Christmas hosting

Agreed BIl shouldn't get a pass on hosting ever. Even if it means eating dinner out and just having the chill out but at his and doing tea in the late afternoon. Defo should be a rotation between all 3 of you to host so that then your only hosting 4 yearly.

If you're going to not host then I think you need to let them know sooner rather than later - it gives them plenty of time to sort themselves out.
Bil shouldn't get a total pass just because he's divorced and has kids - he's their parent and it's his job to provide Christmas, not yours!
I think mil just needs the unfairness drawn to her attention if there's any kick back on not hosting this year.

Channel your inner Phoebe Buffay and say " I would love to help ..but I don;t want to !"
Be selfish have the christmas you want, they will cope they will have to!

The person who does the most work gets to make the decisions - and that would be you. When the rest of the family rallies round and contributes equally, then you can have a democratic discussion - until then, your house, your rules.

Yes, agree with others. Hosting multiple days is too much. Suggest swapping to one Christmas meet up at a mid-way location at some point over the holiday season.

Why isn't DH Brother taking his turn & hosting every other year so you only host once every 3 years? If you don't want to host then don't. it's unfair to expect you to when you don't enjoy it & don't spend time with the kids etc. Send a message in the Family group chat explaining that you've decided to go out to lunch this year can you get numbers of those interested to make the booking. Leave it at that & if anyone says anything just explain you fancy a change & to be able to switch off & relax this year/ You're not doing anything wrong so don't feel guilty

Yeah I would do this. Just say you need to swap it for personal family reasons.

Then you won’t have to host them at all.

Alternatively, just be honest and say you’re over it. You are done with hosting Christmas and it won’t be happening anymore

It’s not all about the MIL, she doesn’t have the veto on Christmas plans e.g. the cottage idea. Your BIL also needs to contribute, so what if he’s divorced and doesn’t drive. If you don’t want to host -also known as being general dogsbody then you don’t need to. The problem with Christmas is like a lot of things, it brings out the entitlement and cheeky fucker in a lot of people. E.g. my auntie used to regularly rock up for 2 weeks every Christmas, not bring any food or drink or financial contributions. Might do the odd bit of washing up if you were lucky Then would spend most of her time monopolising the tv, lying on the sofa and eating cheese 🙄. Hasnt hosted since 1986. For some reason no one challenges her

I hosted last year, not long after going back to work from maternity and with 10 month old twins. I set my stall out that everyone would need to contribute with child wrangling, there wouldn’t be a full meal service and people would need to do some meals / tidying up. Instead apart from my husband then everyone took root in the lounge. Only emerging to request to make tea (no it’s at a crucial point in Christmas lunch cooking and you only had one half an hour ago) or make other random requests. Clearing up was rubbish so husband did it way into the night and l went to bed -l was ill with a chest infection. My brother paid for a takeaway one night but that was it. No one else could magically order or buy food or plan any meals 🙄. This year l am not hosting and won’t be hosting until other people that attended have done their turn in hosting. I didn’t see enough of my children and would have been exhausting even if l hadn’t been ill. I will then set down the ground rules even clearer than last time. People won’t like it, there will be moaning, emotional blackmail / manipulation etc. But life is too short for other people’s bullshit and laziness

I'd say swap. Go to your family again this year then MIL from now on.

Can't you do less food like MIL ? It feels like a lot of this is in your own gift- why do you have to offer more than others ?

DH needs to speak to his DB and ask for a financial and physical contribution.

There's nothing wrong with pointing this out.

"I don't think it's very fair that we host you every other year but you never host us. I wouldn't mind so much if everyone mucked in to help or offered to contribute in other ways but they don't."

Definitely time to break the duopoly. How about every third year BIL 'hosts' but you stay in hotels?

My grandparents always had Christmas a week early so we'd all go there for a lunch and a small gift from the tree. We ate buffet food rather than a traditional lunch.

You do not have the time to host these people. You might be free to drive somewhere on Christmas Day itself but you are unable to host this year. No argument. Either agree to go to BIL perhaps on the day or Boxing Day but otherwise you won't be coming.

Well if the OP wants them to book a cottage instead, they are already looking tight on times. The MIL and aunt will need to book a hotel near the OP so leaving it until November to have the conversation- by which point hotels will have been booked - would be very unreasonable.

Christ, we'll be sick of these threads by November.

This sounds like a good plan to me. Be clear 'I'm not up for catering for days so... working Xmas eve so please either arrive after dinner or it's the pub for dinner/takeaway and we all pay for our own. Bacon sarnies and off you go on boxing day. We'll sort Xmas dinner but it is expensive so please all bring some wine and nibbles. Make sure you have plans boxing day afternoon even if it's just a walk so they have to go.

How far away is DH brother and wife? Could MIL and aunt get a hotel near them and you guys visit them for one of the days for Xmas lunch? Then you can have a chilled one the other day. I would suggest you are willing to hotel every 4 years (alternative 2 yearly with the DH brother) if MIL is unable to host.

Just do what both my adult children do and TELL them what you're doing/not doing. We have to do as we're told. "We don't want to see you this xmas" "We are going to xyz's this xmas as it's what we want to do". It hurts, but we have to suck it up.

You are BU posting a Christmas hosting thread in September!

We host every year. I don’t care how many I cook for as long as they all keep out of my kitchen.

We have this issue this year. We have the bigger house and it was assumed when we moved 8 years ago we would host. I said every other year as it’s a day I want to spend with my DH and kids. I don’t want to be cooking all bloody day, clearing up after people and getting the last few hours of the day in tired as hell having had zero time or enjoyment. DH mum left her partner because he shouted at one of our nephews who destroyed his TV and ripped apart a much treasured book given to him by a much loved family member. Nephew has ODD and behaves disgracefully and always has done. He’s banned from our house for destroying my son’s Lego models and tormenting our dog. Nobody reprimands him and held to ransom by his meltdowns. Due to this, MIL is on her own and BIL goes to Scotland to be with his in laws on alternate years. We will have to host MIL and because we will have to host MIL my parents expect an invite. It’s toxic and unbearable and I really want to tell everyone to do one and I will see them Boxing Day onwards.

Why didn't you complain last year when they were hosting for you?
I say suck it up this year, and next year you do it in a cottage