To think this is abuse.

I spoke to DH about this numerous times and he states he hates my job and he hopes I grt sacked so I have to apply for a new one

What would you say to your friend if she said this to you about her husband?

It's nasty, unsupportive and undermining.

For many people 5pm is early. The majority of high earning professionals will work much much later.

Is his mum a more positive influence than him ? I get you want your child to see her dad, but only one that will have a positive loving relationship not one that isn’t surely ?

But it’s not, because the problem isn’t THIS job, the problem is an abusive husband who loves making your life difficult, bringing you down, and using you as a punchbag. So when you’ve lost the good job that allowed you to manage your life well, and you’re a bit unhappier and more stressed, he’ll firstly be pleased that you’re now even less able to leave him, and then will get his teeth straight into something else to make sure he never lets up on harassing you - the new job will be wrong because HE has to do weekend things, how could you be such a bitch to work over Christmas. He won’t let up til you have no job at all.

The only real way out is to leave a guy like this, for your child’s sake too. The second best but extremely hard way is to push right back until he knows he can’t dictate - say fuck you, I will not leave my job as it works for the family and if you don’t like it YOU leave. I know a woman who lives like this, in a constant depressing undercurrent war zone with an aggressive twat, and she wishes she’d left years ago.

KEEP YOUR JOB. There are SO many women who would leave if they had a way to earn money which won’t cost them childcare. You may not be ready to go now but I hope to god you will be soon. And this job will keep that door to freedom open.

He will never change. To say it again, the job isn’t the problem. The next stick to beat you with will arrive the day you hand your notice in.

You don't have to leave and you don't have to take a new job.

You do have to have a hard look at the pig you're living with though

He's never going to step up to be a father or a decent human for that matter

Another vote for please please please don't leave your job. Ideally yes leaving is the answer, he sounds absolutely useless and what will this teach your daughter about relationships and about how her dad feels about her (if he makes it clear he hates looking after her). He has already told you that he will just be having fun when he looks after her ie no actual parenting, like teeth brushed, homework done, consistent bed time routine. This will not be good for your daughter and there is no benefit to you either. You know he will not stop moaning.

I think you have been so ground down by his nit picking that you can't see straight. Is it best for your daughter to spend some time with someone who clearly doesn't want to spend time with her, or do a bit of breakfast / after school care, or not see you for evening, weekends and Christmas? The breakfast / after school club is clearly the lesser evil. Yes most kids would rather be at home. But they won't hate it, will make different friends etc.

Your realistic options are
Tell him to atop moaning because you're not changing job ans he is wasting your breath and somehow tune it out

Put her in after school care until your work has finished and this should stop him moaning in the 4-5 hour

Put her in breakfast club and change your hours to 8-4

I do think your marriage is over when your child's father thinks you should change job because he doesn't want to look after his own child 4-5, when he is such a shitty father he won't even look after his other son who he hardly sees and won't do any actual parenting of his daughter.

Please keep your current job. You could be trapped without it.

Wow your husband sounds like a knob! Do you read this back what you’ve posted and think wow what a catch? He’s manipulated you into what he wants which basically is coercive control, 5pm is not late. Yes we all have to make sacrifices including him. Don’t do this to yourself and your child stay strong x

Where the hell is your spine? Why are acting like a complete doormat? He is a shit father and a shit husband and I don’t buy that you are staying with him for your daughter. You knew he was a shit father but had a child with him anyway. You are changing your job even though you know he is in the wrong. I don’t know what you want from us? It’s all in your hands.

Put DD in breakfast club so you can work 8-4 and keep the job you love.

However. This is just a temporary compromise, right? Because you can't stay with someone who tries to control you like this. Yes, it is abusive, and it's having an impact on your DD too, even if you don't see it now.

So, keep the job you love, temporarily appease your husband, and quietly start 1) saving, 2) gathering resources, 3) making an exit plan. Once you've made the decision to leave, it will start to get easier to see how you'll do it, what you'll need to put in place, and how you'll manage once you split.

Please don't leave the job you love....get rid of that arse of a husband.

Keep the job.
Bin the husband.

You'll be much happier.

Don't leave your job.

You do realise that within two weeks of you starting a new job he will be complaining about that?

DH says we all have to make sacrifices.

So why isn't his sacrifice looking after his child for an hour a day?

Well quite! And it’s not exactly a sacrifice either. Most couples would see it as a bonus that their hours dovetail in such a way that they don’t have to use outside childcare.

I’d rather be single…

He will only up your alienment and abuse. See a divorce lawyer asap. Gather all the information you can. As you said DH. What about the marital home? Register spousal rights on the deed.

Keep your job and lose your husband, he sounds awful................

@Downandout21

I hope that you have now been made aware that this situation is not right for you and you are now having to deal with a partner who is showing his true colours. It's what is known as the thin edge of the wedge because things will get steadily worse. It will slowly move on from the job problem to something else...the cooking isn't right or to his taste...you're not cleaning the house properly...comments about your appearance...how much time you spend with friends....how much money you're spending...etc etc. I hope you get the picture.
You may be thinking that you have nowhere to go or won't get support because where you are now, the situation that you are in, is possibly all that you know. It's as though you have blinkers on and can't see beyond this, it's your world and this is all it is. You will get help and support, it is definitely out there for you. You have made the first step by coming on here to ask for advice and that's brilliant, you now know things aren't right. Please now think about what you can do next...and do it safely without his knowledge. Find numbers for places such as Womens Aid / local women's support groups / citizens advice etc and contact them to get help moving away from him asap and save yourselves from a miserable future. We are all outsiders looking in on what you have told us and it is unanimous that he is your problem. People are speaking from experience, it can and does get worse. Please get help and stay safe.

Your DD brings you joy. Your work brings you joy. He doesn't, and he also doesn't get to destroy your happiness.

Stand firm. This is absolutely controlling and abusive. Echoing what others have said; if it is not this, it will be something else about the new job. Or any job.

Your husband thinks like an idiot if he presumes that your daughter is going to be easier to look after if he lets her "have fun" every second weekend and Christmas.

This type of child care will be disasterous for her.

Stick to your job and give your husband a number of useful ways to fill his moaning hour each day. He should be helping daughter with her homework, cooking dinner or other essential chores to help the family function.

Ask him if he has always had problems spending time with his own company?

Insist he button up and find positives to talk about instead of complaining.

DO NOT quit your job.
DO think about leaving him.
IT IS abuse.

what a shit he is.

Did he not want his daughter then? Did he express this when you got pregnant? I'm so sick of seeing men think this is okay. MEN - stop having babies with women if you don't want to actually be a dad. And no, being a dad doesn't mean you get to watch your wife raise them and now and again come and play with them when you feel like it. What an emotionally abusive arse he is.

Also, your DD is reaching the age when she is likely to want to do a regular activity at the weekend. Then there will be parties & play dates. Do you really think that your DH will facilitate any of these when you are working? More likely he will tell DD that it’s your fault that she misses her friend’s party because you care more about work than her.

He doesn’t hate your job @Downandout21

He hates you having a job that makes you happy and may eventually lead to you having the means to leave him.

He hates parenting

He hates not being able to control you.

This will not change. If you leave your job, he will make every other job as hellish.
If you stop working, he will make you being dependent on him a living hell.

You are going to have to leave sooner or later.
Start planning for that now.
Stay in your current job and do the breakfast club option.

He will be with your daughter as he is with your son.

At least if he leaves her with his mum, she will be looked after and not impacted by the petty neglect he’s currently threatening if you take the new job.

You and your child deserve much much better .

It does sound as if going for breakfast club is better than changing your job. If I were you, I'd concentrate on building up a career so that you can LTB.

DH says we all have to make sacrifices.

So why isn't his sacrifice looking after his child for an hour a day?

Well I asked hi hiw he would manage bed routine when I'm at work on weekends and he said he's not doing it and she will just have fun on the days she's with him

So why is it such a problem looking after her for the extra hour? Surely she can "just have fun"?