Take the plunge now or wait until secondary? Tearing my hair out and at loggerheads with DP

I agree with this. 8 is both not enough for the children and also not enough for the school to sustain itself unless heavily subsidised by the older year groups.

My DD did her final teacher placement at a private school year 5. The children were behind all other year 5’s she had been with at other state school placements, the behaviour was not brilliant, yes fewer students per class but not as much maths and English as state schools as they can set own curriculum. The dining facilities were amazing as were extra curricular opportunities (paid in addition). Plenty of trips though.
Logically all the teachers are trained at the same universities, so apart from class sizes the main difference is parents earnings. 🤣🤣 Also no Ofsted and no fines for taking kids out in term time, oh and in secondary they sit easier GCSEs.

A lovely nurturing State school should be fine for her early years- If you get a good feeling from the State, trust your instincts.

Your husband probably worries about your Daughter picking up 'local accents' {?}- I can't see any other reason for his insistence on Prep school at such a young age.

Mum used to live near a prep school - it looked no different to the very nice local state primary where brothers went - and Tim Berners ~Lee, the inventor of WWW.

State primary certainly didn't hold him back!

8 is too small imo

It is still good to consider how it would be funded if you split

I would wait. I've taught in private and state primaries.
The difference is mainly the class sizes and extra-curricular activities within school.
The class size is an advantage but most kids are absolutely fine in a class of 30. Where it can make a real difference is if a child has additional needs or struggles with aspects of school, possibly due to neurodiversity. If your child does not have additional needs they will be absolutely fine in a class of 30 at primary school.

You can make sure they have access to extra-curricular activities outside of school if they go to state primary. And anyway, lots of state primaries do have some clubs going on. You can pay for private music lessons, take your child to sports' clubs, dance, language, whatever they are interested in. They do not need to be at a private school to have access to good opportunities like this.

I would suggest you discuss compromising on your child going to state school until the end of KS1 and then reassessing the situation then.
You really would be better off saving the money now and making sure you have enough to ensure all years of secondary are covered and possibly KS2 if you can manage that too.

Most children, even those from the landed gentry, go to state primary schools at least until 7 often until older.
With the huge fees now if they local state schools are ok and your child is happy you are better off just paying for extra tutoring and saving some of the mosey to help through uni and with housing. Interestingly now many unis give better offers to state school pupils than private pupils

Fees will at least double from reception to y13

Take the plunge now! There is no comparison between the feelings of a privately educated child from P1 and a child thrust into this environment in secondary school. I am not saying the teaching will be any better than at a state school, sometimes it can be even worse, but the calm atmosphere, no ESL children, uniform, discipline, fabulous physical (I am not saying intellectual) environment, portraits of former pupils who became prime ministers on the walls, the Union Flag flying over school grounds on national holidays, a church attached to the school - it is like a trip to the 1950s (where I am frequently sent to by fellow MNetters). Remember, if you did not to to a private school when you were 5, and at 20 you are at Oxford and at 30 you are a multi-zillionnaire, you still did not go to a private school when you were 5!

firstly as everyone has said £100K is not enough - private school fees have increased by 49% in the last decade according to the FT.
That's before VAT
this year the average before vat increase is 8%
2022-2023 my DD2 school cost us 29 thousand pounds for final sixth form year - that is day fees, min bus and few extras but not much.
]It depends if you felt that once she started school you would not have to save anymore and would not be putting nursery fees towards school fees ? in whcih case you are deluded.

However you could continue saving what you save now and pay school fees for pre prep out of income than when you start tohit the crunch were fees cannot be paid out of income then you start dipping into the increased savings pot - well yes is doable

we had no savings pot and paid for 2 dds from nursery through to sixth form from taxed income - it was financially crippling and left us way behind with pensions/mortgage repayment etc. BUT it was a lovely educational experience and pre prep and prep private is so far removed from state it was like a different world.

What's his plan for if the school goes bust (as many are)?

Wait until secondary - primary is definitely too much money for private. Paying for tuition and other sporting and music activities is definitely the way to go if you are willing to spend money. Pay for your daughters hobbies and teach her a language!

I think it's crazy to go private.

BIL went to private school - he's an alcoholic, in a dead end job.

My 2 went to normal high school - both got degrees and have professional jobs.

Only one of my god children went to private schools (I have 8 godchildren), they are all doing about the same as each other in life.

I'd rather spend the money on a bigger house or holidays, or even a deposit for the children to get a house when they are older.

What a complete waste of money if there is a nice free school nearby.

He's not really being crazy. It is hard to imagine until your child reaches that age but you will be taking them away from friends etc if you keep moving them (unless you wait till secondary then it will be fine).

There's no need to be at same school all way through, they get a sort of same school ' fatigue ' , state is totally fine, save it till she's older. I've done both btw, state primary then transition to private, was all fine .

We had the same dilemma but we did from pre prep I didn t want him settled then having to move no regrets atall

it depends a lot on how bright she is OP . If she isn’t bright then you would be better getting her into private for the smaller classes and more attention as soon as you can . If she’s pretty bright then waiting till year 3 or year 6 with tutoring shouldn’t be an issue .

It is common here to go to state until year 3 and then into private in preparation for 11+ and the local grammar . Or year 7 into private for those that don’t make the 11+ . Very few kids are private all the way through

I agree with others that your 100k isn’t enough , you need to factor in at least 5% yearly increase in fees and now 20% VAT .

Two of my DC are completely state educated and doing great though both had the benefit of selective state senior schools as one passed the 11+ and one was a near miss with a scholarship , the younger though moved into private in year 7. Hind sight is a great thing - looking back he would probably have benefitted from moving earlier - he is my least academic and most anxious child - I think he’s capable of great things but he is going to need more help getting there

So you currently spend/save 2.2k a month on childcare/education... so £26.4k.
The Primary school fees would be 18k... so you would continue to have more money going into the account, not taking money out at your current levels.

So you can afford it.

So the only question is... is it worthwhile. And no one can really say that as we don't know the schools!

Send her the normal primary and pay for a tutor in year 5/6 to catch her up the the others in the secondary

If you save £1k a month how have you saved £100k in 4 or so years?
I would put her in state and see how she goes. That money might be much better for her as a house deposit than as primary school fees. Also private secondary tends to be much more expensive than primary, so you need to be prepared for that.

Are you in a grammar area?