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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect other women not to hold door to ladies changing area open?

217 replies

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 12:40

I take my DD(3) to a toddler swim class on a Saturday morning. It's usually a mixture of mums and dads in the pool, separate changing areas obviously. However the changing areas open directly into the corridor where other parents (the non swimming parent) tend to congregate and wait. DD's class is mostly dads with just me and one other mum, so just me and her in the changing area after the class today. I'd already removed my costume under my towel and was drying myself off, obviously naked under a towel, chatting to DD. Next thing, the other mum opens the door (her costume still on) to have a conversation with her male partner who was waiting in the corridor whilst I'm standing feet away under my towel naked. I wasn't directly in his line of vision of had she opened the door any wider, I would have been (hard to explain without a picture of the set up). It was only a matter of a minute or so, she was from what I could gather trying to get her toddler to go with dad so she could change by herself.

AIBU to have been annoyed about this? Surely if you want to have a conversation with your partner and you're in a ladies changing area, with another woman who you can see is mid getting changed, go out into the corridor instead?? It just felt like an invasion of my privacy, I'd never have opened the door to casually chat to my DH outside the door of a changing area if another woman was changing.

OP posts:
swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 13:41

For the second time. IF she had kept it open any longer I'd have definitely said "can you please close the door". That prompt wasn't necessary because she closed it before I reached that point, like I said it was 1-2 minutes maybe. However, I didn't post here to ask how I could have dealt with this. I posted to ask if I am being unreasonable to find her behaviour rude and inappropriate.

OP posts:
BettyBardMacDonald · 21/09/2024 13:40

ThirstyThursday · 21/09/2024 13:09

@swimmingannoyance

calm down. You were wrapped in a towel, nothing happened, she didn't open the door wider & if she had. He'd have seen you... wrapped in a towel ?!?!

you're massively over reacting to a one minute issue.

I'm sure you do things that bother other people,

I don't think she is over reacting at all.

BettyBardMacDonald · 21/09/2024 13:39

Doveyouknow · 21/09/2024 13:06

We went to somewhere with this set up to do swimming lessons. Most of the mums didn't swim with the kids (the dad's did) but were there to change the kids after swimming. This meant there was lots of conversations between mums and dads through the door with no thought that some women (well me) were actually getting changed. Used to drive me crazy - very inconsiderate.

Why can't they manage the process without speaking with their spouse? What input were the dads providing that couldn't wait 10 minutes??

PrincessScarlett · 21/09/2024 13:37

I get you are annoyed about it. I would be too. But surely you just say "please close the door, I'm changing". I'm sure this other woman had no idea she had upset you, especially as you didn't say anything.

Bumcake · 21/09/2024 13:36

MamOfGirls2 · 21/09/2024 12:49

I would have said. Close the door please I'm naked.

Indeed. Wouldn’t that have been a quick and simple solution?

ilovesooty · 21/09/2024 13:36

MasterBeth · 21/09/2024 13:33

She wasn't naked. She had a towel round her.

She felt exposed. That's the main point. I still think if I'd felt like that I'd have asked her to close the door.

MasterBeth · 21/09/2024 13:33

MamOfGirls2 · 21/09/2024 12:49

I would have said. Close the door please I'm naked.

She wasn't naked. She had a towel round her.

Seeingadistance · 21/09/2024 13:32

MamOfGirls2 · 21/09/2024 12:49

I would have said. Close the door please I'm naked.

I think I might have been less polite, but as there were children there would hopefully have restrained myself!

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 13:31

ouch321 · 21/09/2024 13:26

I guess this explains why a lot of changing rooms have 'double' doors.

Yep. This is a special needs school though so the set up is different to a typical pool or gym.

OP posts:
swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 13:30

But be mindful your kids will likely end up in the same class and best friends

Bit of a crystal ball leap 😂

OP posts:
Radionowhere · 21/09/2024 13:28

That would make me very uncomfortable OP, and cross, YANBU. It is selfish, rude and entitled behaviour.

ouch321 · 21/09/2024 13:26

I guess this explains why a lot of changing rooms have 'double' doors.

Namenamchange · 21/09/2024 13:26

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 13:11

@Namenamchange
I will be saying that if she does it next time. I find her rude in general tbh so this has probably just tipped me over the edge 😂

So there you go, you don’t like her so everything she does how ever bad is annoying. So nothing to lose if you tell her next time.
But be mindful your kids will likely end up in the same class and best friends

ilovesooty · 21/09/2024 13:22

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 13:11

@Namenamchange
I will be saying that if she does it next time. I find her rude in general tbh so this has probably just tipped me over the edge 😂

Well perhaps if it annoyed you so much you could have asked her to close the door rather than wait for her to do it again.

Chipsintheair · 21/09/2024 13:22

It might be she could tell you weren't visible there.

I think it's just a different perspective — plenty of women wouldn't be bothered by it, so it might not occur to them if they weren't told. I would be annoyed by it, but I'd probably say something. I can imagine, though, that for those most affected by fear or vulnerability in such a situation it's much harder to say something.

It might help to ask the pool staff to put signs up if this happens.

Sethera · 21/09/2024 13:18

User364837 · 21/09/2024 13:16

Sounds thoughtless of her but I’d probably just have asked her to close it and got on with my day rather than make a thread about it

Mumsnet wouldn't exist if everyone thought like this. What's the point of a forum if not to discuss things of interest or concern that have arisen in your life?

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 13:18

User364837 · 21/09/2024 13:16

Sounds thoughtless of her but I’d probably just have asked her to close it and got on with my day rather than make a thread about it

Good for you.

Similarly, if I was as disinterested in a thread on MN as you are in this one, I'd get on with my day instead of commenting on it. 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 13:17

@Sethera

THANK YOU. You've articulated way better than I could why this was not OK. I felt vulnerable and exposed.

OP posts:
Sethera · 21/09/2024 13:16

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 13:12

I don't want another man to see me in a fucking towel, is that ok?? You don't know my history so do not tell me to calm down. You have no idea why this bothered me and made me feel vulnerable and exposed.

She was fucking rude and inconsiderate, end of. Anyone who thinks this is ok has very questionable social norms.

I wouldn't want a random man seeing me in a towel either - I'm sure most women wouldn't. It's not about how much of your flesh is exposed, it's about being in a vulnerable position, in a space which should be female only - you are not mentally expecting or prepared for the 'male gaze'.

User364837 · 21/09/2024 13:16

Sounds thoughtless of her but I’d probably just have asked her to close it and got on with my day rather than make a thread about it

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 21/09/2024 13:15

That's a ridiculous setup for a changing room. You risk flashing every time somebody opens the door to go in or out. I'm not surprised this woman wasn't more careful as this isn't something most of us ever have to think about when using a changing room - they are designed so that nothing can be seen from the doorway.

The fault is with the facilities and with you for quietly seething instead of saying please close the door.

timeforanewmoniker · 21/09/2024 13:14

My pool has a similar setup and I was getting changed the other day (only me there) when a female lifeguard walked in and said, "there's a man coming in in a minute."

I must have looked surprised because she followed up with "no, not in here, in the corridor outside. just so you know when you walk past after you've finished."

So if she thought that was important/it was a policy to mention, I don't think you're overreacting at all.

btw it turned out the man she was referring to was gay, so I imagine I would have been a disappointment 😂

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 13:12

ThirstyThursday · 21/09/2024 13:09

@swimmingannoyance

calm down. You were wrapped in a towel, nothing happened, she didn't open the door wider & if she had. He'd have seen you... wrapped in a towel ?!?!

you're massively over reacting to a one minute issue.

I'm sure you do things that bother other people,

I don't want another man to see me in a fucking towel, is that ok?? You don't know my history so do not tell me to calm down. You have no idea why this bothered me and made me feel vulnerable and exposed.

She was fucking rude and inconsiderate, end of. Anyone who thinks this is ok has very questionable social norms.

OP posts:
swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 13:11

@Namenamchange
I will be saying that if she does it next time. I find her rude in general tbh so this has probably just tipped me over the edge 😂

OP posts:
ThirstyThursday · 21/09/2024 13:09

@swimmingannoyance

calm down. You were wrapped in a towel, nothing happened, she didn't open the door wider & if she had. He'd have seen you... wrapped in a towel ?!?!

you're massively over reacting to a one minute issue.

I'm sure you do things that bother other people,

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