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AIBU?

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To expect other women not to hold door to ladies changing area open?

217 replies

swimmingannoyance · 21/09/2024 12:40

I take my DD(3) to a toddler swim class on a Saturday morning. It's usually a mixture of mums and dads in the pool, separate changing areas obviously. However the changing areas open directly into the corridor where other parents (the non swimming parent) tend to congregate and wait. DD's class is mostly dads with just me and one other mum, so just me and her in the changing area after the class today. I'd already removed my costume under my towel and was drying myself off, obviously naked under a towel, chatting to DD. Next thing, the other mum opens the door (her costume still on) to have a conversation with her male partner who was waiting in the corridor whilst I'm standing feet away under my towel naked. I wasn't directly in his line of vision of had she opened the door any wider, I would have been (hard to explain without a picture of the set up). It was only a matter of a minute or so, she was from what I could gather trying to get her toddler to go with dad so she could change by herself.

AIBU to have been annoyed about this? Surely if you want to have a conversation with your partner and you're in a ladies changing area, with another woman who you can see is mid getting changed, go out into the corridor instead?? It just felt like an invasion of my privacy, I'd never have opened the door to casually chat to my DH outside the door of a changing area if another woman was changing.

OP posts:
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Emptyandsad · 15/01/2025 20:13

People are weird about changing rooms. I was once in a men's changing room, naked after my swim, getting dried prior to putting my clothes on, when a woman opened the door, ushered her young son (about 8yrs old) into the room and stood there in the open doorway to keep an eye on her son while he changed. Why she didn't take him into the women's changing room when she felt that he couldn't be left to change on her own, I have no idea

Another time I was changing with my 3 Yr old daughter in the men's changing room, when a man came in to get changed. Another man came back from the pool and took off his costume to get changed and the first man accused him of being a paedo because he was getting changed in front of a 3 Yr old - in a men's changing room! Where else was he supposed to get changed? My daughter was oblivious to the naked bodies on view but upset at the anger and shouting

Getitwright · 22/09/2024 18:40

I used to manage swim pools. Some had cubicles, some were open plan, others had both. All had double entry doors. It’s an unusual set up though. It’s either a robe, which will be good for on beach, wild swimming, or tell anyone opening door to be careful. At the very least, pool owners need to put up a notice of some sorts to discourage it. Lots of folks are very oblivious to what’s going on around them, polite reminder will hopefully work.

swimmingannoyance · 22/09/2024 18:32

Getitwright · 22/09/2024 18:30

It sounds like somewhere to use one of those towelling beach type robes, that you pop on, baggy enough for you to remove cossie, use to towel down, put on bra, knickers, then finish getting dressed. A bit more sense required as well with folks not opening door.

Yes, those robes do look handy. I may invest in one. But yes, others need to have a modicum of consideration for others too, don't they.

OP posts:
swimmingannoyance · 22/09/2024 18:31

I'm guessing, seeing as you've proved yourself to exaggerate a little, that she stuck her head out the door to speak to her husband and it was held open probably less than if she'd walked out of it.

You're guessing incorrectly then. She did not "stick her head out", the door was open enough for her to walk out of it. She remained in the changing area, making no effort to just peek her head out. If she had, that wouldn't have been an issue would it.

OP posts:
Getitwright · 22/09/2024 18:30

It sounds like somewhere to use one of those towelling beach type robes, that you pop on, baggy enough for you to remove cossie, use to towel down, put on bra, knickers, then finish getting dressed. A bit more sense required as well with folks not opening door.

swimmingannoyance · 22/09/2024 18:17

No, you're the one name calling and telling people to "get over themselves". Not sure you can claim the moral high ground yourself. 🙄

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CellophaneFlower · 22/09/2024 18:11

swimmingannoyance · 22/09/2024 17:57

@CellophaneFlower
Ditto 👍🏻

I'm not the one who is apparently hysterically laughing at everything 🤷‍♀️

Anyway. A man didn't see you in a towel. Presumably as his wife shielded him from the sight. I'm guessing, seeing as you've proved yourself to exaggerate a little, that she stuck her head out the door to speak to her husband and it was held open probably less than if she'd walked out of it. Yet you've created a thread and even drawn a diagram about it... despite apparently not being that bothered and you'd forgotten about it by bedtime. OK. 👌

swimmingannoyance · 22/09/2024 18:00

Pomegranatecarnage · 22/09/2024 16:23

YANBU. I’d be mortified and anxious that it would happen again. A solution would be to report it to the company so that they can send out an email asking people to be mindful when they open the doors.

Yes, I plan to send an email ☺️

OP posts:
swimmingannoyance · 22/09/2024 17:59

jeaux90 · 22/09/2024 16:31

I'm with you OP. Really inconsiderate of her, this is a consent issue and women should not be breaking boundaries of other women in single sex spaces.

Especially where women and girls are vulnerable and undressed.

Some people on this thread have a weird view on boundaries.

Yes, bizarre isn't it!

OP posts:
swimmingannoyance · 22/09/2024 17:57

@CellophaneFlower
Ditto 👍🏻

OP posts:
CellophaneFlower · 22/09/2024 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

swimmingannoyance · 22/09/2024 17:51

Oh do get over yourself.

Original 🤣🤣

OP posts:
CellophaneFlower · 22/09/2024 17:14

swimmingannoyance · 22/09/2024 16:16

Quite! Hilariously ironic that the accusations of "all this drama" are coming from posters who are making extensive posts in the early hours, thus adding to the drama of a thread and a situation that I'd basically forgotten about when I went to sleep last night 🤣🤣 Yes, really seems like the drama is being created by me 🤦🏼‍♀️🤣

Oh do get over yourself. It was ONE post made in the early hours. Perhaps that poster works nights/suffers with insomnia/is up with a baby. Not sure how what time people post is relevant at all?

swimmingannoyance · 22/09/2024 16:47

Okbyethen · 22/09/2024 16:27

I'm with you OP - next time definitely say something!

Reminds me of a time I was changing in a spa changing room and the woman right next to me decided to facetime her husband/partner whilst moving around with her phone! (I was topless) I did a very loud 'excuse me can you not facetime your husband in here!' whilst giving her a 'wtf' look and she quickly hung up lol

Bloody hell! wtf is wrong with people?! 😳

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 22/09/2024 16:31

I'm with you OP. Really inconsiderate of her, this is a consent issue and women should not be breaking boundaries of other women in single sex spaces.

Especially where women and girls are vulnerable and undressed.

Some people on this thread have a weird view on boundaries.

Okbyethen · 22/09/2024 16:27

I'm with you OP - next time definitely say something!

Reminds me of a time I was changing in a spa changing room and the woman right next to me decided to facetime her husband/partner whilst moving around with her phone! (I was topless) I did a very loud 'excuse me can you not facetime your husband in here!' whilst giving her a 'wtf' look and she quickly hung up lol

Pomegranatecarnage · 22/09/2024 16:23

YANBU. I’d be mortified and anxious that it would happen again. A solution would be to report it to the company so that they can send out an email asking people to be mindful when they open the doors.

swimmingannoyance · 22/09/2024 16:16

SerafinasGoose · 22/09/2024 13:32

There is no 'drama'. You're being a touch histrionic yourself.

OP didn't know how to react at the time, as people often don't, so she started a thread online to offload about it.

That's what internet discussion forums are for. If you didn't like the thread no one was forcing you to read it.

Quite! Hilariously ironic that the accusations of "all this drama" are coming from posters who are making extensive posts in the early hours, thus adding to the drama of a thread and a situation that I'd basically forgotten about when I went to sleep last night 🤣🤣 Yes, really seems like the drama is being created by me 🤦🏼‍♀️🤣

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rickandmorts · 22/09/2024 14:55

@BettyBardMacDonald I was on holiday so if I were confident they spoke English I'd have said something but no everyone just looked uncomfortable. I don't understand why he didn't take the baby and walk around outside the toilets? He was just strolling up and down, it was so strange and uncomfortable.

CJsGoldfish · 22/09/2024 14:00

swimmingannoyance · 22/09/2024 07:42

@CJsGoldfish
Mate the only person seeming to enjoy revelling in drama on this thread is you 😂
A lengthy post like that in the early hours? 🤣
I'm over it. You on the other hand...... 😬

Yes, you certainly seem like you're over it 😂

Your post is factually incorrect, therefore, bollocks by definition 😆

SerafinasGoose · 22/09/2024 13:32

There is no 'drama'. You're being a touch histrionic yourself.

OP didn't know how to react at the time, as people often don't, so she started a thread online to offload about it.

That's what internet discussion forums are for. If you didn't like the thread no one was forcing you to read it.

BettyBardMacDonald · 22/09/2024 13:12

rickandmorts · 22/09/2024 08:14

In the same vein, I was at a tourist attraction last week. There was a man stood in the women's toilets outside the baby change, watching his wife change their newborn. When she'd done that they swapped and she changed their toddler and he then walked around the women's toilets with the newborn! I wanted to say get out the women's toilets!! Just so strange and it was obvious the women in there were uncomfortable. There was a baby change in the men's (I know because my partner changed our toddler) so he should have taken one of the kids next door and changed them so his wife didn't have to do both and so he didn't have to loiter in the women's.

And bo one said anything? I would have asked him to leave.

Why are some couples so clingy hey can't function alone for five minutes?

UpUpUpU · 22/09/2024 08:58

You could have used your words OP. So much drama over an easily fixed problem.
Buy a large changing towel and move on with your life

swimmingannoyance · 22/09/2024 08:28

@rickandmorts
That's so entitled and rude! Why do they think this is acceptable? The mind boggles.

OP posts:
rickandmorts · 22/09/2024 08:14

In the same vein, I was at a tourist attraction last week. There was a man stood in the women's toilets outside the baby change, watching his wife change their newborn. When she'd done that they swapped and she changed their toddler and he then walked around the women's toilets with the newborn! I wanted to say get out the women's toilets!! Just so strange and it was obvious the women in there were uncomfortable. There was a baby change in the men's (I know because my partner changed our toddler) so he should have taken one of the kids next door and changed them so his wife didn't have to do both and so he didn't have to loiter in the women's.