Just found out he's married

YANBU because you didn’t know and when you guessed you asked him.

You would be v unreasonable to contact him again. For all the reasons PPs have said.

This is one of the best pieces of insight and advice I have read on here. 100% this.

You’re sad about losing the person you thought he was not the person he actually is.

the person he actually is, js a lying cheating scum bag and you don’t want or need that.

heal and move on and you will find a good decent man.

What a horrible man. You'll just be one of the many notches on his (marital) bed post. Block and run and get yourself booked in at the sexual health clinic for a checkup.

Hope the next one does turn out to be your special person as this one doesn't deserve another minute of your time.

How awful and disappointing for you.

I think it shows that it takes a lot longer to get to know people than just a few months. It goes to show you cannot rely on chemistry and feelings that you click. I remember reading that new people are like foreign countries - you don’t know what lies beneath the surface and you have to watch and observe them over a long period of time - watch not how they treat you (because they are on best behaviour) but how they treat those who have been in their lives a lot longer.

OP it's not just his wife he has cheated on and his family he has betrayed. He has also cheated on you who thought you were starting a serious relationship. He has betrayed you by putting you in a terrible position.

Get angry.

He already has betrayed her!

@suusbsbsklckx I’m so sorry. Don’t ever speak to him again. The man you knew is fiction. This guy is not worth your words.

If you pursue this he will tell you that things aren't going well with him and his wife, that they aren't in love anymore-they are more like brother and sister. He will tell you they are separating. He may tell you that he has never loved her and that he was trapped with a baby. Be wise OP. He isn't the love of your life. He is cheating with you on his wife, the woman he married and said vows too.
You are the other woman.
I'm sorry OP, I hope you can move past this and find someone.

OP it is hard to just switch your feelings off - even when you find out he was a lying twat and the man you fell for isn't real. It's more than just 'feelings for him' it's chemistry - pure and simple: endorphins, adrenalin, serotonin - all the good stuff that you get from a rew relationship - it's exhilarating and that 'buzz' makes it really REALLY hard to walk away.

But you just need to rip off the band-aid. Nothing good will come of this and the more you invest the more you and his DW get hurt. You will be the loser ultimately and it will be a lot harder to recover from when you also have the guilt of having knowingly fallen into being the OW.

It's shit. It's hard. You will miss him for a few weeks, but you'll be grand and he will still be a cheating fuck. Just bite the bullet and end it. Text would be fine.

Well, he doesn’t sound like a keeper. I’d probably try to let the wife know anonymously so she doesn’t waste the next x years of her life with a rat….

I think you reacted well too. Has he contacted you since you left? If so, what has he said? Is he trying to use the script or anything? Give yourself some time and please do think about telling his wife.

Have you heard from him since?

Oof, what a horror. Will you tell her?

How did you find out?

Your feelings are based on a fantasy version of him not reality.

The fact he admitted it so easily shows he doesn't care about cheating on his wife and thinks you're fool enough to overlook it. Sounds like he's well practiced at affairs, you're probably not the first and almost certainly won't be the last he'll have.

As soon as you dump him he'll be straight back online looking for the next mug.

Just know that one day he may betray you. Get out before it gets messy! Sorry, by the way.

Oh crumbs, OP - I'm so sorry. Your head must be in an absolute spin. It's easier said than done to just lose feelings for someone, but you've acknowledged that staying with him would be wrong. Someone that could do that to their wife and child would never be faithful. You are, unknowingly, the mistress. I hope you're able to move forward with you life - there are truly lots of decent men out there. He clearly isn't one of them.

This is actually a great reaction. Your instinct was to get up and leave. Keep walking! You didn’t react emotionally; you had the wherewithal to withdraw. That shows your innate strength and sense of right and wrong. More power to you.

Give her a break. She wasn’t expecting him to say that.
Are you telling me that you’ve never thought of the perfect response to a person hours after the conversation was over?

He sounds absolutely unhinged. Run!

He has lied to and betrayed the two people in his life he is supposed to love more than anyone else in the world. And not only has he done that with ease, he’s also shown not the slightest bit of guilt or shame about it, or about putting you in a position where you have also been lied to and led up the garden path.

You didn’t click with him and you don’t have feelings for him. You clicked with and had feelings for the man you thought he was. He isn’t that person. It’s all a massive lie.

I'm sorry op in that I know what it feels like to be duped. You feel stupid but it's not your fault. It says everything about what an immature person he is , acting incredibly selfishly, and nothing about you or your integrity.

You can dress him down but people like him don't care. His wife either knows or is oblivious or suspects. The best revenge is to take your freedom, walk away and enjoy life. Give yourself a statute of limitations of one week to be pissed off then plan some self care and put it behind you.

He used you. What a creep.

You've been duped and lied to, OP. I'm sorry, that sucks to think you've found someone decent and they turn out to be a dishonest, cheating rat.

If he can do this to his wife and child, he would do it to you. Get out and stay out. Block him, complete no contact. Sometimes easier to just rip off the plaster.

Drop him like a hot potato, be clear that it’s over and as others say block him on everything. Go out with friends and be completely unavailable to him. If you want, go forth and have fun with an honest, gorgeous man who deserves your respect and love. There are many, many different types of lovely men out there, don’t waste your precious life with one who clearly is not.