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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think all men are like Diddy?

79 replies

Justcurioushere · 21/09/2024 18:03

With the recent (and not so recent) news surrounding Diddy, I can’t help but reflect on how his behaviour epitomises a troubling pattern I see in some men: selfishness, drama, and a complete lack of accountability (to put it lightly). It makes me wonder if this is a common attitude among men.

AIBU to think that many men, like Diddy, prioritise their own desires over the wellbeing of others? Is this something we should be more critical of, or is it just an unfortunate stereotype?

OP posts:
OhmygodDont · 21/09/2024 19:31

SpidersAreShitheads · 21/09/2024 18:39

Sometimes I do wonder about what would happen if you put any man in a position of significant power, control, and influence.

I don’t believe that all men would be corrupted by it, but I think an uncomfortable proportion would be. I think there is certainly some who would take full advantage and engage in predatory behaviour. More than we probably like to think.

There are wealthy and powerful women in this world but usually the worst that ever comes out is that they’re “a bitch”. There just doesn’t seem to be the same drive for them to become a sexual predator.

In all honesty though, it’s nothing that’s new - certainly not all men, but more than you’d like to think.

I think a lot of people regardless of gender would.

Just look at women feeling held back at work with women bosses or managers who don’t seem to want another women come up.

Look at say Madonna with her v v young partners. You can’t say they are genuinely attracted to a v v old women pumped full of plastics. It’s a power balance. She’s using them to feel young and ditched them once no longer her thing. Or they leave when hey realise it’s not going to go anywhere other than her ego. She is the female caprio.

cuckooooooo · 21/09/2024 19:17

No not all men are committed sexual predators! There are a lot and it's awful so many people have been victim to it but please don't tar every man with the same brush. It's unfair.

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 21/09/2024 19:17

All men?

Of course YABU

MissSkegness1951 · 21/09/2024 19:16

What horrors were inflicted on young Bieber?

This tale is all too familiar in Hollywood.

The African American/ P Diddy being hung out to dry after being encouraged to behave like this by the 'producers' who really run the degenerate music industry.

Coincidence ? -

Kevin Liles stepping down.
Randy Goodman retiring.
Kaz Kobayashi quits.

All bigwigs at Sony and Warner music.

The shit has hit the fan.

EnthENd · 21/09/2024 19:10

There have been enough stories now that I have a rule to tell if a rich and powerful man is a sexual abuser.

Are they rich?

Are they powerful?

If yes to both, then they are a sexual abuser. Truly feels like that would be almost always right.

MintyNew · 21/09/2024 19:10

TrishM80 · 21/09/2024 18:14

No, I don't think all men are like P fucking Diddy!

This. Sorry that you have had many experiences of men like this, or surrounded by men like this. Really disgusting to think that you would generalise like this.

poppyzbrite4 · 21/09/2024 19:06

French feminists are calling it "the banality of male violence" which sums it up, it's become background noise.

Unfortunately it's not just these predators who are the problem, it's society. The law doesn't punish their behaviour when it's relatively minor and it escalates and gets worse.

Many men feel infallible because there are no consequences for their behaviour and they are excused with "boys will be boys".

In the case of prolific sexual predators like Savile, Weinstein, Diddy, Kelly, Epstein, Al Fayed et al everyone knew what they were doing but no one spoke out or tried to stop them.

The survivors knew they wouldn't be believed and the perpetrators thought they were above the law, because of wealth and status.

In order to prevent VAWAG no one should be above the law and we must use the law to punish any deviant sexual behaviour. I would also argue for prosecution in the case of people who knowingly collude with the perpetrator.

MouseMama · 21/09/2024 19:02

On the one hand, obviously no, not all men are like this.

On the other hand, far too many men are like this. I have been horrified by the Gisele Pelicot rape trial that at least 80 men living in the area surrounding a small village in rural France wanted to participate in the rape of an unconscious woman - particularly a grandmother.

HavingABitOfAMare · 21/09/2024 18:57

GingerPirate · 21/09/2024 18:47

In a nutshell, yes.
Glad I don't have to get involved with men anyhow,
anymore.
Hugely overrated.
Full stop.

In what way is your husband like P Diddy?

GingerPirate · 21/09/2024 18:47

In a nutshell, yes.
Glad I don't have to get involved with men anyhow,
anymore.
Hugely overrated.
Full stop.

lololulu · 21/09/2024 18:43

To answer your first question no.
To answer your second question yes.

Phase2 · 21/09/2024 18:42

I think given the opportunity and means men would be even more of a danger to women and children then they are tbh.
Al Fayed, Saville, the constant death and harm to women from intimate partner violence - yes yes women do it too, yes yes NAMALT yawn but Greer got it right.

“Women have very little idea of how much men hate them": Germaine Greer.

As did Atwood Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them ( generally accepted shorted version)

SpidersAreShitheads · 21/09/2024 18:39

Sometimes I do wonder about what would happen if you put any man in a position of significant power, control, and influence.

I don’t believe that all men would be corrupted by it, but I think an uncomfortable proportion would be. I think there is certainly some who would take full advantage and engage in predatory behaviour. More than we probably like to think.

There are wealthy and powerful women in this world but usually the worst that ever comes out is that they’re “a bitch”. There just doesn’t seem to be the same drive for them to become a sexual predator.

In all honesty though, it’s nothing that’s new - certainly not all men, but more than you’d like to think.

Isseywith3witchycats · 21/09/2024 18:34

Blimey of course most normal ordinary men are not like P Diddy, yes in the entertainment business there will be a higher percentage of narcisists with in their eyes easy access to sex

TurtlesDoNotPetsMake · 21/09/2024 18:32

Far too many wish they had those opportunities,even more if they thought they could get away with it.

JanglingJack · 21/09/2024 18:31

Crikey you are Abu.

He's a monster.

The fallout is still coming.

I do feel so sorry for the famous once then teenage boy abused. It's already been implied. It will all come out.
I feel sorry for all of his victims.

To think all men would do this? Absolutely not!

@Justcurioushere Would all women be West or Hindley if they could? Your thoughts?

BeerForMyHorses · 21/09/2024 18:28

Erm what ?

No. Of course the majority of men are not like PDiddy.

He is an abusive, sex trafficking, groomer. Not all men are like this at all.

HavingABitOfAMare · 21/09/2024 18:23

llamali · 21/09/2024 18:05

"all" or "some"/"many" which one is it OP?

That confused the fuck out of me too 😳

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 21/09/2024 18:18

Sadly I think yes. It's a compounding of issues though. Yes men are selfish and self serving; twas ever thus. In the past there were religious and social barriers preventing men from having unfettered access to women. These no longer exist and sadly there is no shortage of women willing to prance about on Onlyfans and Tinder and shag even the worst of men. Religious and social barriers, or even the deterrent of strict parents, doesn't exist any more. Even being shamed as a pervert/indecent person amongst your peers is irrelevant; no real life exclusion for you as online societies encourage and support even the most depraved behaviour. So yes far from setting up an equal society women are screwed in ways they wouldn't have even comprehended before. And good luck finding a man that isn't in any way influenced by his "right" to find some willing bitch that will suck his cock whilst being rammed up the arse. Good luck finding a man that without any outside moral social or religious influence will clean the family toilet instead of looking at OnlyFans for the night. Good luck with that.

SonicTheHodgeheg · 21/09/2024 18:15

AIBU to think that many men, like Diddy, prioritise their own desires over the wellbeing of others? Is this something we should be more critical of, or is it just an unfortunate stereotype?

I think yanbu to the first question and yabu to the second - most women are critical of selfish behaviour unless they are married to the man in which case they frequently develop blindness to it. (You see this on the relationship forum where they defend behaviour that is very selfish)

You title is right to an extent. Many men use tactics like violence and fear to get their way but not all men do.

fantasycake · 21/09/2024 18:15

Personally, I suspect that Hollywood and the music biz attract men who are narcs and get to the top precisely because they crave power, are super confident and are willing to tread over anyone they like to get it.

Obv I am not saying everyone in those industries are like that but I suspect a very large proportion of those right at the very top have a boat load of narcissistic traits that have actually helped them get there in the first place.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 21/09/2024 18:15

TrishM80 · 21/09/2024 18:14

No, I don't think all men are like P fucking Diddy!

Well this.

TrishM80 · 21/09/2024 18:14

No, I don't think all men are like P fucking Diddy!

ginasevern · 21/09/2024 18:14

Do you mean that it's nearly always men who are sexual predators, who put themselves first even before their own children, who think first and foremost with their dicks no matter what damage it causes to those that love them? Welcome to planet earth OP - where have you been?

Simonjt · 21/09/2024 18:10

I mean I don’t have 1,000 bottles of lube in the cupboard.

Being selfish, self centered etc isn’t comparable to being a sex trafficker and to suggest it is hugely deminishes the experiences of victims.