Loud parenting and grandparenting that goes on and on...

There is a happy medium, which the majority of people seem to intuitively understand and practice.

Neither of the extremes is good for the child.

Some people just can't bear not to be the life and soul of the party, and if a small child is minding his own business and not showing any inclination to provide the party they crave, they won't let up until they make the party happen.

Interactions with children have to be on their terms; it's the opposite of loving attention to the child, actually, despite how it looks on the surface.

had one on the bus today - 20+ minutes of hell
v loud volume "one car, two cars, three cars" all the time looking round to ensure that everyone was appreciating the running commentary😬

I was on a boat on a lake in Eastern Europe this summer with 4 Americans of this extremely loud performative type and one 2 year old child. I wasn't sure whether to feel sorrier for myself or the child. It was fucking exhausting and pretty much ruined what was in fact a very expensive trip. There was much side-eyeing amongst most of the passengers and I think the same (can we throw these clowns over board and save the child?) thoughts running through our heads.

You are right - it is not. It is very damaging.

There is such a thing as a messed up child, adolescent, or adult whose parents or grandparents have made far too much of everything he or she has said or done.

"The Too Precious Child", by Berman, Rose, and Williams, explores the effects of this ultimately adult-centered style of parenting and adult involvement in children's lives, which you call "happy loud times". It's not the good news you think it is for those children currently being treated as if they are performing ponies.

You can hear everything though in a garden. If they could be heard through the wall, that's different.

Er no.People who are in social setting, or live close to others, it’s not necessary to take over that environment, by shouting at the top of their voices, to their children, grandchildren
I’m a parent, l get though, not everyone wants to hear it.It’s different hearing children play, but when the parents are louder than the children, then, it’s just over the top.
You turning it around as a 'you’ problem, maybe it’s because you’re one of those parents, that thinks, everything revolves around your child.

I get this, my next door neighbours are lovely and have 3 DG now. The one daughter is the mother of one said child and is the loudest, shrillest performance parenter ever. It drives me insane. She winds up all 3 kids, two are her niece/nephew.

I WFH and regularly have to close the windows as she is so loud-they are in the back garden though and my office is at the other end of the house 😳

They all descend en masse every Sunday as well and throughout the summer have honestly ruined a Sunday afternoon/evening in my garden as I can’t stand the noise. Even my DD7 comments as to how loud they are.

If I didn’t like my neighbours so much I would have to say something 😫

It 's the excessiveness of it all though. Many of my friends are now grandparents and are guilty of this . It is cringe inducing if I happen to be around. But I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings .
It's the same principle as performance parenting. Surely people realise that nobody cares or admires your child as much as you. Delusional to think otherwise.

I know exactly what you mean, my in laws do this and it drives me crazy. They’re all so loud screaming & cheering everything my DDs do, they narrate absolutely everything that happens (e.g. each toy they pick up - what colour is that? what shape is that? Where is this colour toy? etc) and won’t leave them to play at all so we can have 5 minutes of adult conversation. I’m exhausted by the end of visits and my kids ridiculously overexcited. My family on the other hand will play for a bit and engage if they bring any toys/books over to them but the visit doesn’t revolve around them in the same way.

I sometimes worry we do this and people might think we are a bit OTT/ cringe. But then I think you know what we aren't 'faking' we just genuinely get a lot of joy from our child and give them a lot of attention.
If the alternative is giving less effort because your worried people might judge you that's a bit sad especially in your own bloody garden!

Try sitting in the quiet carriage, it's not a library. Or put ear phones in.

I flat out yelled at parents in The Lion King, didn't realise it was half term and I'd paid a lot for those tickets 😂

Yanbu.
Turn on a radio or music to match their level of racket.
Explain to them if they ask that you have zero interest in listening to their boring as hell cheerleading of little mary/johnny 🙄

Like I say we are not all perfect parents to be honest some days it feels like going through the motions and other days you can get a good interaction going, it doesn't make us bad parents it is just life, try to have some fun and laugh or at least smile every day if you can

lol

@johnd2

The advice is to talk with the child, not 'at' or 'to' the child, constantly, loudly, and with no regard for other lessons that are important to impart, such as appropriate volume in a restaurant, church, supermarket, or other setting.

A relative of mine does this to his two sons. At Christmas we were invited to their family party, we were all playing one of the kids' games and this dad was praising his sons to the skies every time they answered a question. Oh you're so clever. Oh that's such a good drawing. Oh you're the cleverest person in the room.
The sons are 28 and 30. I am not joking!
Both responsible adults, been to university, have both left home.

YANBU.

People do it because they don't spend enough time with the children and they think volume and intensity will make up for lack of time. If they were there day in and day out they'd tone it down because that level of constant, loud, making-their-presence-felt shrieking would be exhausting.

About the end of October our local garden centre opens up their wonderful Christmas shop. When I visit I go full ninja, go in as soon as they open, buy what I've gone for then out of there asap.

If not I have to suffer the annual show from performing parents and /or grandparents, "Who is that Jude? (shows child book/ornament/soft toy) "Yes!!!! It is Father Christmas" "YAY clever boy". "And what colour is his coat?" " That's right my darling IT IS red" Cue round of applause.

I do so much eye rolling, I look possessed🙄

Went out for a rare family treat of cooked breakfast, in a nice country cafe on a weekend.

Two sets of grandparents, the parents and toddler, in a table to the left of us. The two sets of grandparents went in for some excessive competitive nursery rhyme singing to the child. And didn’t seem to realise how damn intrusive it was, to everyone else.

Pretty much ruined our treat. I wasn’t impressed.

There is need to be so obtrusively loud with effusive praise, though.

My neighbours have a bright 3 yr old and a baby, and they don't do this loud ''performance parenting''.

I hear the dad singing to his kids sometimes, in a baritone, and it's lovely. {He doesn't know I can hear}

A normal conversational tone is fine.

Toddlers screaming - This seems to be a much more recent thing.

One screamed today and it was like a steam whistle of an express train.

Hideous. It physically hurts ears of those around.