To think this is abuse.

Do not leave your job. He’s trying to make you be unemployed so that he has you trapped so you can’t leave.
Please start making plans to leave. I know it seems hard but lots of women manage. It’s only going to get harder the longer you leave it and the longer he has to wear you down.
Don’t worry about him having DD. I bet he won’t bother

Hold your ground OP, now you can see he is undermining you and actively seeking to make your life worse. Hold the 8-4 as a compromise just in case you strategically need it. Start to grey rock him when he moans about your meetings being end of day 'oh, that's an interesting point of view'. You're going to have to leave him at some point in the future. You don't want to now, that's ok. Just work out how to live with his behaviour in the meantime without losing your confidence and self esteem and don't let that job go.

He will be the same whatever job you do.
9 to 5 or even 9 to 6 are pretty normal working hours.
It sounds to me like he

1. Doesn't care about your child and meeting their needs
2. Doesn't care about you
3. Wants to control you

Please don't raise your child in that sort of environment. They will grow up feeling like that's normal when it really shouldn't be.

Please, please listen to the lovely women of Mumsnet. Do not leave your 'holy grail' job that works well for you. Your husband is trying to undermine and control you. You need to keep the job and find some strength to start questioning why he's so awful and what you're going to do about it (leave would be my reaction).

Do not leave your job!

Yes, it’s abuse. And unfortunately this is just the beginning. Please don’t leave your job x

Your DH sounds pathetic. what an embarrassment of a man.

What is he doing between 4 and 5 doesn't he have a job himself? Turn your phone off and ignore him all day.

It's definitely abuse, he'll ruin the new job too, he's trying to make you weaker.

Keep your job!

Don’t give up your job, what age is your dc? School age? Honestly I’d suck up the cost and pay for after school care. I think you’d be bonkers to leave a job that has sensible hours to take on a new job that you will never be able to get paid childcare for and have to quit when you separate. If he’s abusive it’s easier to get out sooner rather than later.

I think one of the most pervasive elements of abuse is the self doubt. You know he is unreasonable but because you’ve been told so many times that you are wrong it’s worn you down and you’ve lost perspective. The quicker this ends the faster your recovery will be.

Having a job you love is great. Most people hate going to work. Do not leave your job. Your dh sounds awful.

Don't quit a job you love. This is an abusive man - there'll always be another thing that he picks and weaponises to grind you down, until you've given up everything that matters to you and lost who you are.

Tell him your job is non-negotiable, use childcare rather than him to cover gaps as he sounds useless and unpleasant, and get your exit plan in place, including evidence of his 'parenting' so you can demonstrate to a court that he's not going to prioritise his children (so you can request contact arrangements that balance maintaining some relationship with protecting your child). Get out as soon as you realistically can.

it won't make things any better for you, he will just find something else to nag about. My usual question, What benefit does he bring to you and your child?

Absolutely stay at the job you are in. Swap hours if you feel you need to (although, I’d be inclined to tell him to sod off and put a lock on my office door) but also have a firm plan for how you are going to leave this relationship. He is not bringing anything to your life.

My husband has been a bit like this. Turns out he prefers me to not work at all as it means I have to do absolutely everything with the kids

I would leave him but understand your posts where you explain why you don’t want to.

in which case, from
one of your posts: put DD in breakfast club so you can do the 8-4 hours in the job you love. It’s not really that bad to go to breakfast club and probably better than taking that new job (which will have massive impact on your availability to her) or breaking up your marriage when you don’t want to. Breakfast club is really not worth the other massive changes you’re considering.

Would you want your daughter to be in a marriage like this?

By staying you're teaching her this is what love is.

Surely he’s going to moan whenever he has to do childcare if he can’t even manage 1 hour a day. Is he off work for that hour, what’s his actual issue? I don’t see how what type of job you have impacts him in any way unless he is not available for childcare?? Do not leave a job you love unless there is a very good reason and your partner not wanting to do childcare is not one of them. He’s trying to control you don’t allow it to happen. I’d seriously reconsider staying in a relationship with someone who was trying to manipulate and control me, this is not healthy for you or your child.

And then the next job? There'll be something about that he won't like and it will start again. You are showing him that he can do whatever he wants and you will not stand up for yourself or your daughter. In the end, he'll wear you down, you'll give up work, have no money or independence and you'll be really trapped. Right where he wants you - and then he will ramp up the abuse, because that's what it is.

Do not leave a job you love for this worthless man. He does not love or care for you or he would not treat you this way. This is not the way you or your daughter should be living. You really do need to leave as things will only get worse from here. I know it sounds harsh, I stuck it out for years, it's really not worth it. He will destroy you.

Have a look through the relationships board here, it's full of threads from women like you who are now trapped, penniless in abusive relationships with awful men. If you can't do it for you, do it for your daughter.

Don’t leave your job. Leave him. He is unfair, unreasonable and looks like he wants less independence and security for you (so he can continue not to parent equally but puts you even more in a position of not being able to leave him). Build up your independence not the other way round. He will moan and undermine you in any job (which is a classic abusive technique)

He is sabotaging you now with this job and he will do it again with the next job. And again and again, with everything that he doesn’t like you doing. It’s a very common abuse tactic and he won’t change.

You’re going to regret leaving your current job that you love but I doubt very much you’d regret getting rid of him…

Stay at your current job. He’s made it clear he won’t take care of your child properly if your hours change. And, if you do leave him, erratic hours would make child care a huge issue.

Do what’s best for you and your child. Ignore him.

Breakfast or after school club is much better than missing weekends and Christmas.
Yes, he sounds abusive. Talk to women's aid to make a plan, or have this moved to the relationship board for advice.

Do not change your job @Downandout21 how does he moan at you? By phone? Turn off your phone! And tell him to stfu!! Good god I have rage thinking of him! What an asshole!