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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is abuse.

290 replies

Downandout21 · 21/09/2024 07:22

I love my job and I've always been good at it. Good contacted hours I've worked hard towards to fit around DD meaning no additional childcare, also good pay and I love my team.

DH always moans about it. I don't finished until 5 and by 4 he is moaning that I should be finished and my works stupid, won't look after DD as says I should be finished work and really puts me under pressure. Now my performance is declining.

I spoke to DH about this numerous times and he states he hates my job and he hopes I grt sacked so I have to apply for a new one.

I've eventually caved and have an interview for a new job today. Will mean having to work every other weekend, over Christmas and some nights. DH says we all have to make sacrifices.

I'm gutted, I worked really hard to get to where I am now and really do love my job.

OP posts:
Sinisterbag · 21/09/2024 07:40

Downandout21 · 21/09/2024 07:34

No idea, he moans we have meetings at the end of the day and not the beginning but I don't see the problem with that. I think it's because I can't finish early, but my hours are 9 - 5. He asked me to do 8 - 4 which I can do, but that would mean having to put DD in breakfast club and I don't want to do that if I don't have to

Show quote history

So does he think he shouldn't do any 'childcare' (parenting to normal people) whatsoever then OP? Is that the crux of the problem, he doesn't think he should have to look after DD at all?

TemuSpecialBuy · 21/09/2024 07:39

Jesus let him moan
even better tell him to shut up because you don’t want to hear it.
you aren’t quitting your job and if he doesn’t like it he is free to leave the relationship

He sounds fucking foul and yes he is an abusive arsehole trying to railroad you into giving up financial independence

If you do nothing else

  1. stay in your job
  2. get on effective contraception
  3. start working out how to leave

you would be doing you Dd a massive disservice to let her grow up watching this as a model for a healthy relationship.

he is also telling you he “wont do” bedtime. Ie won’t be a parent
presumably he will just let your Dd eat junk, watch tv endlessly (probably whatever inappropriate adult show he wants to watch so she has nightmares when she finally does go to sleep at about midnight) and I am guessing won’t bathe or change her or brush her teeth? Wash her clothes? Make sure she eats nutritious food

what is the value add? You both sound like you’d be better off without him. He can take her out and be a Disney dad once a fortnight for half a day and she can work out what a deadbeat he is mid teens…

RedHelenB · 21/09/2024 07:39

Downandout21 · 21/09/2024 07:32

I wish it was. But nope absolutely true, I know I should stay at the job I want to do, but when you have someone moaning at you day after day for the last hour or so of your working day, it wears thin and it's easier to just get the new job.

Show quote history

No it isn't imagine missing out on Christmas and weekends of fun with your family. Tell him he loves you that he should be happy you've got a job you love.

Ginmonkeyagain · 21/09/2024 07:39

So he wants you to give up a good, flexible job because he cannot be arsed to look after his own child for one hour?

He's a twat.

Hedgewitch123 · 21/09/2024 07:37

RhubarbCrumbs · 21/09/2024 07:35

Absolutely DO NOT leave your job.

What does he mean by they’ll just have fun on their days together and he won’t do bedtime? So he’s just going to keep her awake until you get home and leave it to you to do?

This is abuse, he sounds incredibly childish. I would seriously think about this relationship.

This also.

Red flags everywhere

socks1107 · 21/09/2024 07:37

Don't give up your job, he'll move to the next thing if you do that. He does sound abusive yes

Original poster
Downandout21 · 21/09/2024 07:37

He works flexible hours so Monday to Friday 6 - 2

OP posts:
Hedgewitch123 · 21/09/2024 07:36

Cupooee · 21/09/2024 07:33

He wants you out of your good job.
He will then make your new job impossible too.

Absolutely this is abusive and you would be very very foolish to give it up.

Talk to Women's aid asap.

Can you move to family to stay for a while?

DO NOT GIVE UP THIS JOB.

This 100%

Autumn38 · 21/09/2024 07:36

It sounds like he will moan even more about the next job so you will be in an even worse position. Don’t let him force you to give up your job.

also - It sounds like your DD will be in a worse position being left with him for longer periods of time. I don’t think I’d want to leave her.

Sinisterbag · 21/09/2024 07:35

Are you wfh when he's moaning for that last hour OP? Could you go into the office/work elsewhere so you're not there to be moaned at? Not that you should have to but might alleviate the immediate pressure?

Elasticatedtrousers · 21/09/2024 07:35

He will make this worse.

Your relationship does not sound good and imho you would be a fool to give up your security and job you love for such a whining man baby.

RhubarbCrumbs · 21/09/2024 07:35

Absolutely DO NOT leave your job.

What does he mean by they’ll just have fun on their days together and he won’t do bedtime? So he’s just going to keep her awake until you get home and leave it to you to do?

This is abuse, he sounds incredibly childish. I would seriously think about this relationship.

Original poster
Downandout21 · 21/09/2024 07:34

Sinisterbag · 21/09/2024 07:30

What exactly does he 'hate' about your current job OP? It sounds like the new one you've applied for will be worse in terms of impact on family time/him having to do childcare so it's difficult to understand what his issue is tbh. On the face of it my advice would be don't give up a job you love, especially not on his say so and not for a job with less convenient hours.

No idea, he moans we have meetings at the end of the day and not the beginning but I don't see the problem with that. I think it's because I can't finish early, but my hours are 9 - 5. He asked me to do 8 - 4 which I can do, but that would mean having to put DD in breakfast club and I don't want to do that if I don't have to

OP posts:
user1471462634 · 21/09/2024 07:34

Give us some background of what he does work wise.

Choosingmiddleschool · 21/09/2024 07:34

Downandout21 · 21/09/2024 07:32

I wish it was. But nope absolutely true, I know I should stay at the job I want to do, but when you have someone moaning at you day after day for the last hour or so of your working day, it wears thin and it's easier to just get the new job.

Show quote history

It would be easier long term to leave him.

What hours does DH work or does he not?

DazedAndKerfuddled · 21/09/2024 07:34

If hes moaning about an hour what do you think hes going to do over Christmas and every other weekend? It wont get better, it will get harder because now he knows if he whinges enough you will hop to it

Cupooee · 21/09/2024 07:33

He wants you out of your good job.
He will then make your new job impossible too.

Absolutely this is abusive and you would be very very foolish to give it up.

Talk to Women's aid asap.

Can you move to family to stay for a while?

DO NOT GIVE UP THIS JOB.

Ginmonkeyagain · 21/09/2024 07:33

Tell him to get fucked.

Original poster
Downandout21 · 21/09/2024 07:32

offyoujollywelltrot · 21/09/2024 07:30

Is this ragebait?

I wish it was. But nope absolutely true, I know I should stay at the job I want to do, but when you have someone moaning at you day after day for the last hour or so of your working day, it wears thin and it's easier to just get the new job.

OP posts:
Newagestage · 21/09/2024 07:32

Cancel your interview, do not move jobs, and leave this pathetic excuse of a partner, he sounds vile

Skyellaskerry · 21/09/2024 07:31

My immediate impression is that it would be the same for any job you have, he will find fault. More so for the new one you’ve applied for, does he know what would be involved for him? Does he want you not to work full stop was my other thought.

Mermaidsarereal · 21/09/2024 07:31

Don't listen to your husband! A job you actually enjoy is hard to come by, is there anyone else you have who can help with child care even if its just once or twice a week to shut him up? Although personally I'd be interviewing for a new husband! 🫢

Sinisterbag · 21/09/2024 07:30

What exactly does he 'hate' about your current job OP? It sounds like the new one you've applied for will be worse in terms of impact on family time/him having to do childcare so it's difficult to understand what his issue is tbh. On the face of it my advice would be don't give up a job you love, especially not on his say so and not for a job with less convenient hours.

offyoujollywelltrot · 21/09/2024 07:30

Is this ragebait?

Dragonsandcats · 21/09/2024 07:29

Don’t leave your job. I would consider your relationship with your dh - does he bring any positives to your life?