Do people expect ROI after paying private school fees?

No, we don’t. Children spend a lot of time at school and we want our children to spend it in the environment that we think suits them the best. For us, small classes with large grounds, lots of enrichment activities and a real focus on pastoral care is best for us. We didn’t find nearly the same in any of our local state schools, they all seemed chaotic and the state preschool we started at involved a lot of disruption and being hurt by other children.

I immediately thought of him when I read the thread.

Even before that I know people whose parents expected a ROI and those who didn't. The former are pissed off with what their children achieved even though at least one of those adults is impressive in their career area.

I think there’s also lot of selfishness in sending my kids private. I do feel like I am doing my best for them and have less worries about quality of education and environment. But it’s more about my worries than the reality of alternative options.

My DD just started at Nottingham and says its full of Private school kids from Surrey!!
She is doing a course and hopes to do quite a niche thing that she has been passionate about since she was about 10, its unlikely to make her rich though.
We are still happy we forked out for Private though as our State Secondary option isn't good academically and in other ways

Isn’t ‘ROI’ (gross terminology to apply to a person by the way) just that they emerge happy, healthy and doing a job or pursuing a career that they love?

Good luck to them if that’s what they think! My husband and I both went to private schools and that definitely wasn’t our experience. Many of the people we went to school with have gone on to have very ordinary careers - a lot of them dropped out of uni or have degrees from lower tier universities. Money can’t buy intelligence, the results your child will achieve will only be, at most, marginally better than they would be at state school - private schools only have better published results because they prevent the kids who are unlikely to get a good pass from sitting the exam in the first place.

For me, the best reasons to send your child to private school are to challenge them if they are very able, or to provide better support if they have additional needs - neither of these things are well catered for in the state sector.

If your child is average, save your money.

My child is likely ND (awaiting assessment). He attends a small, nurturing prep with lots of pastoral support. He has some lovely reciprocal friendships, is accepted for who he is, and gets the support he needs. This is everything to us.

Sent too soon

they Re not super rich and it was often a struggle for some of them. Seems a big waste of money to me. But I would never ask!

I often wonder about this. I have friends who spent £££ sending their DC private from age 4 up, and they have ended up at Nottingham or Lancaster or Birmingham. Excellent unis, don’t get me wrong, but also absolutely packed to the rafters with state school children. I wonder if they ever think ‘we’d have been better off buying them a house’

Yabu to expect ROI. Friend of my husband went to private school but chose a low paid vocational career (think along the lines of social worker) and his parents were/are annoyed about the ‘waste’ of private school.

Children don’t owe us anything and they should have free will over how to live their lives without expectation. If people choose to pay for private school they should do so knowing there’s a ‘risk’ that it won’t necessary lead to the high-flying career/earning potential that they may envisage for their kids. They certainly shouldn’t guilt trip that they wasted money on private school. It’s the parents’ choice to send them there (maybe there is the odd instance of a child begging to be sent private where it was otherwise not the plan, but those will be rare!).

I think the problem with sending them private can be that yes its worth it for certsin kkds whether thats sen or really bright or not working hard enough. For their sibling it might literally be a waste of money.

Didn't Gary Lineker try suing his kids' private school because they got poor results?

We send our children to private schools mainly to keep them away from badly behaved state school children. As long as they are happy I don't care what job they do. In fact, I would encourage them not to do some of those high stressed job you mentioned unless they had a particular passion to. Life is too short to be stressed if you don't need.to be.

Wow, what a crushing burden they placed on their child to succeed at all costs.

I cannot imagine the weight of responsibility they must have felt and still must feel to be 'perfect' and successful.

..A life lived for the parents and not themselves i'd imagine.

Of course we want them to take advantage of their privilege and opportunities. And to be honest I’d be a bit disappointed if all my dc aspired to be was an ‘influencer’🤨
But I would be more than happy with anything that keeps them busy and useful to society. It does need to pay the bills I’d hope but it doesn’t need to be big bucks!

My two have that after attending state comps. And they fully understand their own privilege, which is priceless.

There will be some with that view. I, personally, just want my child in a smaller school where her intelligence will be nurtured, her ND traits will be accommodated, and where she can get involved in multiple activities and try new things that I would not be able to provide otherwise.

I hope she makes the most of the opportunity she’s been given, but there are never any guarantees. She’s been told that if she wants to life the lifestyle she has now, she needs to pick a well paid job. I’ve also said that it’s best to have a job not tied to one country, as things are increasingly unstable and so it’s good to be able to move. But I’d tell her that in state school too, so it’s not a question of ROI, just of making sensible choices.

For us it was about increasing the chances
(note no guarantee) of producing well-rounded children, maximising academic success and increasing the likelihood of them enjoying their school experience. So far so good I’d say. The self-confidence and high expectations my children set for themselves are priceless. Whatever they select to do in life, they will be better equipped for. Given the choice again I would not have any doubt about paying the fees.

My parents sacrificed a lot to send me and my DB to private school in the 80s/90s. Dad was in the Army and they worked abroad so not a lot of choice at that time. But it was a financial sacrifice.

DB was expelled at 16, didn't go to uni and now in our 40s he has a steady but low paid job he could have got without our parents' financial sacrifice. I went to a very good university and am a lawyer. Our parents definitely feel that "it wasn't worth it" at least 50%. I'm a parent myself and my children have been both privately and state educated. I just want them to end up happy. I don't care what they achieve financially or status-wise. But I can see my parents' point of view too.

I went to private school, I knew what I wanted to do and didn’t need to go to uni but parents were so insistent that I went that I did. I dropped out and have worked in the public sector ever since in a job I love for not very much money. My parents always had aspirations for me to be a lawyer etc, they had no interest in me doing what I’m good at or what I wanted to do! I really felt a massive sense of disappointment from them and like they had wasted their money. It waste for me at all- you get so much more from private school than exam results, it just so happened that the things I enjoyed weren’t things my parents cared about.
If you send your kids to private school, don’t do it to satisfy your own aspirations for them, or to live vicariously through them.

Unfortunately a lot of them do. My parents were upset when I was considering being a teacher after graduation. I ended up working/singing in bars for 10 years and meeting someone who they felt was highly unsuitable (they didn't speak to me for 2 years). I now have a fairly decent job at a University and have married my 'unsuitable boyfriend' - we've been together for 20 years and have 2 kids... my parents have chilled out now and even moved closer to us so they could see the grandkids more (oh and they love my full-time-musician-husband because he is a fantastic partner and Dad and our family is thriving). But growing up with emotionally detatched parents with high expectations isnt optimal; obviously I'm very fortunate to have grown up in a household with money and to have had my education invested in, but I'd be lying if I said total rejection by my parents wasn't very painful at the time. I truly felt they would never love or accept me unless I was financially successful and married to someone that they approved of; I was incredibly conflicted for much of my 20s as that didn't align with my values.

No. My eldest goes to a private school because she was bullied in primary and I felt she needed a small school where she wouldn’t be either lost in the crowd or heavily influenced by the ‘wrong’ crowd. I needed teachers to keep an eye on her as she’s also prone to coasting. I wanted her to have loads of opportunities to do the things she loves: acting, singing, performing. At the end of it all she can do whatever she wants to do as long as she’s done her best and been happy. My younger ones will hopefully go to grammar but they’re in prep now. I sent them because I wanted them to have a small school and because I wanted to give them the best educational opportunities available, pushing them towards grammar, yes, but not because I primarily want grades but because I want them to be erudite and love learning for the sake of it. Again, at the end, they can be whatever they want to be!

Friend of mine went to Eton, got 2 E’s at A level. Is a ‘photographer’. I don’t know anyone who went to private school who has a career any different or high earning from those who went to state. I do think if parents make sacrifices just for a private education then I can understand being frustrated if their children drop out or get into less successful careers but for those who have loads of money I can’t see them being that bothered as it’s affordable.

We do it give our child the opportunity to become the best adult she can be. That means academic achievement to the best of her ability, but also emotional intelligence, working with people from diverse backgrounds, etc. I hope that includes a well- enough paid career for her to be comfortable but it is broader than that.

I'd be disappointed wherever she went to school if she became an influencer.