Do you care what your Partner does for a Living?

to an extent, I would say previously 100% I would judge. But I dated someone who was a delivery driver and the amount of hours he does to provide for his kid changed my mind, and as we were casual it gave me the opportunity to not be a job snob . So maybe it’s more work ethic over job. I’m sure there’s certain careers I wouldn’t date like army or police

Incredibly glad I didn’t have any of these barriers when choosing my lovely husband! I sometimes think people miss out on love w of all these ‘must haves’. Personally I don’t think work is everything. My husband and I work to live and have other interests in common.

I do not concern myself with the prestige of a job. But I would not have thrown my lot in with DH 28 years ago now had he not been intelligent and hard working and motivated. Excepting very bad luck/illness/disability those traits will usually lead to reasonable job prospects. So to that extent it matters.

I have always been the higher earner and in the last decade I have been very much the main breadwinner. I would, however, have found it too much of a strain had we not been able to share, at least to a degree, the financial pressures of raising our 3 children. Personally, and I know this is a controversial view, I do not think it is ideal for one party to the marriage to shoulder all the financial burden. So again, to the extent that remuneration enough to be a proper living wage is linked to what job a person does, then it does matter to me. But as I say it's not about kudos or what other people think.

The main dealbreaker relating to earnings for me is actually that I won't date someone who earns significantly more than I do. I'd feel it puts us on an unequal footing which I don't want.

Apart from that, my main criteria is that they actively chose their job for a specific reason rather than just falling into it and never bothering to try and develop.
For example, if they worked in a retail job earning minimum wage, but this was so that they could dedicate most of their energy on a sport, playing music, caring for a relative etc., or if they worked a low paying job that was someway related to their passion, then that's fine.

If they worked in a minimum wage job because it was the first job they'd gotten out of school and they'd just never bothered to take the initiative to see what else they could do, then that would be a turn off. Likewise, I couldn't see myself being friends with someone of either gender who had that lack of ambition.

Hes retired now but had a good academic career when i met him ten years ago , its a good job he wasnt snobby about my jobs as one was cleaning and the other was online retail for a cat charity both retired now and though he still has more money due to private pension we both contribute to the household expenses me less than him

So how does your maths work, when £50K is considerably above the average wage, even including the tiny minority that earn megabucks and sway these figures considerably ?

In 2023, the median annual earnings in the UK was £34963.

That's not opinion, that is just fact.
So, factually, £50K is a high wage.

Nope I just want him to be happy. He is a delivery person at the minute and absolutely hates it so we are trying to save so he can start up his own business. He supports me with my career at the moment and I hope one day he will be able to do something he loves too.

Average salary seems to peak in your 40s at 40k a year making 50 notably higher than average

If you don't want to call it high and are incapable of having a decent lifestyle on that kind of salary (if housing costs to be included then I would allow you would need the other party to be earning for comfort ) that's on you

You sort of dodged the question. The average salary in the uk is about 35-40k.

Take numbers out of it then. If a guy was doing a low-level job but earning 'high' (in your opinion), would that matter? I.e., low ambition and doing well.

What is more 'worthy' of you? Lazy (lucky) high earner, or ambitious/hard working (unlucky) low earner?

I've always been drawn to intellectual types so it tends to follow that they are in certain types of industry. But in theory I wouldn't turn my nose up at a bookish tradesman either.

If someone doesn't have opportunities in their youth then they need to make them as an adult, for me that drive is important. For example I have a male friend whose education hadn't gone well as a teen but spent years and years doing adult education while working full time and now has a qualification he wants which pushes his salary up significantly. I admire that immensely. If he had stayed as he was an shrugged his shoulders or moaned about the unfairness of life I'd find that difficult to take.

I also feel there is a certain moral issue too, I couldn't be with a man in a really cut throat industry particularly making decisions that impact people. On the flip side, I would overlook a lower salary and lack of upward movement if it was a job that's really admirable to me, like paramedic, youth worker, A & E nurse etc.

@NewName24

I was talking about an age when one would be raising children, so late 30s, 40s, early 50s.

£50k is not high earning in this age bracket, far from it. And no, not 'just on MN'.

I have thought of a job that was held by someone who asked me out back in the day, that I turned down because of his job - he was a baker. He started work at 4 in the morning.
It was just incompatible with ever being able to go out anywhere, as I worked in a normal 9 - 5 at the time.

I wouldn't be keen on dating a chef or a pub manager either, as they both tend to work ridiculously long hours and during all the times I would be available to see them.

Ha Ha.

Very funny.

Outside of MN, it is, presuming you are talking about people in their 20s and early 30s rather than people at the top end of their career.

For me DH doing a job he loves and which is flexible is what matters. I don't want to live with someone who is miserable because he hates his work, or to be stressed because neither of us have any flexibility. DH earning a lot of money has never been important as my work is well paid albeit with longish hours and low flexibility.

The last thing I would want is a man who thought he was bringing home the bacon and could therefore throw his weight around and be the boss at home.

Omg- same. I like being the higher earner 😎I spend more anyway(clothes, products, socialising)so as long as DP has enough to come on holidays and stuff I’m golden.

£50k is not really high earning though, is it?

If you want someone to buy a house with, raise children comfortably, and be able to afford a nice lifestyle, they're going to need to be bringing in a lot more than £50k unless the woman is earning £100k+.

Life is very expensive.

I definitely care. Wouldn't want an all hours in the office cutthroat type, or anyone with a bullshit job of no social value. Definitely wanted someone whose work involved a bit of intellectual or cultural stmulation.

Haven't RTFT.

I used to care then I had a relationship with someone in a similar profession to me who was perfect for me 'on paper' which ended up being a disaster.

That's when I realised the good on paper types just don't turn me on.

I need more excitement than a man in finance, I'm afraid.

My first husband and I met at medical school and so bonded over that experience and then working as junior doctors. After we split I decided I wanted someone who wasn't involved in the medical world so I dated a gardner, engineer and an actor....and discovered that an important part of a relationship for me was having someone who understood my world.
I'm now with a senior manager in the health service and he gets it. He's solvent (also important to me because I'm not bankrolling anyone), intelligent (vital because conversation is important and I'm not interested in the beer and football type of man's conversation) and works in the nhs so knows the pressures and how it works.

So yes, profession is important as is financial security and intelligence.

Total snap

No, after my recently ex partner spent almost 3 years laying in bed doing absolutely nothing, leaving me to provide for our family. I'd just be happy if any future partners have a good work ethic, What they did for work would not bother me.

Interesting.

I feel that some jobs are high status but non jobs in reality.

Probably what puts me off.

I have my own money so it wouldn’t matter to me what a partner does for a living.

Yes but not in the way you probably think. I would be really put off by someone who worked in an office.

I like tradesmen, gardeners that sort of thing. Someone not afraid to get their hands dirty.

I'd quite like a bin man tbh. I'd probably prefer a barber/hairdresser to someone in an office 🤷‍♀️

Dh is a tradesman/engineer.