Take the plunge now or wait until secondary? Tearing my hair out and at loggerheads with DP

How much are you saving per month/year at the moment? And will you continue to add to the savings while she's at school?

What if you had another child? (You might not be planning to, but accidents happen.)

I think it would be crazy to spend that amount of money on such a young child. How do you know the teaching at your local school is not good? (Have you read the Ofsted report? Unless it is "Requires Improvement" it must be OK.) Do you know any other parents who send their children there and like it, who could speak to you and your DH?

How do you know the teaching at the private school is good? Fancy surroundings and even small classes do not necessarily mean teaching is good.

We did state primary and now indy secondary. Remember primary age parents and teachers have the biggest influence but at secondary that moves to peers.
Don't regret state primary at all in the same way as so far I'm not regretting indy secondary. In fact DD is in top sets across the board in secondary, most of the "preppies" who did the indy prep are in middle sets.

No its not a reason to spend money you haven't got , but it is a valid reason for wanting her to go from year reception. I know from when my children were younger Y6 was definitely tough in so much as the kids tended to drift towards others going to same secondary school as them so you ended up with a fairly large group and a couple of smaller groups and plenty of general upset as the kids negotiated the changes in friendship groups

Private school is not a magic bullet.

You will still need tutoring, extra curricular activities plus the usual bullying and friendship issues.

Also, how boring to be at the same school for 14 years of your life!
What about experiencing new environments and making new friends?

I'm a primary school teacher and we have new kids that join every year and they settle very quickly. My daughter changed schools at 6 and had no issues (& loves it). Paying for something that's free is bonkers to me (unless the school is massively failing her in some way). Save your money, give her a couple of years and decide. Given the money you are saving you could easily afford a tutor if she was struggling.

I'm guessing he went to private school?

It’s not even close to enough.
That would see op through to Year 3.

Does he think if she starts at secondary level she will be behind her peers educationally? Also it is hard if most of your friends go off to the same secondary school and you go to a different one.

Not sure how Mumsnet can help, you guys will have to argue it out or toss a coin if you can't agree.
It seems a huge commitment to me, you may be better off saving the money for a deposit for dc's first home or university fees? But either way you two parents need to try and agree a course of action together.

I think you are wise to wait a few years. No harm will come to your DD if she does KS1 in state (YR,Y1&Y2) - do plenty of reading and counting games outside of school and keep saving, put her into private from y3.

We did state till end of y6 and had saved only £60k to help with only 7 years and it's been tight. I would want £150k saved in your circumstances for a yR start but you can easily get to £130k ish for a y3 start.

Prep school is a waste of money and your DD will be just as fulfilled at the local primary. Save the money for senior education. I speak through considerable experience. Your DH is wrong and being extremely daft.

I'm with you OP, that isn't nearly enough. I started with a savings pot of £250k for school fees 10 years ago in Reception year, and I'm worrying now that I won't have enough left to get through to 6th form with the massive increases over the years (particularly since Covid) and now the VAT on top. For example, when DC started reception 10 yrs ago, the fees for the secondary school were c. £5k per term. It's now going to be £10k per term once the VAT is added.
If I had my time again, I would have put them into state until 11, and spent some extra money on tutoring for the 11+.

Have you done a compound interest calculation for what the pot would be after primary? If you havn't, what approx return are you getting in interest and roughly how much would you be putting in monthly and for how long? (you dont need to be ultra specific, I know it's very personal information but if you could make a fact based case to him, it might help)

Is the prep school single sex? I knew a lot of girls who were single sex ed in prep and it did them absolutely no favours.

it is a veey bad idea to sign ip for a school so quickly after seeing jt.

tell your DH that he needs time to reflect on this becauae it is a big decision.

you should also visit at least three scbools.

I'd certainly think about delaying until secondary. If you can continue to save at a similar rate then you'll have a much larger pot for secondary and that is where you will get real bang for your buck in terms of GCSE and Alevels. You'd also have what you are spending on nursery available for general spending, you could do extra curriculars, tutors for music or languages or take some great holidays, all of which will contribute to a well rounded and accomplished little one.

definitely don’t bother with prep school…save all that money for senior school instead. Primary school is a lot about social skills and input from home as much as school in terms of reading with them etc. I don’t think prep would give them an academic advantage as long a you are willing to put the work in at home to support their learning. What is the reason you want to send them private?

you have to discuss this
It’s A ridiculous amount of money for prep school which as a PP says is learning through play

Why don't you aim to join at prep rather than pre-prep stage? State till 8 is quite common. And you actually don't know what your local school is like, you just have rumour and assumptions.

My other point - £18k is a lot for pre-prep. Why this school? A through-to-secondary school isn't necessarily a good thing. Have you looked at any other schools?