Take the plunge now or wait until secondary? Tearing my hair out and at loggerheads with DP

Also, as a PP has mentioned, nursery covers 8-6. Will the school provide wrap around care as part of the fees (very unlikely) or are you going to be paying thousands on top for before and after care?

@thepariscrimefiles Ha Ha oops! That OP said the quiet bit out loud.

By social Mix I mean people who are not rich and people who don't value education the same way

Aside from the money, will your DC get in later? The private schools were all very competitive where we lived at the time. Getting him into a top ranking private secondary was a hellish experience, kids were tutored like crazy and that was from a prep school! And getting him into the prep school at 7 wasn't easy either (he did KS1 at state). I'd save myself the stress and go now, and only do private if you are sure it's a top ranking one, top 30 or so. Beyond that it's just not worth it. So it's more than a money question and you seem to be assuming entry is a given if you want it and when you want it.

I agree also that 8 is too small. My DC’s pre prep and and prep classes were around 20 which I think is a great size because they have plenty of kids to make friends with but still get lots of attention from the teacher and TA. I’ve always paid monthly for my DC’s fees. Being doing that for 11 years without any issues and I don’t regret spending the money at all. DC1 is now in a top state grammar and DC2 is in a private secondary.

Would starting at 5 take her straight through at the same school without having to do 7+, 11+ or 13+? I'd say that was worth it if so, the stress those exams put on kids (& parents) is ridiculous. But that's me, plenty of people's kids sail through the entrance exams without stress apparently.

I think the problem here is more one for values - he values private education more than you do. It's not really about the money, you're just picking that as the reason to justify a different mindset. Neither of you is right or wrong, but you do have to agree on the family priorities.

What percentage increase have you assumed? Have you factored in an extra £5k or so for uniform and trips etc? Have you factored in uni costs?

I'm a secondary school teacher, in a state school that parents choose over private as a similar vibe (but free, obvs).

We have a couple of children who have joined us from private prep. They are significantly behind their peers both socially and academically.

Save your money.

Indeed, @Thudercatsrule . Surely there's a Millionairesnet online somewhere that will be more useful

Spot on and what is the matter with state schools?
I'm clearly living on another part of the planet with a totally different perspective.
Sorry that this is all causing you such anxiety

My kids are secondary now and have been private since reception. My two Pennies:

DS would not have passed the entry requirement of Y7. School is full then and they open up another 30 places so can be very picky about who they want.

Year 3 sees a big influx and a lot of it is spent by the teachers catching up the state till 8 kids

so - because private prep schools often are just a holding pen for the snipe school staff children and don’t make a lot of money they’ll do a lot to get you age 4 but you run the risk of not getting in to Y7. To be fair that might change with VAT.

id also be factoring in how secure your jobs are? Length left on the mortgage? Likelihood of family help if things go belly up? Any more children on the horizon? How’s your pension looking? If you are both doctors for example with great pensions and 5 years to go on the mortgage and are done with one I’d go for it.

If you’re in less stable jobs with no pension and a 500k mortgage I’d avoid it.

Not an easy choice, good luck

What do you mean by social mix? We are in a very white middle class area and our PS has a much broader mix in terms of religions and ethnic background. My DS1's best friend is Pakistani whose parents own the local pharmacy.

Private school is much more limited in social mix than state - for that reason alone state and only move private when necessary as the child will get a broader social education that way

I should mention Dsis had a fair bit more than £100,000 and it wasn't enough for primary and secondary. It was all the extras and school trips that killed it.

@Grammarnut ..my DD’s state school and all other state schools teach kids to read 🙈. I was actually very impressed by how quickly they taught my DD. She is now year 2 and reading chapter books fluently. It’s not that complex really. They teach using phonics which is a really basic method once you get it.

Spectacularly missing the point, @Nina1013 - and that is not how our tax system works - but thanks for your input

It’s the taxes of those who earn enough to pay private school fees which heavily contribute to the provision of education for all in the first place, so they have every right to use as much or as little as they wish, and it is absolutely not the teachers’ right to comment on this at all. Absolutely nobody should consider this on any level when making a decision on whether or not to privately educate their child and at what point they wish to do so.

We did private from 3 and don’t regret a penny.

Something to consider is that they’ll be guaranteed a place in the secondary school if they’ve gone through primary. Places can be competitive.

Just to say, I know several primary school teachers who thoroughly resent parents who put their kids in a state primary then go on to send them to a private secondary school. They feel that middle-class parents/those affluent enough to pay fees should not use the state system as a kind of primer then withdraw at the level where it's really important to have the support of those parents in the system.

Obviously you will do what you want to do, but you might like to think a bit about the implications, OP.

I would stick to state - it's what we have done and we will consider private for secondary when we get there. We live in a fairly affluent area and the two private prep schools near us have both closed down this year (pre-VAT rise) as they were making massive losses partly because of the declining birth rates.

Unless you are super rich cant see the point of this at all.

Looking at it from a slightly different angle: We considered private for DS as he’s very bright and we thought it might maximise his potential.

I’m so so glad we didn’t. We hadn’t realised what effect the school would have on him. We knew he was probably autistic but it didn’t really feel like an ‘issue’ at nursery. School very much highlighted his PDA and struggles with a formal learning environment. He’s still very bright but actually getting him to engage with school is an enormous uphill battle. His lovely village primary are working closely with us to get him an EHCP and get him the support he needs at present. I think if he’d gone to the pre-prep we’d considered he would have been permanently excluded by now. Or we’d be expected to pay a considerable amount for extra learning support.

So basically, I think it’s worth knowing how she is in school before spending a small fortune on it.

Most kids change school age 11, and many will be starting private at that age. I'd have thought it would be far worse to risk running out of money her not being able to complete school in a private setting and her having to change to a state secondary at a time when she is settled

No ESL children? Ah yes, back to the 1950s where everyone was white? Is that your dream school setting?