the Dr strongly advised me to get a referral for an asd assessment (she only specialised in ADHD)
I was diagnosed for years as having depression and anxiety which I do believe I have (not currently depressed) but all that comes with years of masking ADHD and having to form my own coping strategies.
I knew as well that I felt different to others and especially in social situations which I hated, I didn't know how to act. Looking back now, I can see that I mirrored others alot and used alcohol in a negative way to get completely drunk so I felt less awkward.
I was extremely shy at school and lacked self confidence. All those things are true of someone with ADHD.
Maybe see your GP and exclaim how you're feeling and they will put you in touch with a mental health nurse. That will start a process of putting you on the correct pathway to whatever it is going on. I'm not am expert of course so I'm only sharing my own experience with you which sounds similar. But just having some validation has helped me. There's also opportunity for medication if there is adhd in the mix.
Good luck with it all 🙏🏼

Everyone is different so some of these comments I dont agree with.

My dd is autistic. She goes to clubs and bars and theatre and cinema. She copes
Fine. It wears her out but she wants to do it.

She is highly creative

She has social anxiety with new people but if she has a safe person with her she is fine

As a child she never Lined stuff Up etc

She was very
Knowledgeable in her interests ie dinosaurs as a very young child.

She had huge tantrums
She never Napped

She suffers
From stomach pains if stressed

She enjoys fashion and make up

You will have your own struggles. Maybe noises. Fabrics. Textures maybe is travelling. Maybe eating out. Phobias
Only you will know

However I'd say it's worth getting an opinion