Positive HPV smear…cheating husband?

Your dh has definitely cheated. It would’ve come up in a previous test if you have been testing for 30 years.

You lost your virginity to him but did he lose it to you? It can be dormant in the body for decades

It’s such a common virus that almost everyone is exposed at some point. When I was a teenager I was told there was no point having the vaccine as I’d had sex once and that was enough to have already been exposed

You may or may not have a new infection due to your partner cheating.

You do know he was lining at least one woman up to cheat.

Almost every single poster on here who, with kids in the mix, says they'be been cheated on/left etc. will say that there was some cheating or attempted cheating or disloyal behaviour etc etc in the past, followed by phrases like 'though we'd worked through it/got through it".

The "we" there is generally a fallacy.
"We" got through nothing .... He tried to cheat, she let it go, he thought secretly "phew, got away with that, she's a soft touch/doormat/won't walk easily or at all".

They haven't changed their character (who does) or values.

I'd be extremely wary about having kids with someone you caught lining up to cheat on you.

Yes this! My attitude before reading this as I HATE smears and was coerced by the practice nurse into having my last one.

I had decided that as have not been sexually active for years now, no need to bother with anymore as they are only searching for HPV. I had no idea it could be dormant and reappear. I thought you either had it, and it showed up, or you newly caught it from a sexual partner.

OP you have done a good thing with this thread.

Now I realise I have to continue having the horrible things till perpetuity😩

I had a positive for cin3 years after I had last been with a partner. It can lie dormant for up to 3 years. I had put it off for 2 years. So I'm lucky I went when I did.

With the new smear test a high number of woman are now testing positive for hpv, they say it can lie dormant for decades, and can be transmitted orally, even via sharing cigarettes etc. I am sure there was a study on under 16 virgins and many tested positive.

Trust me - personal experience - there are other ways of getting it. I was a virgin with no sexual contact!

I didn't even know there was a test for HPV other than through PAP. I think it's the sort of thing that people can have for ages and not know.

Essentially if you've had unprotected sex before the time the vaccination came out, ie you're older then I think it's extremely likely to have or have had some type of strain.

It doesn't necessarily mean your partner cheated. It could mean they had HPV or that you had it for ages, but if you never had a wart for example, you wouldn't know as they never used to have a test for it specifically or you wouldn't seek one if no symptoms.

The cancer ones and wart ones are different. But some strain have no symptoms or some people never show any symptoms.

I had the HPV virus (genital warts) when I was 16 and a virgin. At the time medical science said I had to have sex. I hadn't. Two friends got it afterwards and there had been no physical contact. When I had my last smear they were very clear that HPV does not have to be sexually transmitted.

I had a smear with HOV present in 2017 and had been with DH for five years at that point. If you read up it can lie dormant for ages - it didn’t even enter my head about cheating, I just assumed one of us had picked it up from a previous relationship. I’d be a bit more suspicious though if (1) you’d both lost your virginity to each other (not sure if that’s the case?) and (2) with your update about the last few years. But the HPV alone wouldn’t worry me.

FYI I had a colposcopy and a LLETZ and no issues since and I’ve had 2 babies. It’s a horrible time but touch wood no issues in nearly 8 years so I’m sure it’ll be fine :)

@BananaHamock There's a lot going on here. I will let other posters advise you on the emotional / marriage side of things. I just wanted to let you know that I had a colposcopy and then surgery to remove pre-cancerous cells. I was in and out in the same day, slight bleeding like a light period for a few days and that was the end of it. This was 30 yrs ago. I have never had a bad smear since. The surgeon who treated me said that his theory was that once that top layer of cells were removed, for some reason you are even less likely to have a repeat problem but that he didn't have enough concrete data to write it up as a theory.

Anyway, what I want you to know is that you'll be ok. If it needs treating you will come out the other side of it just fine and in time, be able to have children without it affecting that.

Good luck with the other stuff.

@lanthanum How do you think people catch it?

It's only through sexual contact but that doesn't have to include penetrative sex.

https://www.jostrust.org.uk/information/hpv/how-do-people-get-hpv

Jo's Trust is a brilliant source of info.

All my tests have been clear until my last one.
My last smear test was 6 months ago and I was positive as well.
I've been single 9 and a half years.

Hmm, well, I'm sure people are right about the possibility for dormancy, but personally I only know of 2 people in real life who have had abnormal cell changes detected on smears after years and years of normal ones while in a stable relationship, and in both cases it turned out there had been a cheating partner. So if it happened to me I would have a high index of suspicion tbh, particularly if there were other reasons to be suspicious.

As others have said a positive HPV test is absolutely in no way proof that your dh has cheated - he may have picked it up with a previous partner and it can stay dormant for years & years and loads & loads of people carry it. Did they not explain this to you when they gave you the result? That’s pretty shocking.

I haven't read all of the messages, but smears have only recently changed to being checked for HPV first. Previously they checked for cell changes first. So as long as the cells hadn't changed, an active HPV infection may not have been picked up.

But, as others have said, it can stay dormant in your system and is NOT by any means a sign he's cheated.

All else being equal if this is the only thing to have brought to your attention that your husband might be cheating then he's most likely not cheating.

When did you last have a smear test?

They changed the process for it a few years ago. They didn’t used to check for HPV but immediately checked for abnormal cells. So I don’t think people were previously told they were HPV positive.

They now test everyone for HPV and only those who are positive then have their cells checked for abnormalities.

My understanding is that most people who have been sexually active have it, and it comes and goes. It showed up in one of my smears, so I had to go back for another one 3 months later, and it had gone again. It's not an indicator of someone cheating. The 'old-style' smears weren't looking for HPV, it a relatively new thing, which why you may not have known you had it before.

primary HPV testing has only been nationwide for a year or two, introduced piecemeal in various areas before that so no, you could have had it and not tested for. 80% of sexually active people have it. Did he have a partner before you?

They do need to make it clearer that HPV infection is not always via sex. The impression given is that it is always sexually transmitted, and it's quite hard (but not impossible) to locate anything which contradicts this. If people believe that it is only sexually transmitted, then many women who are not sexually active will stop going for smears, now that they are only looking for HPV.

No, be careful with this thinking.

Never had penetrative intercourse.

HPV positive April 23 notably the only current thing was a 4 week stay in hospital and I hadn’t been active with anyone since 2021
12 monthly smear later
No hpv back to 3 yearly smears and I’m past the age of any vaccine.

I’m left so glad I didn’t say anything to the male in and out / on off my life since 2019.
I’m sure the doctors would want to claim my obesity plays a factor in acquiring cancer, very hard when you’ve lost 4 stone 🤷🏻‍♀️ but nonetheless it is what they like to trot out despite not listening.

I had regular smears, all clear. Then positive result after no sex for 5 years. I was convinced they had it wrong, but the doctor insisted it was correct as the new method was totally reliable at checking hpv. I got the whole dormant yada yada stuff.
I had used a tampon the morning of the smear test as I was just coming off and didn’t want to miss another appointment, I think this had something to do with it.
I checked in with a private practice after a week of this “positive result” and that one came back negative.
I had one done after 6months with an nhs hospital due to the “positive result” and that came back negative. But was ofcourse told it had cleared up. Rubbish.
Norhing is full proof

Not sure why that’s funny. Of why you’re even asking op. You know he’s a cheat and that’s why it’s showed up. I’m sorry but deep down you know.