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AIBU?

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To expect other women not to hold door to ladies changing area open?

217 replies

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 12:40

I take my DD(3) to a toddler swim class on a Saturday morning. It's usually a mixture of mums and dads in the pool, separate changing areas obviously. However the changing areas open directly into the corridor where other parents (the non swimming parent) tend to congregate and wait. DD's class is mostly dads with just me and one other mum, so just me and her in the changing area after the class today. I'd already removed my costume under my towel and was drying myself off, obviously naked under a towel, chatting to DD. Next thing, the other mum opens the door (her costume still on) to have a conversation with her male partner who was waiting in the corridor whilst I'm standing feet away under my towel naked. I wasn't directly in his line of vision of had she opened the door any wider, I would have been (hard to explain without a picture of the set up). It was only a matter of a minute or so, she was from what I could gather trying to get her toddler to go with dad so she could change by herself.

AIBU to have been annoyed about this? Surely if you want to have a conversation with your partner and you're in a ladies changing area, with another woman who you can see is mid getting changed, go out into the corridor instead?? It just felt like an invasion of my privacy, I'd never have opened the door to casually chat to my DH outside the door of a changing area if another woman was changing.

OP posts:
BettyBardMacDonald · 21/09/2024 14:21

SummerFade · 21/09/2024 14:19

Yes, you’re unreasonable!

Other people will have different social norms to you due to culture, upbringing, personal experiences etc. and it doesn’t instantly make them wrong and you right. It’s just different!

The norm of her community is that changing rooms have doors to shield people from the view of passersby.

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 14:21

MasterBeth · 21/09/2024 14:19

There are some massive leaps being taken on this thread.

Yes, I guess towels could just spontaneously fall off, but the towel wasn't going to fall off in the circumstances described. And, no, I wouldn't feel comfortable walking down the high street only wearing a towel, but I would feel comfortable that I could cover my modesty in a changing room with a towel.

There are indeed some massive leaps. Such as me not liking this woman simply because she's "foreign" 🙄

OP posts:
swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 14:20

@GigiAnnna

You can find it hard to believe all you like. It's true.

I live in a city, actually.

As I've said a few times, it's a special needs school and the company my daughter swims with hire their premises on a weekend for lessons. The set up is exactly as I've described- you walk straight into a small square shaped communal changing area with benches around the sides and hooks to hang clothes on. It's not a gym or a public leisure centre.

OP posts:
stayathomer · 21/09/2024 14:20

But maybe you have been inconsiderate at some point in your life and you don’t know because no one told you and they were pissed off with you silently!

This so much, I’d assume most people have gone home at one stage or another and realised they did something inconsiderate!! Pobody’s nerfect!!!

BettyBardMacDonald · 21/09/2024 14:20

Thistooshallpass24 · 21/09/2024 14:08

Just a quick question, why are you not naked under clothes, but naked under a towel?

This is disingenuous to the extreme.

Would you wear nothing but a towel to work?

🙄

The default setting for changing rooms is privacy. That's why the room has a door.

Breaching the privacy is inconsiderate, thoughtless and rude.

MasterBeth · 21/09/2024 14:19

There are some massive leaps being taken on this thread.

Yes, I guess towels could just spontaneously fall off, but the towel wasn't going to fall off in the circumstances described. And, no, I wouldn't feel comfortable walking down the high street only wearing a towel, but I would feel comfortable that I could cover my modesty in a changing room with a towel.

SummerFade · 21/09/2024 14:19

Yes, you’re unreasonable!

Other people will have different social norms to you due to culture, upbringing, personal experiences etc. and it doesn’t instantly make them wrong and you right. It’s just different!

SwordBilledHummingbird · 21/09/2024 14:16

I don't know why you're getting the responses you are OP. She was inconsiderate and YANBU.

GigiAnnna · 21/09/2024 14:16

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 14:16

@GigiAnnna
Definitely no cubicles available unfortunately.

I find that hard to believe unless you live in the back end of nowhere.

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 14:16

@GigiAnnna
Definitely no cubicles available unfortunately.

OP posts:
GigiAnnna · 21/09/2024 14:15

It was thoughtless of her but just go in a cubicle in future. You can't rely on members of the public to have your best interests at heart. I've not been anywhere for a very long time that has communal changing rooms and not cubicles. And if they have communal changing rooms, they usually only open them for groups to use, such as schools. No one really wanders around starkers in front of strangers anymore.

BlueGrackle · 21/09/2024 14:15

I think you should have just asked her to shut the door, because you’re getting changed. Some people need prompting, no point coming on here and moaning about it. If you’d said something maybe she’ll think on for next time.

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 14:12

Thistooshallpass24 · 21/09/2024 14:08

Just a quick question, why are you not naked under clothes, but naked under a towel?

This has been explained already by another poster - towels can fall off, and they can gape at unpredictable angles. They feel more exposing. To me, anyway. And the few other women on this thread who understand my point,

OP posts:
Sethera · 21/09/2024 14:12

GoldenNuggets08 · 21/09/2024 14:04

What a ridiculous question! Presumably the man had seen her in her swimwear. I wouldn't walk down a busy highstreet with only swimwear on!

The poster was saying the towel was equivalent to clothing in general.

I wouldn't do either but if I was forced to, I would rather be in swimwear than a towel.

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 14:11

Shinydoor · 21/09/2024 14:08

Op, you’re coming across as pretty mean on here.

Is the crux of it you dislike her because she’s ‘foreign’?

Where to start with this? I'm not "coming across as mean" - I'm matching the tone of the response I'm receiving.

And are you at accusing me of racism?? Because that's a low blow, and a huge leap, so I'd hope not.

OP posts:
MalcolmTuckersSwearBox · 21/09/2024 14:10

Honestly, I would (and have) just politely shout "please can you close the door?". They probably don't realise they're exposing the room the outside world, as stupid as that sounds.

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 14:10

Well I guess you're a better person than her then. Congrats.

I'd say it makes me more considerate of other women in a state of undress, rather than "better". I don't think that's necessarily a bad quality.

OP posts:
Thistooshallpass24 · 21/09/2024 14:08

Just a quick question, why are you not naked under clothes, but naked under a towel?

Shinydoor · 21/09/2024 14:08

Op, you’re coming across as pretty mean on here.

Is the crux of it you dislike her because she’s ‘foreign’?

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 14:05

Thistooshallpass24 · 21/09/2024 14:03

Thanks for the picture? Maybe you could draw one for the person who annoyed you.
I'm not sure why your anger was directed to me tho? I just pointed out that your answers on here are pretty "robust"

Anger? 😂

OP posts:
swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 14:05

Caramellie3 · 21/09/2024 14:03

The sensible option would have been for her to walk the toddler out to the corridor to meet dad instead of trying to have the conversation through the door. Swimming changing always seems stressful with small children in tow though!

Which is exactly what I'd have done.

OP posts:
swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 14:04

AbitOfProblem · 21/09/2024 13:54

People have really different ideas about what is okay in changing rooms. On the continent women just strip off completely while carrying on talking to each other. I found that really disconcerting, but no one else did. My Norwegian friend once stripped totally naked and carried on talking to me in a swimming pool changing room. I was mortified and she was totally oblivious.

I think if you want more privacy you need to be ready to speak up and quickly.

I mean, the woman isn't British, if that's relevant? So maybe it is a cultural norm where she's from. Who knows.

OP posts:
GoldenNuggets08 · 21/09/2024 14:04

Sethera · 21/09/2024 13:59

You really can't see the difference between wearing clothes and having a towel wrapped around yourself?

The towel could slip off at any moment and will gape at different angles, with no 'security' of underwear.

Would you happily walk down a busy highstreet with only a towel around yourself?

Edited

What a ridiculous question! Presumably the man had seen her in her swimwear. I wouldn't walk down a busy highstreet with only swimwear on!

Caramellie3 · 21/09/2024 14:03

The sensible option would have been for her to walk the toddler out to the corridor to meet dad instead of trying to have the conversation through the door. Swimming changing always seems stressful with small children in tow though!

Thistooshallpass24 · 21/09/2024 14:03

Thanks for the picture? Maybe you could draw one for the person who annoyed you.
I'm not sure why your anger was directed to me tho? I just pointed out that your answers on here are pretty "robust"

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