To think this is abuse.

Seems like breakfast club is the least of your worries here! Just do that

Your DD would be better off in breakfast club with a mother who is happy in her job than left unparented for long periods while you work weekends.

She would be even better off living in a home where those around her treat each other with kindness and respect and having some contact with her father.

I'm not sure I'd call this abuse, but I do think he's being very entitled and unreasonable. It sounds like, as he works unusual hours doing 6-2, he resents having to parent his child while you are still working much more normal hours until 5pm. I suppose he feels cheated because while he's working from 6am until 2pm your DD is either sleeping or at nursery/school for a large chunk of it and you get off scot-free in his eyes.

But switching to a job where you have to work weekends and lots of bank holidays isn't the answer, as he'll soon find out if you take this job. And what happens if his job and his hours change and they don't dovetail neatly with your new job? Will be expect you to change jobs again?

Perhaps you should suggest to him that he should change his job, as it could be argued that it's his hours that are causing his problems, not yours.

I would keep the job you love and use wraparound childcare if he won’t look after his child without moaning. If you do split up in the future, this working pattern will be more sustainable.

Which will be the best job for when you do actually leave him? I fully understand you not wanting to yet- but you need to be looking to the future, when you actually can. Which job has the best career progression? Which job will allow a little flexibility for childcare? You need to think practically about when you can't take his nonsense anymore.

My sentiments exactly, OP.

In fact, @Sirzytook the words right outta my mouth.

He is jealous that you are successful and enjoy your job. He will find fault with any job you have. He will never step up and patent equally. He is controlling and abusive. Leave him.

Don't change jobs and as soon as he starts whinging say you're not discussing it any more. This is your job, you are staying in it. His whining will not change that.

Don’t do it. It’s so rare to find a job you love and to have one that fits around your daughter is a double win. Good pay? Triple win.

Think of all that time you’ll be missing with your daughter - 26 weekends of year. And she’ll be left in the care of him, whom you say can’t be trusted.

Don’t give in to his whining. Stand up for yourself (and your daughter).

Really feel for you OP.

I had a bit of a lightweight version of this with my husband, but I did arrive at the place where he realised he was being unreasonable, and now he is vey supportive. It was mostly when our second child was still a baby and he really struggled with both kids along with his own sensory issues.

Don't leave your job. I'd make use of breakfast club while you plan your next step... your daughter will be fine. Well done on everything you worked towards.

I know I should stay at the job I want to do, but when you have someone moaning at you day after day for the last hour or so of your working day, it wears thin and it's easier to just get the new job.

Easier to ditch the husband.

Why are you letting him control you?

Your job isn't the problem, he is.

I had similar though. He wanted me working more hours and working days and weekends rather than the evening job I had and loved. I gave in and switched.

The new job opened the door to a career with higher earning power, built my confidence enough to see I was in an abusive relationship and gave me the tools to leave him. Not the outcome he was expecting.

Do you work from home OP? Could you maybe work from somewhere else so that you can work in peace until 5?

Also the new job means you will be less available and he will have to pick up more childcare slack surely? A 9-5 job is much easier in terms of childcare than a job that involves night and weekend working.

If his hours are 6 - 2 I assume he is in trade or does shift work? Could it be he is jealous of what he sees as your "easy" desk based job?

He needs to STFU and get over it.

Have you looked into how much you could get if you claimed universal credits?

I get why you don't want to leave but you cannot change job because he's being a twat. Surely even 8-4 and breakfast club is preferable to losing every other weekend and Xmas? Think of the impact that no routine and whatever 'fun' looks like every other weekend with him will have on your daughter. It sounds like she needs you, try to be strong. Go somewhere in the house you can lock the door to escape his moaning while you're at work.

What the hell have I just read? I wouldn't be leaving a job I loved because my husband told me to. Fuck that. Your husband is not supportive of you. I think I'd be thinking about changing husbands, not jobs. How old is your dd? Can you look into some child care for her? The only time my husband would encourage me to leave a job is if I was unhappy or my mental health was suffering. You need to think really carefully about taking this new jib, you will be unhappy, your husband will be happy, how will that work.

I don't understand what you will gain by getting a new job? He will moan about that too, and he has already said he will not parent his child while you are working. His aim is probably to break you down and make you dependent on him. I know it's easy to say put up with the moaning, but you have already clocked that he is abusive, so you must know on some level that you will need to leave at some point. He isn't going to change. Maybe he will start on something else, maybe he will target your new job, but he will continue being abusive. Loving the job you do will be invaluable, the independence and the self esteem of being so good at it, the support from your colleagues. You are going to need those things, so don't throw them away.

stick your headphones on and ignore him.

Is this real? This is madness. So a woman has a job she loves which fits well around her DD and she is considering leaving it for a worse one to pacify a moaning good for nothing twat.

why do we do this to ourselves?

Get a childminder. Don't rely on him. Amd think about whether you want to stay with this unhelpful and not very nice man. Stay in your present job.

OP you love your job so don’t leave, your DH won’t change, he will continue this behaviour in any job you do!

So what's the point of leaving the job you like?

Now, leaving the pig you're married to is different and much more worthwhile

There would be loads of support and advice here if that's what you decide to do

why? it seems like the obvious solution.